[This message edited by OldCow18 at 4:47 PM, August 20th (Tuesday)]
Former 80s Icon wishful thinking
What is scary is I don't even remember consciously making a decision to grab him it was just a reflex.
It was after I just read all of the emails and busted him. He was asleep and I woke him up.
I never touched him prior to this or since but he had the look of fear in his eyes since that is totally out of character for me.
But working through dday and my anger I bought a heavy weight punching bag that I beat the crap out of and I am sure he realizes I wished it was his face.
I want to caution everyone...hitting someone who has just shown you they can and will betray you..that they can and will shit all over you...could cause you to wind up in jail. They can press charges on you for assault..and you will end up in jail.
Again..I understand that rage..boy do I. I slapped WH on dday. Once. I lost my mind,truly. I don't even remember most of that day. Finding out your husband cheated..AND cheated on you with a man(blindsided) can cause one to lose their mind. But it was not ok. And had he wanted to press charges,he could have.
Don't do anything that will cost you your freedom. The very last thing you want is to be sitting in a jail cell...not knowing if your WH has his whore in your house with your kids.
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.
Something I did do was harm myself which also shocked me. I punched myself in the face, pulled my hair and other crazy things. My WH begged me to hit him instead but I couldn't. I wasn't angry but I was sad and I couldn't express the depth of my sadness. It was a very odd time in my life.
As angry as I am with him..I am angrier with myself. Some days,I really hate who I have become. I need to work on that.
This second time, I was pissed. I did not cry, It took me 2.5 days to cry and it scared me more then the whole situation. I cry over everything, but no I was just pissed. I want to hit him every time I see him. I haven't and wouldn't purposely, but I can't say that I haven't seriously thought about it. At one point I told him, "I want to punch you in your face, and walk away." At this point, I am still angry, but have decided to do a 180, all of my anger and hurt is going towards cleaning, exercising, spending more time with my daughter. Trying to figure out what is best for our future. I have tried to keep my mind preoccupied with other things. It's easier at times then it others.
I love the idea of a punching bad!
He called me stunning.
He had never called me that he only called his whore that.
Holy fuck I'm insanely angry now
I buy and launder his clothes and it made me angry OW saw and touched them. I also cut the bottom of one of his pockets so things would fall out. I told him after something fell out. He didn't get mad and was prob thankful that was all I did to his clothes...
Side note: I was watching the show Cheaters and one BW told her WH thru tears that she washed his clothes that he was wearing when she confronted him. And I could relate to her feeling.
[This message edited by whattheh at 6:20 PM, August 20th (Tuesday)]
Laying your beating yourself up for that out there is the next step, and I'd say, don't be too hard on yourself. In fact, I'd say, embrace your rage. Cooly.
It's the only way I know how to process this, so it's the only thing I can tell you.
If anyone else reading this feels exultation, if it's not followed by shame, reverse the genders here, to get an idea.
(or call me. I can kick ass and I got frens.)
<<<jj, prone to wimmenz violence
[This message edited by hobbeskat at 7:04 PM, August 20th (Tuesday)]
I will never lay a hand on someone else in anger. I just can't.
I make no judgments on those who lose control. You just don't know how you're going to react until you're in the moment.