"I'm still standing better than I ever did. Looking like a true survivor, feeling like a little kid" Elton John
11 years ago today, it all feels so bittersweet.
Last year, I was so innocent, never would have believed this possible, hell, I still can't believe this is possible.
I will try to be grateful that we have the opportunity for a marriage that I never new was possible. Will we get there? That remains to be seen.
We have the chance though and that is more than we had before.
This hurts, it hurts more than I ever knew existed. I have barely slept, the worst night since dday.
Nightmares, up every hour, night sweats! Haven't had that before.
Today h took off from work to spend with me, a nice surprise. We are going to the beach, he even suggested bringing a book for us to read together. Another surprise.
I bought a card, not the usual mushy, over the top, love you forever, just a simple "we belong together" I wrote a note, this is the hardest but I imagine how we can be sort of thing.
On Friday is the 1 year date of the beginning of his a.
I found a text I sent him on that day last year. "hi baby, where are you? You are just having way too much fun with that phone!"
We had just gotten new phones, he had just gotten an Iphone, we never texted before. He had started texting her on this day. Long phone conversation with her.
Such an innocent comment on my part. Rather prophetic.
All the things that I know now that I wish I didn't. All the days ahead that I have to get through.
I can't seem to help thinking, on this day last year...
The dates all seem burned into my brain. How is this possible? I never remember dates!
I look forward to the first day when I don't cry.
I would now like to be known as Can!
dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013
I attempted R, he was a lie