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Newly discovered triggers....and anger

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ohiocarrie535 posted 8/20/2013 12:34 PM

Maybe trigger is too strong a term. It's more like things I now can't stand. Soap operas, romantic movie( especially Twilight which I used too love )Being around happily married couples. I wonder what other things are going to pop up? And now I've started noticing moments of anger toward him. Even though he is doing wonderful meets my needs. It's completely out of the blue and unprovoked. So far I have been able to hold it at bay and not express it. But it makes me think I have got to get in to see my therapist soon.

disillusioned12 posted 8/20/2013 13:25 PM

I think an IC will benefit you. It's helping me with all of my anger. I trigger all the time. I can't even watch movies with him any more. We watched Oblivion the other night and I was fine. Then the movie ended and I started crying. Not because of the movie, but because we were watching a movie at home on D-Day.

It's so frustrating because I don't see my FWH trigger. I don't see him break down emotionally, out of the blue. I see him able to live his life mostly uninterrupted by the destruction he caused. He says he's in turmoil and always carrying around shame, sadness, and remorse. He just deals with it differently I guess.

From what I've read on SI what you're experiencing is normal. I know this is of little to no comfort, but you're not alone. I hope you can see your IC soon.

disillusioned12 posted 8/20/2013 13:25 PM

Edited: deleted double post.

[This message edited by disillusioned12 at 1:25 PM, August 20th (Tuesday)]

confused615 posted 8/20/2013 14:28 PM

yeah....can't watch soap operas anymore without wanting to yell at the screen.

(Come ON Katie! Don't you dare beg Bill to come back to you! So what if he's pissed because you set up spy cams to see if you could trust him with your dare he say YOU broke the trust in the marriage..he fucked your sister,FFS!)


Im 3 years out..and discovered a brand new trigger last week. Public bathrooms.

blakesteele posted 8/20/2013 15:27 PM

Shocking to me how lightly American society views adultery. There is a reality tv show called "Mistress"!

Add to that the stats on how prevailant adultery is....meaning 30-70% of society is okay with it to partake in it and it all adds up to minimizing the trauma that it is.
At times I feel like starting a crusade! I want to scream "damn it.....this is condoned abuse....stop it!"

How would a reality tv show called "drunk" be received? Episodes revolve around a drunk wife's actions and how it destroys her life, her family, her marriage....why would that be too shocking for TV but what we are going through is almost romanticized? How long before that scenario becomes acceptable?

Not sure if this ties into the post...but my views on affairs sure have changed since I have experienced it first hand.

God be with us all.

[This message edited by blakesteele at 3:29 PM, August 20th (Tuesday)]

rbf1234 posted 8/20/2013 15:42 PM

For me it's because all my romantic feeling now feel like delusions. So anything related to love or romance is painful and humiliating for me to think about. It's a big loss.

ohiocarrie535 posted 8/20/2013 16:50 PM

I already scheduled another IC appointment before this anger gets out of hand. I miss being able to control my emotions. My marriage seems broken now. We can patch it back together, but I fear it always will be tainted. Like a stain that you'll never be able to wash out, no matter how hard you scrub. It makes me so sad.

[This message edited by ohiocarrie535 at 4:51 PM, August 20th (Tuesday)]

blakesteele posted 8/20/2013 19:37 PM


I, too, wonder what my marriage will resemble into the future....

struggling16 posted 8/21/2013 09:56 AM

I found that I triggered about truly strange things. The trauma was like a spider web; it could snare anything remotely connected to adultery and I would spiral down. I could cry at almost everything.

I also think that in the first and second years it took all of my energy to get through the days and nights. I simply couldn't exert any energy or effort on extraneous things. So tv shows, hobbies, reading, friendships, etc. were discarded. My WH has done almost everything right (except go for counseling) and I still trigger at weird things and my anger was very close to the surface.

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