because I don't think he will givve me tranparaency and passwords.
Without this it isn't even worth trying. Sorry. It's a bare minimum requirement. I'm not trying to be all doom and gloom...just don't get your hopes up.
I would talk with him and see what his thoughts are. You can save a list of requirements until the second talk, but warm him it will be coming. He can choose to meet them or not.
I will tell you than continued contact with the AP makes reconciling extra difficult. It causes the affair feelings to linger, it tortures the BS longer than necessary and is often an open door to continuation of the affair. I would think long and hard about if he cannot move departments, etc.
A bare minimum list would include:
transparency and accountability of his time, all the time.
NC with the AP
Entering IC for himself, and later, MC for the two of you
Reading whatever books you need to read
An open dialog about the affair
An open ended timeframe for your healing.