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Newest Member: meepsy (46028)

User Topic: As a BS, how I have changed my friendships
Jennifer99
♀ 39551
Member # 39551
Default  Posted: 11:22 AM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have recently been thinking of a strange side-effect of my new life as a BS.

Friendships - my female friends with poor boundaries repulse me and close male friends who are married - can't even interact with them anymore. "Couple" friends - basically WH's friends and their spouses - I just can't stand to be around them, I feel like if they didn't know they should have known and if they did know they suck.

I have almost no friends left.
And I'm really LIKING it. I feel like I've been freed. I feel like I'm starting over on the friends too and I get to be more conscious.

I am not even sure how to explain it. Has anyone else been through this?

Questioning my marriage-relationship has led me to scrutinize all my relationships.


Posts: 556 | Registered: Jun 2013
Ellephantastic
♀ 39833
Member # 39833
Default  Posted: 11:54 AM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Exactly how I feel with friends that have questionable boundaries...

They can go fuck themselves! I am not sticking around to watch them fuck up other peoples lives!

They don't know how it feels to be messed around like that, and I seriously hope they never find out!

[This message edited by Ellephantastic at 11:56 AM, August 20th (Tuesday)]


BS(me)
WBF = PA
Ow = 19(at the time)
WBF A = 08/10/2012-17/10/2012
D-Day = 24/01/2013

"It was easier for him to hurt me than it was for him to turn her down"


Posts: 80 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Scotland
tryingagain74
♀ 33698
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 12:23 PM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Absolutely. I have always had solid boundaries when it has come to men, but I find now that I want to interact with married men even less. I happened to meet someone today because we had something in common, and as soon as he pointed out his wife, I immediately pulled her into the conversation, started talking with her... I don't want any woman to ever think that she needs to worry about me, and I want any man that I interact with to know that I do have solid boundaries I won't cross. I hadn't really given that much thought before because I knew that I wouldn't cheat, and I just assumed that most people wouldn't.

I also have a cheater friend who I dumped years ago (her cheating was part of it, but her sociopathic personality was the larger part), and she makes my skin crawl when I do have to see her. Anyone like that who gives me a bad feeling in my gut is kept at arm's length. I'd like to think that I'm not totally cynical, but I am wary-- I've given people a free pass for years and tried to find the good in them, but that's over for me now. I refuse to waste my time on people who only want my companionship because I am of use to them.

[This message edited by tryingagain74 at 12:29 PM, August 20th (Tuesday)]


FBS; now happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3659 | Registered: Oct 2011
Jennifer99
♀ 39551
Member # 39551
Default  Posted: 1:01 PM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't want any woman to ever think that she needs to worry about me, and I want any man that I interact with to know that I do have solid boundaries I won't cross.

That.

I can think back on some friendships I've had with men that did not include their wife. One in particular I am thinking of where she just chose not to be sociable but then later I found out he may have had an A. I now wonder what she thought of us "girls" (there were a group of us and he was one of few men in it).

I kind of feel like there was this "girl code" (there was a thread here the other day) that I didn't know about and I'm just now discovering it but maybe going overboard.


Posts: 556 | Registered: Jun 2013
Topic Posts: 4

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