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That vibe

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HURTAGAIN1981 posted 8/20/2013 15:46 PM

Not sure if this is just me or if it happens to other people too. Sometimes when I look at a profile on OLD or someone sends me a message I get a weird vibe.

Even if there is nothing wrong with their profile. Picture looks fine and normal and they haven't written anything weird or odd. They can seem completely normal, but with some of them, I get this feeling that there is something that isn't quite right and it's a very strong feeling. Can't put my finger on it at all. I am not sure if this is paranoia, but I am not sure how it can be because it only happens with some people and not all.

Does anyone else get this?

cayc posted 8/20/2013 16:15 PM

Well yes, and the opposite too. Although I use the word "aura" lol. The guy I'm dating now? He had an awesome aura - and I can't quite articulate why - and so I contacted him. And indeed that has continued forward.

But for sure I've had the opposite feeling about a profile so I avoided messaging those types. I didn't need a concrete reason, just something didn't feel good was enough.

tabitha95 posted 8/20/2013 16:32 PM

I know what you mean. I'm new to OLD so the whole thing isn't natural feeling to me. But some of the guys on there, I quickly remove from my results. I click on the mouse quickly, with a look of disgust on my face, almost like I'm squashing a bug.

tabitha95 posted 8/20/2013 16:33 PM

...and the guys whose profile name is "blondehairbigdk" haunts me still.

Crescita posted 8/20/2013 16:33 PM

Hmm interesting, I wouldn’t discount it, but I’d also look a bit further into it to see if you can pinpoint something. When you have a bad outcome with something, your sympathetic nervous system trains you to feel that way when anything reminds you of that. It can be extremely helpful, but a lot of benign things can still make you trigger. Maybe a smile looks forced and your body is screaming this person is disingenuous, but it could also be the way their hair is parted reminds you of a controlling boss.

cmego posted 8/20/2013 17:02 PM

Yes, I have that vibe when I'm looking at profiles.

Usually it is a sentence, or phrase they used that really bothered me.

phmh posted 8/20/2013 20:01 PM

I don't get any vibes, but I am hyper aware and pretty picky about things -- for example, I don't date people who show negativity, use words that indicate they're not healed from past relationships, horrendous spelling/grammar (a few typos are OK), call women "girls" in their profile, etc.

I'm with Crescita -- if I were you, I'd be curious to see if you can figure out any reason why you feel like this; to find a pattern.

Harriet posted 8/20/2013 21:37 PM

I liked the one where he put a picture of his ex up and wrote in caps: My EX! HAVEN'T SPOKEN TO HER IN 5 YEARS BY MY CHOICE! Angry much? So bizarre.

I also steer clear of anyone who feels the need to talk about sex in their profile.

[This message edited by Harriet at 9:39 PM, August 20th (Tuesday)]

click4it posted 8/20/2013 21:52 PM

yep, I get that too and I used to ignore it. Now I listen to it and feel better about it. Always trust your instincts, which is the "vibe".

cmego posted 8/21/2013 08:02 AM

I also steer clear of anyone who feels the need to talk about sex in their profile.

I do the same.

I remember looking at one profile that impressed me...then at the bottom was something along the line of:

"You must like long, slow, wet kisses that last for hours. I love to kiss, and I like to kiss in public." All I could imagine was him licking my face at a restaurant...NEXT.

But, sometimes it isn't quite as obvious...just something...off.

phmh posted 8/21/2013 18:13 PM

Thought about this more today. The guy I'm currently seeing off of OLD is the only guy (out of probably 30-40 I chatted with and 15-20 that I met) who I gave me real e-mail address to and shared my last name before the first date.

So maybe there was some sort of vibe with him. And his pictures did not in any way do him justice. I wasn't that excited about meeting him the first time (as opposed to a few others who turned out to be duds) but perhaps my subconscious did pick up on something.

HURTAGAIN1981 posted 8/21/2013 19:00 PM

But for sure I've had the opposite feeling about a profile so I avoided messaging those types. I didn't need a concrete reason, just something didn't feel good was enough.

This is kinda what I mean. It doesn't matter who they are or what they look like. Obviously I avoid the ones with a series of pictures of them drinking beer or them with their arms draped over a girls shoulder in a club I don;t bother at all with the ones I don't even find remotely attractive at all, but some of those can seem normal and nice (just not my type) and some just seem very off for no reason whatsoever. Same with the ones I am attracted to.


...and the guys whose profile name is "blondehairbigdk" haunts me still.

Oh there are plenty of those aren't there?!? They usually start the conversation with a "Hi babe x" NO!!!

Hmm interesting, I wouldn’t discount it, but I’d also look a bit further into it to see if you can pinpoint something. When you have a bad outcome with something, your sympathetic nervous system trains you to feel that way when anything reminds you of that. It can be extremely helpful, but a lot of benign things can still make you trigger. Maybe a smile looks forced and your body is screaming this person is disingenuous, but it could also be the way their hair is parted reminds you of a controlling boss.

This got me thinking. I really can't pinpoint anything right now. I've been thinking about it today. I can see no reason at all on these profiles but there has to be something right? Not sure how you can get a vibe from someone through the internet


My 'vibe' has proven me correct again though. I got this vibe from someone who messaged me yesterday which is why I made this post. And he is proving to be a bit nuts and is the very one who I posted about last night, the one who thinks that when we meet, for the first time might I add (yeah as if that's gonna happen now) that I should agree not to meet anyone else from the dating site and see how it goes with one person first (him). Nah!!


yep, I get that too and I used to ignore it. Now I listen to it and feel better about it. Always trust your instincts, which is the "vibe".

I think I will! It's definitely there for some reason or other.

HURTAGAIN1981 posted 8/21/2013 19:02 PM

phmh,

I get that too! The anti-vibe if you will, which kinda lets you know the person is 'safe' and won't turn out to be a nutjob!

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