I feel now though that the long and hard grind to hopeful R has begun and I have to admit to feeling very lost. The anger and continued questioning from my BW is understandable and warranted. The problem that I am having, is I honestly don't know what to do or say in order to become engaged with her. Am I just supposed to sit there and let her verbally attack me and not offer anything back? Anything that I say is not to be believed and the answers that she seeks only seems to infuriate her further when I give them. I am being honest and open and not withholding...that would be a death sentence right now and I am done with the lies.
I know that everything is still fresh and we are both still trying to process everything. I want to be part of the conversation...I want to be part of the solution. But I honestly don't know what I should be saying or doing to help facilitate that right now as it seems that nothing is helping right now and what I am saying and doing only seems to be making things worse.
Make damn sure that you have told her everything. Not accusing you of anything, just sharing my own foolishness. I TT'd for a month and that made it ever so much worse in the end. Lying poisons the process.
She doesn't get to abuse you, but she's as hurt as she ever has been. Hysteria, anger and wild emotional swings are actually a healthy reaction to what we have done to our partners. You both have to work through it and there are no guarantees.
Good luck and strength to you.
Remember what I said about the tsunami? Well, at this point, the floodwaters from the first one have likely not even begun to recede yet. Don't be tricked into complacency by the fact that you have some good days. There are a LOT of bad, some VERY bad, days t come yet. Just keep being open and honest. It feels strange to quote a Sci-Fi movie here, but in Men in Black III, they say "The most bitter truth hurts much less than the sweetest lie." Every answer you give, answer honestly and FULLY (no lies of omission). It will hurt her, because it SHOULD. But it will pass... eventually. As usual, easier said than done. All of the advice and support you receive here is written in the blood of those who have lived through it before you. But keep on the path and you have a chance. Stay strong.