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GraceisGood posted 8/21/2013 09:07 AM

So, our 25th was last week.

My bio dad died the week before, so I was/am doing all of the necessary things for that. I ended up working later than anticipated (by about 5 hours), started my period early (with cramps and I was exhausted due to period and extra hours on my feet at work).

H got a BJ and I went to sleep.

All we were going to do was go out to eat, and I am glad we did not because it seems so anti climactic, we can eat out any time, not like it was special or anything in my mind. I feel an anniversary should be "special", I would rather have nothing than "normal" on that day after all the past disappointments.

I am not banging my head against the wall like I usually do with holidays or special days wishing for more. I am just sad, but not bad sad, just sad.

H made a face book post with some of our wedding pics and said:

One very Hot August day 25 years ago to the day(before my 20th birthday), my best friend allowed me to share her top dresser drawer till the end of time...I am forever grateful for her unselfish commitment since that very day.

Nothing was said face to face.

He has told two of our customers though that we just had our 25th. He has every right to talk about it but I feel so awkward, people expect certain reactions and I just cannot give it. Yesterday our client said the reason we have made it so long is because my H knows two words very well: "yes dear".

That is actually why I am posting, I just needed to get it out. At this time I have NO one, no family no friends to talk about this with, it is just me, myself and I. I feel like a boxer getting beat to hell and there is no one in my corner wiping my face or offering me water.

No responses are necessary, I just needed a place to "get it out" so hopefully I can just move on and keep on keeping on. I suppose this is my way of trying to offer self compassion.

My kids are healthy, oldest got her braces off this week, new puppy is doing well and such a funny and smart boy, we are still in our house and managing to just keep ourselves going, so it is not all bad.

Grace.

GraceisGood posted 8/21/2013 09:10 AM

The "yes dear" thing is what got to me. I would have been able to keep on keeping on, but it just was sad. The stereo type, the idea that I am hen pecking, controlling, etc, when in reality I am just the opposite. Just another area of life to be misrepesented and not seen, to take the "blame", etc.

He is a nice older man, and I am sure it is just an ingrained, automatic thing he said, I am not angry at him, just sad for our society and how things like that are so common.

Grace

ladies_first posted 8/21/2013 10:13 AM

The "yes dear" thing is what got to me.

The well-meaning client should have offered a simple "Congratulations on your 25th wedding anniversary" and left off the commentary.

GraceisGood, "Congratulations on your 25th wedding anniversary"

GraceisGood posted 8/21/2013 10:15 AM

Thank you Ladies_First

grace

Painfuljourney posted 8/21/2013 10:17 AM

My dd was the day after my anniversary. So like 2 months ago. I know I will have a trigger on my anniversary next year. It's going to be a rough week I imagine. Not that I'm planning on it I just know. Hang in there, it's just another day and will pass and it's ok to feel sad. I think it's also ok not to celebrate it and be a faker. I really think eventually WH and I will need to make new vows and have a new anniversary. My old one is ruined. My vows are ruined as well. But I still love him and want to stay. But even my wedding rings are ruined, everything is ruined before A.