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Newest Member: Thefighter (60790)

User Topic: Should I respond?
♀ 38424
Member # 38424
Default  Posted: 5:07 AM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I texted xWS this morning to ask for his mums mobile number as a few months ago when I was in a really bad place I asked her not to contact me again as I was really uncomfortable knowing that ex confessed everything to her and not me.

Anyway, last night I spoke to a good friend and I mentioned that I was thinking of contacting her just to say hello and wish her well, and to say that I needed to say NC with her at the time due to where my head was at.

Also, she is a great woman and I do feel really sorry for her as both her sons have now split with the mother of their children. I now none of this is her fault and I don't want her to think that I have ill feelings towards her. I've known this woman for 8 years and she has always been a beacon of support.

But. ex has just texting back asking why I want her number and not texted her number.

Should I reply to this? I'm tempted to ignore it and just message her on facebook instead as it's none of his business.

Posts: 459 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: uk
♀ 34678
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 5:36 AM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

yeah, just facebook her. However, if you are still not a fb friend, then your message is going to go into the "other" box that many people don't know about. To read your own "other" messages, click on the icon for new messages, when the new messages pop up, look a little to the top right, and it will say "other". Click on that and you can read messages other people have sent you. It is my understanding, she won't know about this feature until someone tells her!

I think you might do better trying to get her number from someone else, mail her a post card or card, or something. But, I do think you should explain yourself, however, my WS family took his side, KNOWING he had the OW in my home.

Also, WS has probably told her all sorts of stuff about you and who knows if she is going to listen to you.

[This message edited by homewrecked2011 at 5:38 AM, August 21st (Wednesday)]

Sometimes He calms the storm. Sometimes He lets the storm rage, but calms His child.
Dday 12/19/11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day. Shocked the hell out of him, with D papers, I'm proud to say!
D final10/30/2012

Posts: 4059 | Registered: Jan 2012
♀ 38424
Member # 38424
Default  Posted: 5:50 AM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks homewrecked2011.

I am friends with her on fb so will just message her. I have no doubt that ex has told her all sorts of nasties about me to justify his behaviour.

I just want to wish her well really as she's had a shit time of things.

By the way, ex has just texted me her number saying be nice to her because its not her fault that he has been a dick.

Well he's been a bit more than a dick! And I know it's not her fault. WTF, he really does have very low opinion of me. What a loser.

Posts: 459 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: uk
♀ 38424
Member # 38424
Default  Posted: 8:58 AM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dipshit has just texted back again wanting to know why I want to contact his mum, saying that she is really stressed out and having a hard time and going to counselling and that he doesn't want me to stress her out.

I've replied that I would never stress her out, never have done and if she's stressed it's because of him.


Posts: 459 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: uk
♀ 35812
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 9:30 AM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"I am not the cause of her stress." then crickets to him.

Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012

Posts: 9796 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
solus sto
♀ 30989
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 9:56 AM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'd go with crickets at this point.

BS-me, 55; WX-irrelevant
Divorced after an eternity
"So much for the past and present. The future is called 'perhaps,' which is the only possible thing to call the future. And the important thing is not to let that scare you." Tenn

Posts: 15246 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
♀ 38424
Member # 38424
Default  Posted: 10:36 AM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I couldn't help myself and asked him if she was going to CPU selling because of what he had done. Naughty I know but it made me giggle.

As expected he hasn't responded.

Back to crickets.

Posts: 459 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: uk
♀ 38020
Member # 38020
Default  Posted: 10:41 AM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wouldn't.

Contacting someone and saying that you need space and don't want to talk, IMO, sends mixed messages. You could always have space and not talk by...not contacting in the first place.

Make attempts to contact her if/when you are really ready to have her in your life again.

I have been cheated on by 3 different men, and I have more DDays than anyone ever should. I am here, just trying to pickup the pieces.

"What did you expect? I am a scorpion."

Posts: 879 | Registered: Jan 2013
♀ 21101
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 10:48 AM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with BB, it is a really mixed message.
I would be tempted to send a card, and let her know that you care about her, and respect her. That as you heal from this you would like to stay in touch and have an aimiable relationship. That's all.
But to message her on FB to say Hi, I don't want to talk to you now seems somewhat confusing.

Him: FWS
Kids: 18 & 20
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.

Posts: 13103 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
♀ 38424
Member # 38424
Default  Posted: 12:52 PM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry I don't think I made myself clear before.

A few months ago after she texted me, I replied that I thought it would be best if we didn't contact each other as I found it really difficult getting my head around the fact that ex confessed everything to her yet, only TT'd to me when pushed into a corner. I did say to her that I had no ill feeling towards her and wished her well. She replied saying that she was sorry for what had happened and would respect my wishes.

Now that I am in a better place I would like to contact her to see how she is. I also want to reiterate to her that I do think she is important to me and that I needed my own space to digest what had happened. She has been like a mother to be during my relationship with ex. My own mother died before I met ex and she really filled a hole. I also wanted her to be at the birth of my daughter as I suspected I was having a girl and she was unable to have girls, only sons.

I also know that she is having a difficult time as her husband is due to have a serious operation. She is also suffering depression and has been for a few years now due to other reasons.

I guess I just want her to know that I will always be there for her. And, part of me thinks why should I let xWS get in the way of our friendship?

She might choose to ignore me as I can only guess that ex has said all sorts of nasty things about me.

I can only try.


Posts: 459 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: uk
Topic Posts: 10

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