I have found this group really helpful. It is good to read the stories and feel like mine is not the only lifetime movie of the week. There are people with lots of similar situations and everyone has been so kind and caring.
I am looking for a few SI friends to start a thread with me that are in a similar situation....??
H dropped bomb 2 weeks ago.
The story was confessed in a pretty immature and selfish way that was all about him not being able to "hold it all in anymore" and wanting to "live honestly now." Eventually, I got the whole story- which was not just him confessing what he did and asking for forgiveness. He was spinning it that he made a mistake and I kicked him out and of course I could never forgive him....so I guess I made that decision??
No. He made the decision to
leave the marraige. He met some skank in a sex chat room. They had a few sexual encounters and eventually it turned into a full blown LOVE affair. Yuck.
This has been going on for 16 months now. He has never communicated during this time that he was unhappy or that we had any issues that needed to be addressed. I had actually been REALLY happy this last few years because I left my job and started rediscovering myself, was less stressed, everyone in the family seemed to be thriving.
Prior to affair and during Sex life was not great. But honestly, whose is after 15 years, two careers, little kids, etc. He wanted more of it, and I told him what would make it work better for me. Little things, emotional connnections, more help, more affection pre bedroom. Same old story. I thought he just didn't care to put the effort in and just accepted it wasn't happening as often.
Well, it was happening alot over the last 16 months, just not with me....again YICK.
So, now he says he is in love with this skank he met in a sex chat room. SHe is getting D, my H wants D. Seriously???
I don't want him back. I feel like I don't even know who is or how he could do this to the person he said he would love, honor, respect- even if he wasn't "in love" with me, you still don't treat me that way. No Way. So cruel. Ripped apart all we built in 15 years.
Anyway. He is intellectualizing it all. Trying to justify and rationalize it. He doesn't really accept what he did as "it would be too depressing to focus on coulda, woulda, shoulda and I just want to live in integrity now and move forward." Huh? bullshit. bullshit. Bullshit.
He is deep in denial of the catastrophe of this thing for me and the kids. The life we had. Everything is going to be different and he can't even accept what he has done...just wants to move forward...
Anyway, I will be going through a D I am sure soon. Trying to be smart, letting the dust settle, getting my bearings. Meeting with professionals- IC, Separation Therapist (for kids), finding good Lawyer who is not a shark-type but compassionate type. Looking into how D works in our state, learning as much as I can.
Who is in similar situation and wants to be my buddy here????