SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

Gr8Lady posted 8/20/2013 23:19 PM

I watched a Dr Oz program devoted to the subject today, and I must confess it was stunning.
Although I have not been diagnosed, nor had any abnormal Pap the statistics were alarming. HPV can be spread by not only sexual contact, but skin to skin contact. That fact can attribute to anal HPV when no anal sex has been performed. The mere scrotal exposure on female generalization can cause exposure. The sad and sobering fact is that females can be tested for HPV, not males. That is alarming to me. Most females have no symptoms. When I think of the risk my WH took with my health and his, I want to scream.
Just tell me how infidelity can be worth this medical risk?
File under "what was he thinking".... Not just jeopardizing my health, but his own.
Another one of those unanswered and unexplained questions.

Jmho

1devastedmom posted 8/20/2013 23:42 PM

This is what I said to my husband and he said "but I used a condom". Dumbass what part of skin to skin contact do you not understand! I am so lucky that he didn't give me an STD with the number of dirty whores he fucked. The scary thing is I tested negative for hpv but who knows if i'll get it down the road.

stupidgurl posted 8/20/2013 23:51 PM

Isn't it stupid how there was a big hype that getting your child HPV vaccinations would be giving them the impression that they are safe to have unprotected sex. That just made me mad, and I am no hippie. My older son just received his second round of shots, and he has no idea what shot he got, he just knows he has to get shots for school. I am not worried about him getting any impression from it at all since he has no clue. He gets his sex impressions from those in his life who influence him the most, his father, his uncles, other male role models. Even I make an impression on him, which is why I will never let him know of my A.

I am glad I came out of my A un-diseased, I really risked myself and my husband and that makes me feel like crap. I assure you it was the last thing on our (us WS's) selfish, stupid minds, when it should have been the second, the first being our relationship.

[This message edited by stupidgurl at 11:53 PM, August 20th (Tuesday)]

heartache101 posted 8/21/2013 00:06 AM

I unfortunately was diagnosed with HPV and fast forward 13 years after his last affair I had to have hyster.
It is a deadly disease.
I had paps every 6 months after his affairs. i knew the trash he was with had something.
I am lucky to be here according to my doctor. Long story but I forced the surgery and my post surgery path report stated I was .1mm from being staged with cancer! please anyone that reads this if you think your husband cheatef get those paps every 6 months.

Gr8Lady posted 8/21/2013 08:19 AM

I learned from the program, and did more research online. It is by the grace of God my WH never gave either of us anything during his multiple infidelities.

IC counceler also told me there have been epic outbreaks of STDs in the over 60 population. Primarily because of Viagra, and spouses that have been in longtime marriages now widowed and seeking partners that have had multiple partners and exposure. Something my generation didn't do. Crazy isn't it?

brokendancer7 posted 8/21/2013 09:16 AM

This is something I worry about. OW had been very sexually active, so there's a good chance she has it. Since I'm one of those pitiful dinosaurs who has only ever had sex with fWH, he's the only way I could get it. My yearly GYN exam is next week. I really look forward to telling my doctor why I need to be tested. Sigh.

[This message edited by brokendancer7 at 9:18 AM, August 21st (Wednesday)]

simplydevastated posted 8/21/2013 09:25 AM

I have a few questions about this.

I've done some reading but I'm still confused about some things.

1. Why can't men be tested for HPV?

2. I've read that it can be dormant for upwards of 20 yrs, is that true?

3. If it is true, how can some people say they got from their WS's affair when it could have been from a previous partner (if the person had a previous partner)?

4. I've read/heard that there a many different types of HPV, some that our bodies can naturally get rid off and others are more serious, is this true?

Sorry for all the stupid questions.

doesitgetbetter posted 8/21/2013 10:47 AM

It is true, there are many strains of HPV. The vaccination they give kids now only covers a few of them and it clearly states that on all the immunization paperwork you get.

It is true, there is no test for men. Not sure why though. Also, the test for women is just your regular pap unless you want to do a biopsy to get for sure results. So maybe the test has to be a tissue test? If so, I'm sure there's not a man alive that would give up some man meat skin to have it tested for an STD.... "remove the scalpel from my nether regions!" he would say. I had to have a biopsy to test for it because I told my GYN that I wanted to be sure. Plus I was having a hyster anyway, so he did the biopsy and said I was good.

I also wanted to point out that it can be a very nasty thing for men to have as well. Men can get oral and throat cancer from HPV. They can also have rectal cancer and issues as well. There was a BW on here a few years ago who's WH had rectal and testicular issues due to his HPV. He had to have several surgeries down there, the way she described it he was blistered up all over down there, to the point that she couldn't help but cringe when she looked at it. He was out of commission in the bedroom for a VERY long time because of it. And he suffered a GREAT deal of pain due to it as well. So there are some serious consequences to the men with HPV as well. But HPV.... they don't really talk about this STD at all.

tushnurse posted 8/21/2013 11:05 AM

Dr OZ is shockingly wrong. There are two types of tests that can be done for men to be tested for HPV. One is a bit outside the realm of what medicine considers normal, and that is to use vinigar solution on the penis, and surrounding tissues. Dampen a washcloth with vinegar (white) and wrap it around the penis, and make sure the surrounding tissue is also dampened by it. Leave on for a few minutes, 5-10. Look for any flat white lesions. If these show up there is a high probability that the man has it, or at least some form of warts.
The second method is to do an oral test, where they scrape cells from their mouth to determine if they have it. It's a DNA test, so not free, but is well worth it, just as Michael Douglas.....

So there are a few ways to test, they may not be common, because it hasn't been a forced issue, but there is a way.

Dr Oz makes me nuts. I don't understand why he is even allowed to spew the crap he does on tv. Misleading information to America on a daily basis. UGH!

bradychu posted 8/21/2013 11:45 AM

The most recent article I read indicated that they are currently looking into the possibility of HPV increasing the risk of prostate cancer in men as well. Some believe the risk is quite significant.

hill posted 8/21/2013 11:46 AM

I agree with tushnurse. She's right on the testing for men. Dr. Oz drives me nuts too.

Simply Devastated, in answer to your other questions:

#2-3. Yes, it can be dormant for several years. If someone has had multiple sex partners (that's more than ONE, folks! ) there is no way to know for sure from whom you contracted the virus.

#4. Yes there are many, many different strains, some high risk for cancer and some low risk. The HPV vaccine protects against the most common high risk strains. The HPV DNA test you sometimes receive with your Pap tests for many of the most common high risk strains. There are DNA tests for low risk strains but the low risk strains aren't really something to worry about and it's cost prohibitive to test for them. Some labs still do it, but I think that's a crime.

80% of the population has or had HPV. Even if a woman develops low grade cervical lesions due to HPV, 70% of those will regress WITHOUT treatment. In fact, about 50% of high grade lesions are thought to regress spontaneously as well.

(What I am referring to as lesions are different than strains, i.e. high risk strain of HPV does not necessarily mean high grade lesion, but those with a high grade lesion usually have a high risk strain. Clear as mud?!).

This does NOT mean you should gamble if you are diagnosed with a high grade cervical lesion. However, there has been a shift in recent years to treat young women with certain lesions less aggressively than they used to in the past. If women have a leep or cone procedure (not biopsy, that is a small amount of tissue) they are more at risk for cervical incompetence during pregnancy.

Bottom line- get those Pap smears at the recommended intervals. This may be every 6 months, it could be every 3-5 years depending on your age and history.

[This message edited by hill at 11:48 AM, August 21st (Wednesday)]

nestlee posted 8/21/2013 11:59 AM

My H has Genital warts on his sctotum. I have been tested on a regular bases and my tests have always came back negative. These warts started developing on him 2009. That's how I know he has cheated on me. But he still won't confess. He's still lying through his friggen teeth ugh.

simplydevastated posted 8/21/2013 12:11 PM

Thank you for the answers to my questions. This helps a lot to clear things up (no pun intended ) I'm sure I'll have more questions, though

Gr8Lady posted 8/21/2013 20:20 PM

We all need to be educated about HPV. It is my understanding that even men/males can receive the vaccine, however the titer (immunity) may only last a couple of years.
Knowing that WH had contact with a known promiscuous female is frightening. If each person's actions only affected them....however the consequences can be far reaching.
Quite a price to pay for an affair in my opinion.

Emotionalhell posted 8/21/2013 20:41 PM

I know that HPV is also the cause in the increase in oral cancer.
It is scary. I don't know why anyone wants to take the risk.

I didn't know it is believed to be the cause of some prostate cancer. I'd like to read the research on if for WS.

hitbyatruck posted 8/21/2013 23:23 PM

HPV and Cancer here...

I went through this in late 2002. I can't say for sure my H gave it to me. I was only with H from 1997 on but I was not a virgin before him.

Full hysterectomy due to cancer at 27 or 28 years old....can't do age math right now.

minorsong posted 8/22/2013 12:58 PM

My husband and I both developed warts from HPV around '92, 7 years after we began dating and 6 after we married. Mine were much worse but we both underwent surgery to burn them off. The whole thing was very painful and uncomfortable. I had not been with anyone for 2 years before I started dating H. He had a steady girlfriend until just before we started dating. I always thought one of us had contracted it before getting together and had then given it to the other. Though I believe H was faithful until his A in 2009, I sometimes wonder...because I know I was.

Neither of us has had a problem since, but I am confused as to whether we still carry the virus or if it has completely left the body.
He never disclosed to AP that he had had it, and of course did not use a condom.
Part of me hopes that my FWH passed the virus on to the parasite he had his A with. I know that is terrible, but the thought of her clutching her burning nether regions in agony is small consolation for the pain she brought to my life.
Anyone know if it is possible for a male to carry and pass on a long dormant (17years) strain of HPV?

[This message edited by minorsong at 1:01 PM, August 22nd (Thursday)]

Tearsoflove posted 8/22/2013 13:25 PM

About 6 months after his first affair ended and 3 months after he came back from deployment, my husband got an email from the OW about her impending testing because of a big cancer scare (for sympathy, I assume). I responded as him acting concerned and asking what type. Her response was cervical.

I knew that a 21-year-old having a cervical cancer scare probably meant HPV so I went and got a pap. Yup. Abnormal cells for me, too, and within about a month, my husband began developing warts.

My doctor refused to do a hysterectomy and insisted that because I was healthy and didn't drink or smoke, I had a good chance of fighting it off with my immune system. In the meantime, my husband went and got a prescription cream for the warts. I had paps every 3 or 4 months after the first abnormal pap and colposcopy with biopsies.

The results: Within the first year, I was having normal pap smears. My husband never used the cream and, instead, began eating to boost his immune system, stopped taking ibuprofen and pain meds, and cut back on smoking. His warts went away on their own.

I now get a pap every year and so far, so good. I also insisted that my teenage daughter get the vaccine but explained that there were many strains and the vaccine only protected against a few so she still needs to be cautious.