SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

LiedtoLucy posted 8/20/2013 21:19 PM

I liked it better when i could still hope that the skank was lying. But no.. she is preggers..

So now the only hope left is that my WH is not the father. I feel like I should apply to be on the Maury Povich show on paternity reveal day.. (ugh)

Yay..for my 3 kids who get to share their father's income with a low life slut. He took their future because he is a selfish asshat.

This comes after an awesome MC session yesterday. WH actually cried...real tears. HE is starting to get it...showing remorse. I was feeling him feel my pain. but this.. i just don't know about. How do I look at this child and suppress my hatred for its mother. I know the child is innocent.. but if its mom sucks...how long before it sucks.. the life out of me?

MC says forget about the outcome and work on me. But how do you forget about an outcome when it involves a life and 18 years of financial responsibility that I didn't ask for?

plainpain posted 8/20/2013 21:24 PM

Oh, I am so very sorry. You have all my compassion. You are living my nightmare. Big bear hugs to you.

nowiknow23 posted 8/20/2013 21:25 PM

((((Lucy)))) Honey, an Other Child (OC) adds a whole separate dimension to everything. There's a thread in the I Can Relate forum for BS who are dealing with an OC. You may want to check it out. Lots of people who have walked the path in front of you.

Sending you strength and comfort.

kiki1 posted 8/20/2013 21:27 PM

(((Lucy)))

ugh, I'm sorry.

This sucks.

Chicky posted 8/20/2013 21:29 PM

My heart breaks for you having to deal with this. I'm curious though - you posted around mid May that the OW might be pregnant. It's now mid August. What took her so long to finally confirm? Also, when was NC instituted? I'm suspicious by nature and I would be very leery of your WH being the father of this child because from where I'm reading - it doesn't add up.

eta: I say it doesn't add up because by now she should be 5-6 months along unless my math is off <shrug>

OK - apparently I cannot read. I totally missed the "20 weeks" in your thread title. Forgive me. Pregnant OW's trigger me and I'm always ready to prove they are lying sluts

[This message edited by Chicky at 9:35 PM, August 20th (Tuesday)]

LiedtoLucy posted 8/20/2013 21:47 PM

Chicky-

OW called my WH at work on May 6th and told him that she WAS pregnant with hisbaby.

The May "might be" post was me in denial..thinking she was lying to get my WH back.

My friend works at the OB/GYN she goes to and saw her there. Investigated a little.

WH has been NC since that phone call on May 6th. She apparently conceived in mid April. My WH admitted to sleeping with her the week before D-Day which was April 23rd.. so unfortunately I think it does all add up. I wish there was a way for you to be right chicky.

LosferWords posted 8/20/2013 21:48 PM

((LiedtoLucy))

I'm so sorry you are dealing with this.

Definitely check out the OC thread in the ICR forum. I think you will find a lot of support there, including some very sage legal advice. I have found some great support there myself. Most of the members on that thread are women going through the same type of situation as you.

I totally understand about feeling like you're on the Maury show. One of the worst feelings in the world. I wish nobody had to go through that.

Strength to you. Take some time to process this, and be gentle on yourself. We're here for you.

Chicky posted 8/20/2013 21:51 PM

Damn, that sucks ass (as my grown son says...)

Have you and your H thought about what you are going to do going forward? I don't know much about child support but I have read here and other places that the wife should file before the tramp does so that the COM get the lion's share of support. I'm sure it's different for every state but I would get myself to a lawyer ASAP if I were you. Hang in there.

womaninflux posted 8/20/2013 21:57 PM

LTL - sorry you are going through this nightmare. This was a concern of mine, too, on DD and the weeks afterwards. It sure sounds like a mess. But I guess at least you know for sure? Still not sure how she could possibly be 20 weeks pg if she is saying she conceived in April. Is there at least a chance it's not your H's?

Has your H consulted a lawyer re paternity/CS/visitation?

Have YOU consulted a lawyer? You will need to know the impact of his CS on your CS should you - at some point in the future - decide to separate.

Again...so sorry...

Probably prudent to enact the old "plan for the worst, hope for the best" strategy.

Good luck. Come here to vent!

LiedtoLucy posted 8/20/2013 22:25 PM

womaninflux

On pregnancy calculator I found on babycenter.com says if she conceived on April 12th that she is exactly 20 weeks pregnant. Her due date is January 3rd. Happy Holidays to ME eh?

I keep hoping that there is the possibility that WH is not the father, but it seems unlikely. I can't believe he wanted to sleep with her, much less anyone else.

I am not beautiful..just a normal 38 y.o. wife/mother of 3. But I take care of myself. I am in shape. I try to look nice wherever I go. She is overweight, unkempt, hair is red and frizzy. Just really nothing at ALL to look at. Which IMO makes it even more embarrassing.

LiedtoLucy posted 8/20/2013 22:29 PM

Our MC has suggested that we contact an attorney as well. I guess we need to get with it. This isn't going away.

Should I get my own attorney separate from his to see what my rights are as the mother of his COM? or do you think the one attorney will be able to help with both?

I have posted in OC thread before and it has been very slow lately.

womaninflux posted 8/20/2013 22:37 PM

YES! Get your OWN attorney. Look for one who is a member of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers (you can find one on their website) or you can find one through your local Bar Association. Ask a divorced friend for a referral. Talk to a few. You might need someone who is pretty tough and well versed in these kinds of cases.

Your lawyer is NOT your girlfriend! Your lawyer is there to tell you what you probably don't want to hear and prepare you for the worst. Ultimately, what YOU do is YOUR decision. But your lawyer will layout all of your options. Remember, knowledge is power.

I know you are searching for a reason, but as Dr. Phil says (and I love this saying): Stop trying to make sense out of nonsense. Your H, like so many men out there, made terrible choices. It doesn't have anything to do with how we look or what we weigh (I made my SAWH promise to stop saying he cheated because of my weight - he had issues LONG before we met - porn!!! - and long before I gained weight that contributed to where we are today). They do this for WHATEVER unfulfilled childhood emotional need went unmet or they do this because they think they can get away with it - love to have a secret - or whatever reason. He needs to communicate to you that he knows he and he alone is responsible for this predicament.

Please stop trying to search for an explanation. You don't have anything to be embarrassed about - HE DOES! Stop protecting him in any way.

Put yourself and your needs #1 and I promise - you will figure out the rest somehow.

[This message edited by womaninflux at 10:42 PM, August 20th (Tuesday)]

Bluebird26 posted 8/21/2013 06:29 AM

Can you demand a paternity test ?

I am so sorry you are going through this.

((Lucy))

Undefinabl3 posted 8/21/2013 07:09 AM

Well, you don't owe her anything until the paternity test come's back that its your WS's. No false hope, but if she's messing around with one married man, who's to say she is not doing it with others?

I am so sorry to hear this, sending hugs.

[This message edited by Undefinabl3 at 7:09 AM, August 21st (Wednesday)]

hill posted 8/21/2013 07:32 AM

((((LTL))))

I am so sorry you're dealing with this. You've gotten great advice- I agree with everyone here about getting an attorney YESTERDAY to get all the ducks in a row.

I do want to mention that your friend that works at the OB/Gyn office needs to be very careful that she does not violate HIPAA laws. I know she is trying to help you, but she could very easily lose her job and career over that. It is extremely serious to leak patient information.

(((more hugs)))

Tred posted 8/21/2013 07:33 AM

Lucy,

As a preemptive move, you may want to sue your H for child support before the OC is born. That way the OW can only go after what is left of his income.

MrsDoubtfire posted 8/21/2013 07:50 AM

First question: is there any chance she was sleeping with anyone else at that time? H, Bf, F@@kbuddy, One night stand?

My heart goes out to you as for me an OC was something I know would be a deal breaker for me.

Sort out filing for your children and then take time out the time to talk through your options/ wants and needs should OC prove to be your H.

Don't assume until you have proof but prepare ALL bases beforehand with the thought that this might be an OC. Hugs.

tushnurse posted 8/21/2013 07:51 AM

(((LTL))))
What a crappy situation. I agree with the others get your very own attorney. You still are working toward R, but you have a lot to through with all of this, and you need to protect you, and your kids.

Please for the love of god, do not be embarrased by what you are going through. That is your H's burden and his alone. His choice to have an A with someone not so attractive has 0 to do with how she looked. She was TEMPORARILY able to fill some void in him. That is it.

Lastly, HIPAA is very serious stuff, your friend just divulging that she was in the office can get her fired, and if OW found out, could certainly get the office fined, and I would strongly recommmend that do not speak with that particular friend until all is said an done. Especially since OW has not been in contact, and has not asked for money. If she hasn't threatened suit, or CS, or asked for $$ then perhaps she already knows it's not his. NOT to give false hope, but if it is his, wouldn't you think she'd still be in contact with him?

Be proud that you are an awesome mom, and Strong giving woman, allowing your H a second chance is proof of that.

((((and strength))))

NoTriangles posted 8/21/2013 09:00 AM

I think this is every BS's worst nightmare. I just can't even imagine.

I can't add much to the sound advice you have already received. Just sending endless strength and mojo for you and your children.

(((LTL)))

1Faith posted 8/21/2013 09:17 AM

LiedtoLucy

Oh sweetie. I am so sorry.

Is the AP wanting his involvement?

There is I can relate group on this.

Good luck. Hugs and prayers.

Hugs !!!