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I do not know what to say to him....

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stungbytravel posted 8/20/2013 12:35 PM

He sent me an email this morning telling me he has to travel ASAP for "work". I do not know if this is true or not. He asked me if his daughter (17) could stay with me while he is traveling. Her friends offered but he thought I would be a better choice. I do not know how long he will gone only that it will be at least the weekend. I like her and we are fine together but I have started packing up the stuff and he doesn't know. I know she will tell him and I don't want him to know.

What do you guys think I should do?

ninebark posted 8/20/2013 12:38 PM

Is this an ex or a boyfriend? Not sure of the background before I throw my two cents in.

stungbytravel posted 8/20/2013 12:44 PM

Married almost 5 years. Together a total of 13. Separated on June 25th. His OW is a woman he works with and travels for work with.

stungbytravel posted 8/20/2013 12:46 PM

Oh yeah I am gone from the house for about 11-12 hours a day and she only has school for 2 hours a day

Sad in AZ posted 8/20/2013 12:51 PM

Very simple: "No; I have other plans."

ninebark posted 8/20/2013 12:53 PM

I would tell him that you don't feel it is appropriate for you to be her 'guardian' when she is going to be alone without supervision for such long periods of time. I have no idea what kind of teenager she is, but even the good ones can get into trouble from time to

That and I would not be doing anything to make his life easier for him to spend time with his OW, as this is probably the case.

stungbytravel posted 8/20/2013 13:06 PM

I feel guilty saying No. I feel bad for her but I just don't know

GabyBaby posted 8/20/2013 13:12 PM

Very simple: "No; I have other plans."
Ditto Sad.

Two questions:
1. Are you and WH still living in the same house?
2. Does his DD live with you guys?

If she doesn't live in your home full time, I wouldn't feel terribly guilty about saying no. He is the parent and it is ultimately HIS responsibility to make arrangements for his DD. I think he's got a giant pair to think it'd be ok to use you as a built-in babysitter while he goes off on a "business trip" likely with OW.

stungbytravel posted 8/20/2013 13:37 PM

I do not feel I owe it to him. The guilt stems from her. I have a good relationship with her and if we were divorced I would say sure no problem. Its this interim period where I am trying to not get sucked in and am putting distance between us.

dmari posted 8/20/2013 13:41 PM

Ugh ... tough decision. If you are away from home for 10 - 12 hours a day, then it would be irresponsible for you to accept responsibility for his child. If something should happen, do you have power of attorney?

GabyBaby posted 8/20/2013 13:52 PM

Think of it from the 17yr old's perspective then.
Her friends (parents) have offered to let her stay there?
What 17yr old do you know would rather be with a step-parent (albeit one with which you have a good relationship), than hang out with friends?!

[This message edited by GabyBaby at 5:08 PM, August 20th (Tuesday)]

Tearsoflove posted 8/20/2013 14:49 PM

How about:

"Since I am away from home a lot and already have plans in place, I cannot have her stay with me. However, please tell her that she can call me if she has an emergency while staying with her friend."

GabyBaby posted 8/20/2013 14:50 PM

^^Boom. Perfecto.

[This message edited by GabyBaby at 2:50 PM, August 20th (Tuesday)]

stungbytravel posted 8/20/2013 16:58 PM

Thank you for all the advice. I truly appreciate it

stungbytravel posted 8/20/2013 23:55 PM

My stepdaughter called and asked to stay with me. She said its only two nights because she has other stuff planned. it was thursday night and maybe sunday night so against all the advice I said ok. I figured its only a couple of nights.

Well I spied I wanted to find out if it is a romantic getaway. It wouldn't change my decision because she asked me and as I told you I already felt guilt because of her but wow was I not expecting what I found.

He booked an airline ticket to be gone for just about two weeks. I couldn't believe it. So he is going to go away and then pretend to have to get an extension and have to stay longer. I don't want him to know I spied so how do I use this to my benefit?

I am pretty sure I would not have agreed for two weeks. I feel so stupid for thinking it would be a few dayes Hindsight tells me it would be longer. I am so mad at myself and at him for the lie.

So help me be better prepared for the email extending. I of course can say no can do. This new trip actually extends into Labor Day weekend where I could have plans to go away but I don't. He is such a lying manipulator it bugs me that I haven't filed for divorce yet.

However this will come up again and as I said I feel bad for my stepdaughter.

idkam posted 8/21/2013 13:57 PM

I would go with what Tearsoflove posted... He doesnt need any other explanation...

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