SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

hurtfornow posted 8/20/2013 11:56 AM

Is it wrong that I don't want a relationship or an emotional connection, just a regular sexual friend? I have all the emotional support and connection I need through my family and friends. I just crave someone for regular sexs. I know society frowns on it, but I'm at an age I don't give a fuck what anybody thinks. The issue is I don't want it with a stranger, but with someone I'm familiar with.

Feel free to let the 2x4's fly or whatever your thoughts are. I can take it like a grown up.

I've been single officially for over a year. My most recent d-day was almost two years ago. I feel healthy and very happy in my life, I just want regular sex with someone I'm comfortable with. Fwb if yoy will. Is that wrong?

Bloomsday posted 8/20/2013 12:14 PM

I have engaged in something similar although we date as well - - movies, dinners, vacations. As for sex, I consider it like exercise and taking vitamins. It is part of a healthy lifestyle, gets the heart pumping and endorphins flowing. I figure it is like other recreational activities - - just because I am not a serious tennis player doesn't mean I shouldn't play at all. Likewise, just because I am not in a serious relationship doesn't mean I should not have recreational sex. And I have met more than a few women that feel the same way. Enjoy.

hurtfornow posted 8/20/2013 12:26 PM

Thank you for your feedback. I really agree it is like exercise and vitamins for me right now. I guess I just wanted to know I wasn't the only one who felt this way.

I am genuinely happy with my life and really don't want the drama or to have to put in effort towards a relationship. My life is quite full and that is the only thing missing for me.lol....

Amazonia posted 8/20/2013 12:27 PM

I had a FWB before I was ready for a real relationship. I see nothing wrong with it if you are capable of keeping your expectations on the same page, and are up front with one another about what your boundaries are (or aren't).

k94ever posted 8/20/2013 12:30 PM

Nah.....

I can't do casual sex. There's got to be an emotional connection for me.

I've got BoB.

Plus having gone through one episode of HPV I really don't want to go through any more nor catch anything more serious.

JMHO.

k9

suckstobeme posted 8/20/2013 12:35 PM

I don't think it's wrong.

Its not for me because I know myself well enough to know that sex automatically creates some sort of connection for me. I would see a fwb as a risk to my emotional health because I would likely get more attached than him.

But, if you are the kind of person who can detach and think of sex as just sex, and the fwb is on the same page at all times, then there shouldn't be an issue. If I was going to do it, I too would want it to be with a friend rather than some random dude or dudes.

hurtfornow posted 8/20/2013 12:35 PM

Thank you both for your feedback. I understand some people can't have sex without an emotional connection.

I have a B.O.B too. But it isn't the same as a real live person. I mean I can enjoy B.O.B just not the same release for me as the real thing.

ninebark posted 8/20/2013 12:36 PM

When I was younger I had a FB. It worked great for both of us, and when I was ready to move on I did and we were both fine with that.

Yeah, I don't hold too much truck with society and what they believe. I say live you life, do what makes you happy and use condoms..lol.

Williesmom posted 8/20/2013 13:18 PM

Yup. I've had one. The best part for me was that he was very upfront with the fact that he was unable/unwilling to commit. It took emotions off the table for me.

He's a great guy. We're very good friends.

The interaction with him was good for me, because he helped me make sense of so many things in my life. He also helped me learn how to express myself without feeling selfish.

If you get into that kind of sitch, don't expect him to fall in love with you - just accept it for what it is.

stupidstupidme posted 8/20/2013 13:21 PM

I am in this situation now, and I like it - for the most part. Single over two years, and we hang out maybe once a week or once every two weeks - for almost a year now.

Sometimes I do miss cuddling and sleeping with someone holding me... but I have pretty much everything I need and am happy with my current situation.

GabyBaby posted 8/20/2013 13:23 PM

I'm with K9forever on this one. I couldn't multi-date either, since I am not a fan of multiple romantic (or potential romantic) entanglements at the same time.

However, you have to be true to yourself. If it isnt a problem for YOU, then have at it (literally and figuratively ). As long as you and your partner are on the same page, it's your life.

hurtfornow posted 8/20/2013 13:26 PM

Thank you all for your replies. I had a couple of guy friends offer me this after my marriage ended, but I wasn't ready for anything that had to deal with controlling my emotions. I've been thinking lately of seeing if the offer was still on the table and gettinf a fwb going.

I'm glad to read that it is more common than I thought.

trumanshow posted 8/20/2013 15:18 PM

I never understood the FWB appeal until I hit this phase. The first 1 1/2 years I didn't even want to talk to a man. Then for a year I felt like you do

cmego posted 8/20/2013 17:05 PM

I think to each his own. If it works for you, and the person you are with...go for it.

I found I can't do it, I become emotionally attached.

The last time I had a FWB's was college, and we dated first...then turned to FWB's when we were both bored/not attached. Dunno why we never really worked, and looking back, the sex was bad. Young and dumb, I guess.

Now, I'm simply not capable.

Bloomsday posted 8/20/2013 19:36 PM

Just to be clear, I do think one can have an emotional relationship with the people they date and yet not want to be exclusive or married to them. I don't want to denigrate this by comparing it to other emotional relationships, but if you think of close friends, or pets, or special places that you consider almost sacred, those come close. I don't have to have any of those things exclusively or "under contract", and I know I may lose them or they may perish, but I can cherish them just the same.

[This message edited by Bloomsday at 7:39 PM, August 20th (Tuesday)]

risingfromashes posted 8/20/2013 20:01 PM

I have been in a FWB relationship for 9 months. We were just friends for over a year before the physical relationship began.

The guidelines were set before the first kiss. If one of us wants to per sue another partner, we stop. If one of us feels uncomfortable, we stop. We have had a month where it was not working (for him) and we stopped. We were able to continue our friendship without having the benefit part. We saw each other on a regular basis and it was not uncomfortable in the least. I missed the sex but the friendship is really most important to me.

I really care about him and I believe he feels the same way.

But a long term committed relationship? We would never last! I am not ready for that nor is he.

It is not ok for everyone or in every situation. Sometimes it is really wonderful.