Cookies are required for login or registration. Please read and agree to our cookie policy to continue.

Newest Member: SnowyOwl

Divorce/Separation :
Just drop them off and stop talking!

This Topic is Archived
default

 Iamhappytoday (original poster member #39051) posted at 2:09 AM on Wednesday, August 21st, 2013

I cannot understand how a man who left his one year old twins (AND HIS WIFE), for little hot young thing, who he now plans on marrying, insists on loitering when he drops the kids off after his every other weekend visitation.

Just drop them off and leave already. I don't want to talk. We are not friends. GO AWAY.

I have to limit my responses to him as he controls the purse strings, but what up with this friendly BS? He certainly wasn't friendly before D-Day.

Now? Oh, let me chat you up about the girls and tricycles and snacks and parks and aren't i a great dad, yay me! You look great, look at my tanning bed tan!

UGH!!! Drop them off, then leave, then I'll see you in 2 weeks!!!! GO AWAY!!!

BW 39
WH 34
2DD's 15 months at start
Together 10 years, M 9
OW 22 CW, 2kids by 2 men & youngest less than 1 when affair started.
Dday 1 8/16/12 "just texting"
TT, gaslighting, denial; was always PA; he left me for her. Divorced 8/11/15

posts: 227   ·   registered: Apr. 20th, 2013   ·   location: Free!!!
id 6456671
default

suckstobeme ( member #30853) posted at 2:32 AM on Wednesday, August 21st, 2013

Sadly, it's all about how that conversation makes him feel. He knows he's a total dickbag for leaving, but he doesn't want you to know that.

Soooooo, he does this to make himself feel better. He can say to himself, "See, self. She still likes yweft ecause we can talk like friends. We are great co-parents and the kids are fine. I'm not an asshole after all.". Obviously, this is delusional thinking.

I'm sorry you feel as though you can't

just shut the door in his face mid sentence. In the alternative, I might find myself on the phone and unable to chat every time he drops them off.

BW - me
ExWH - "that one"
D - 2011
You get what you put in, and people get what they deserve.
Hard as it may be, try to never give the OP any of your power or head space.

posts: 4028   ·   registered: Jan. 17th, 2011
id 6456691
default

 Iamhappytoday (original poster member #39051) posted at 2:50 AM on Wednesday, August 21st, 2013

Something needs to happen, but I don't know what or how to pull it off without messing with sensitive $$ areas.

It's hell. I cannot fathom why he thinks he can hang out and talk. I looked at him like he was CRAZY.

I said, please leave, the girls need the truck out of the driveway for safety. (anything! just GO)...

NOTHING. Nada.

He is really and truly in love with himself and his justifications.

He believes every word he says.

Go. JUST GO!!!!!!

It's bad enough feeling like I can barely breathe or make it through another sad day. I don't need this.

BW 39
WH 34
2DD's 15 months at start
Together 10 years, M 9
OW 22 CW, 2kids by 2 men & youngest less than 1 when affair started.
Dday 1 8/16/12 "just texting"
TT, gaslighting, denial; was always PA; he left me for her. Divorced 8/11/15

posts: 227   ·   registered: Apr. 20th, 2013   ·   location: Free!!!
id 6456705
default

 Iamhappytoday (original poster member #39051) posted at 2:53 AM on Wednesday, August 21st, 2013

Folks have bigger problems, and I'm sorry for venting, but I'm just hurting.

I don't understand how someone can be so incredibly effed up. I just don't get it.

And it doesn't end.

We all are experiencing it, in our own situations. It just sucks, is all.

BW 39
WH 34
2DD's 15 months at start
Together 10 years, M 9
OW 22 CW, 2kids by 2 men & youngest less than 1 when affair started.
Dday 1 8/16/12 "just texting"
TT, gaslighting, denial; was always PA; he left me for her. Divorced 8/11/15

posts: 227   ·   registered: Apr. 20th, 2013   ·   location: Free!!!
id 6456710
default

Skan ( member #35812) posted at 3:18 AM on Wednesday, August 21st, 2013

Hummm. How about going to the local Humane Society and asking for the humping dog. You know, that dog that everyone returns because when they have company over, the damned thing humps the hell out of their leg? Or whatever part of their anatomy they can get ahold of?

Find one of his old shirts, get some high-grade treats (Iike steak), and a clicker. Throw the shirt over a pillow, when the humping dog smells the shirt, click, treat. Then wait until the humping dog sniffs and humps the pillow, click, and treat. Then add the phrase "Just Drop The Kids Off" to the sniff, pillow hump, click and treat.

You can see where this is going, right?

So, humping dog is in front yard, he drops the kids off, and he tries to engage you. Humping dog smells him, you yell Just Drop The Kids Off and humping dogs goes to town on his leg, tire, whatever. Video, upload to YouTube, and make a fortune.

Maybe he'll drop the kids off a bit quicker next time.

Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012


posts: 11513   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2012   ·   location: So California
id 6456727
default

 Iamhappytoday (original poster member #39051) posted at 3:22 AM on Wednesday, August 21st, 2013

OMG.

Can we be friends? LOVE THIS!!!!!!

Thank you! I needed something to perk me up out of this pity party, and you succeeded.

Thank you!

I still hate that loser, though. And he'd probably hump his own leg judging from his newfound self-love. Loser.

BW 39
WH 34
2DD's 15 months at start
Together 10 years, M 9
OW 22 CW, 2kids by 2 men & youngest less than 1 when affair started.
Dday 1 8/16/12 "just texting"
TT, gaslighting, denial; was always PA; he left me for her. Divorced 8/11/15

posts: 227   ·   registered: Apr. 20th, 2013   ·   location: Free!!!
id 6456731
default

Random thoughts ( member #2959) posted at 3:23 AM on Wednesday, August 21st, 2013

How about having the door partially opened with cell phone in your hand predial your house phone and say sorry have to get that and close the door.

Those three words are said too much and not enough.Chasing Cars-Snow Patrol.FWW

posts: 1684   ·   registered: Dec. 17th, 2003   ·   location: Some where in New Jersey
id 6456734
default

LadyQ ( member #32847) posted at 3:41 AM on Wednesday, August 21st, 2013

Or, be on the cell phone when he gets there. You know, the fake call! Sorry he wants to be chatty, I agree with stbm's interpretation.

Tune out the noise of what others tell you about who you are and work it out for yourself...

posts: 1650   ·   registered: Jul. 21st, 2011
id 6456761
default

PurpleRose ( member #33129) posted at 3:44 AM on Wednesday, August 21st, 2013

Do you have temporary orders in place yet?

divorced the Dooosh 8/13
*****************************
Dance like nobody is watching,
Text and email like it will be used in court someday...

posts: 3871   ·   registered: Aug. 17th, 2011   ·   location: Happyville
id 6456765
default

Nature_Girl ( member #32554) posted at 6:34 AM on Wednesday, August 21st, 2013

Have you tried just closing the door?

Me = BS
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJgjyDFfJuU

posts: 10722   ·   registered: Jun. 21st, 2011   ·   location: USA
id 6456917
default

HurtsButImOK ( member #38865) posted at 7:21 AM on Wednesday, August 21st, 2013

he'd probably hump his own leg judging from his newfound self-love

That is gold! Made me giggle out loud (and I'm in public )

Me: Awesome - 35.... ummm, not anymore

"I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel". –Maya Angelou

posts: 759   ·   registered: Apr. 2nd, 2013   ·   location: Australia
id 6456933
default

7yrsflushed ( member #32258) posted at 1:43 PM on Wednesday, August 21st, 2013

at Skan!

Do you have temporary orders in place yet?

^^^ This. It's one of those situations where you kind of have to put up with it until you have an agreement in writing and your kids and the finances are protected. Well actually you don't have to put up with it but if dealing with him for a few extra minutes on drop off days keeps him docile until you get a binding agreement in place then put up with it for a bit.

For some reason they think we still want to be "Friends" with them. Being cordial because you are the mother of my children does not equal friends. I went through the same thing during in-house S for months but as soon as I had a signed PSA I didn't have to put up with that shit anymore. Took exactly 2 kid swaps for her to get that she no longer exists to me except when we HAVE to talk about the kids and even those conversations are short and to the point.

[This message edited by 7yrsflushed at 7:43 AM, August 21st (Wednesday)]

D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Divorced 9/2/14 and loving life!

posts: 2231   ·   registered: May. 24th, 2011   ·   location: VA
id 6457045
default

Skan ( member #35812) posted at 11:52 PM on Wednesday, August 21st, 2013

Yeah, well, if they could hump their own leg, or were flexible enough to "take care of themselves" orally, we'd never need to worry bout seeing them, would we?

Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012


posts: 11513   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2012   ·   location: So California
id 6457962
default

phmh ( member #34146) posted at 12:11 AM on Thursday, August 22nd, 2013

Yeah, well, if they could hump their own leg, or were flexible enough to "take care of themselves" orally, we'd never need to worry bout seeing them, would we?

XWH told me on many occasions he wishes that he could have married himself. I'm sure he'd love the above arrangement!

Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

Character is destiny

posts: 4993   ·   registered: Dec. 8th, 2011
id 6457989
default

 Iamhappytoday (original poster member #39051) posted at 7:25 AM on Saturday, August 24th, 2013

It's definitely one of those situations where, because of how the divorce is proceeding, I have to be civil and cordial. I hate it, but considering how showing them how much they've hurt us just makes us look weak, I consider it a disguised blessing.

Just sucks :(

BW 39
WH 34
2DD's 15 months at start
Together 10 years, M 9
OW 22 CW, 2kids by 2 men & youngest less than 1 when affair started.
Dday 1 8/16/12 "just texting"
TT, gaslighting, denial; was always PA; he left me for her. Divorced 8/11/15

posts: 227   ·   registered: Apr. 20th, 2013   ·   location: Free!!!
id 6461148
default

Heal&Deal ( member #30910) posted at 9:03 PM on Saturday, August 24th, 2013

Sorry to tell you, but you have kids, so you are stuck being cordial for, well, for a very, very long time.

My X is a loiterer. My strategies:

1) Come out the front door to greet. Never let him in the house or I can't get him out.

2) Talk directly to kiddo, immediately. "Great to see you! Did you have a nice time?" Focus on your excitement to see kiddo.

3) Dismiss the X. "How about Momma inspects your wavers? Let me see. (Inspect hands for waving capability) The look great! Okay, let's give Daddy BIG waves goodbye as he drives away!"

Alternate 3) Dismiss the X. "Okay, give daddy lots of hugs and kisses, before we wave him off."

Smile. Be super friendly and gentle, but focus on the kids and take control. It hasn't pissed my Narcissist X off yet and generally works unless kiddo wants to show a toy or some such something.

posts: 936   ·   registered: Jan. 20th, 2011   ·   location: USA
id 6461679
default

 Iamhappytoday (original poster member #39051) posted at 4:56 AM on Sunday, August 25th, 2013

What's funny is that I already do so much of that: the having everything already prepared outside, the waving and saying good-bye, etc.

Not letting him in the door...

Yet, the tool will loiter in the driveway throughout all those good-bye's.

Bet his girlfriend would pop an artery if she saw this in person. It certainly nearly pops mine, in a different way....

BW 39
WH 34
2DD's 15 months at start
Together 10 years, M 9
OW 22 CW, 2kids by 2 men & youngest less than 1 when affair started.
Dday 1 8/16/12 "just texting"
TT, gaslighting, denial; was always PA; he left me for her. Divorced 8/11/15

posts: 227   ·   registered: Apr. 20th, 2013   ·   location: Free!!!
id 6462055
default

dindy ( member #38424) posted at 10:26 AM on Sunday, August 25th, 2013

I hear you.

My ex-prat was the same until I asked him to drop the kids off at the front door. I was getting really pissed off with him coming into my flat and commenting on how nice things were, as if I need his approval!

Now I just be very nice and focus on the kids. I never look him in the eye anymore and I always say to them to say goodbye to their daddy.

It's not my job to make him feel like a good person, he'll have to do a lot of work on himself to be able to feel like that.

posts: 459   ·   registered: Feb. 11th, 2013   ·   location: uk
id 6462157
default

SBB ( member #35229) posted at 10:43 AM on Sunday, August 25th, 2013

Good lord. I'm so glad I live in a security block. I meet him at my block's entrance. I will never have him in my home nor even at my front door. He'll never breathe the pure air of my lovely home.

In the early days he did try a bit of "Good morning SBB!", "Have a great day SBB!" but I completely ignored it all and made a big song and dance of saying goodbye or hello to the girls. Didn't give him a chance to say much.

I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

posts: 6062   ·   registered: Apr. 4th, 2012   ·   location: Australia
id 6462161
This Topic is Archived
Cookies on SurvivingInfidelity.com®

SurvivingInfidelity.com® uses cookies to enhance your visit to our website. This is a requirement for participants to login, post and use other features. Visitors may opt out, but the website will be less functional for you.

v.1.001.20250404a 2002-2025 SurvivingInfidelity.com® All Rights Reserved. • Privacy Policy