As you all know I had court mediation yesterday, see here:http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=505585&HL=34533
I am more depressed than I thought I would be. I think part of it was seeing STBXH after a year of NC. But it is also the fact that he is still mad at me. Angry that he has to pay half of my credit card debt (I own a business and there are good months and bad months). He says he did not know about them. Thats true, he had been told once and it was left at that. To run my business I never used any family $. He would not agree to it. Of course when he started his own company, he used his retirement plan to fund it!
Anyway I am thinking I still had hope that he would want to come back (not sure that I want him back, but it would be nice to think he made a mistake). But to see him so angry at having to pay cs and ss (both were increased at mediation) and to pay half the bills. I feel like he will never be anything but angry at me.
During the mediation he raised his voice and said he wants to see more of DD(16). I told him that was up to DS, they make plans between themselves. He just glared at me.
So what is my problem. Why am I worried that he is angry at me soooo much, that he would never consider getting back together?
Yesterday really was a setback for me and my healing and moving on. I can't figure out why I would want this man. But then I can't understand why he threw our 20 years away with 1 blink of an eye. Never looking back.
I need to get this figured out soon. I was just feeling normal, then these darn emotions.
WS: Just a squished bug on the window of my life!
Divorced-Let my new beginning start
They have a choice: they can live in my new world, or they can die in their old one." — Daenerys Targaryen