I survived. Most of the things are agreed upon. I made some concessions just to be done.
At first we were in separate rooms, which i did fine with. Then lawyers "said we were so close" that we were all getting in same room to complete. That is when I lost it. Having to set across from STBXH was soooo hard. At one point I said i was leaving. I walked up and down the courthouse working in my mind the best way to get what I wanted. Came in and it was agreed upon.
There was credit card debt he was pissed about. But he conveniently forgets all the things I bought for us. Furniture, I paid his cell, the internet, tv etc. I don't like it that he feels I cheated him out of $.
At one point the lawyer was going to hold some things for 2 years (after child graduates) I said no, it needed to be resolved today. I stated I never wanted to deal with this or see STBXH ever again. He shouts, we have a son together you have to see me. I just looked at him. Cause I don't ever have to see him again if I don't want to. I started crying and I couldn't stop. I told my lawyer I needed to remove myself from the room. He tried keeping me there. No, I will be in another room. I so did not want to cry in front of my ex, but I couldn't stop it.
At the end in front of the judge, the judge asked questions. My lawyer said don't cry, you need to be of sound mind!!! I haven't been of sound mind since this damn thing started.
I hate that he saw me cry. There were a couple of verbal sparings and he just thinks I am so terrible.
He starts in on how is wants more time with DS(16). I told him it wasn't up to me, that it was up to DS when he wanted to spend time with his father. He is mad at me for that. I told him it is up DS when he wants to spend time with his father. I have no say in it. He say yes but....
I guess he thinks I am going to make DS see him.
Really, the financial end could have been a lot worse I suppose. But the emotional end has set back my healing. I had not seen him for 12 months. Complete nc.
Has anyone else cried during these sessions in front of x?
I think it shows I still care (I do, and I am so hurt still). My daughter says it just shows I have emotions.
At least I think the worse of it is over.
But gosh darn it I thought I was strong, guess the only person I fooled was myself.
Obviously I still have feelings for this man. Is it possible to still love someone, but no in you brain you can't.
[This message edited by Must Survive at 5:27 PM, August 20th (Tuesday)]
WS: Just a squished bug on the window of my life!
Divorcing, STBXH is engaged/living with OW#3
They have a choice: they can live in my new world, or they can die in their old one." — Daenerys Targaryen