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nutmegkitty (original poster member #33882) posted at 4:20 PM on Wednesday, August 21st, 2013
on initiating weekend plans? Is it up to the guy, always? Is the woman too needy/pushy if she initiates the asking?
Where is that fine line, dammit!!!
Me - happy!
2 DDs
Very happily divorced from an NPD since 2013.
Amazonia ( member #32810) posted at 4:21 PM on Wednesday, August 21st, 2013
How long have the two people in question been dating?
"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ
nutmegkitty (original poster member #33882) posted at 4:22 PM on Wednesday, August 21st, 2013
loosely, a couple of weeks.
Me - happy!
2 DDs
Very happily divorced from an NPD since 2013.
nowiknow23 ( member #33226) posted at 4:42 PM on Wednesday, August 21st, 2013
I'm clearly not a guy, and my dating skills are old and rusty, but I fail to see how you initiating plans does anything other than show interest.
Unless your plans involve eloping or something. 
You can call me NIK
And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.
― Sarah McMane
Crescita ( member #32616) posted at 4:46 PM on Wednesday, August 21st, 2013
“Happiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue.” ― Viktor E. Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning
Amazonia ( member #32810) posted at 6:41 PM on Wednesday, August 21st, 2013
Unless your plans involve eloping or something.
IMHO, if you are a planner and have something you want to do, and you invite a guy along, and that freaks him out, he's not the right guy for you.
ETA: That is to say, I think one should be themselves as much as they can, instead of doing what they think they are "supposed" to do, or what they think would make the best impression on the other person, while in the early stages of dating. I'd rather find a guy who accepts me for who I am than one who I can manage to impress enough by playing the game well enough to get him to stay, if that makes sense.
[This message edited by Amazonia at 3:25 PM, August 21st (Wednesday)]
"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ
cayc ( member #21964) posted at 7:24 PM on Wednesday, August 21st, 2013
The fine line is that neither person should have to do ALL the asking. Sometimes you will, sometimes he will. If only one person is, then that means either one person is actually uninterested or is incredibly passive, neither of which is attractive.
click4it ( member #209) posted at 9:30 PM on Wednesday, August 21st, 2013
Ditto to what cayc just said.
Me: 45
Two boys: 20 and 17
Divorced 12-13-05
d-day 10-02-01
Laughter will cure life's ills. Have you had your laugh today?
damncutekitty ( member #5929) posted at 10:05 PM on Wednesday, August 21st, 2013
How often do you talk? How much have you gone out in the last few weeks?
12/18/15 found out my now EX boyfriend was trolling CL for underage girls. From the cops. The fun never stops.
ladies_first ( member #24643) posted at 10:27 PM on Wednesday, August 21st, 2013
After "a couple of weeks", I woulndn't assume you had weekend plans unless it was mutually agreed upon.
Otherwise, what cayc said.
Personally, I think you're smart to raise the question mid-week so neither feels like "if nothing better pops up, I'll give you a call on Saturday afternoon."
"We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us." ~J. Campbell
"In the final analysis, it is your own attitude that will make or break you, not what has happened to you." ~D. Galloway
InnerLight ( member #19946) posted at 8:55 PM on Thursday, August 22nd, 2013
I fail to see how you initiating plans does anything other than show interest.
Actually it can do more than show interest. It can also give the message:
- You don't have to make any effort, I will do all the planning.
All the same, that doesn't mean you sit like a passive lump waiting to be asked out. You can express your interest by saying, 'There's a free concert in the park on Saturday and I think the band is really good.' If he doesn't respond or ask you out then make your own fun plans.
BS, 64 yearsD-day 6-2-08D after 20 years together
The journey from Armageddon to Amazing Life happens one step at a time. Don't ever give up!
nutmegkitty (original poster member #33882) posted at 2:49 AM on Friday, August 23rd, 2013
Well, I asked him, and he has kid obligations. But he said that he liked that I asked.
Me - happy!
2 DDs
Very happily divorced from an NPD since 2013.
Bombshell ( member #36058) posted at 5:47 AM on Friday, August 23rd, 2013
I just had to chime in. I have been seeing a guy for about a month. Both of us looking for companionship. He's got kids still at home and he has to travel out of state...a lot. He made the first move and I have contacted him a couple of times about getting together as well. He let me know that he's had experiences where women have blown up his phone and got upset when he wasn't able to call them back. He didn't like it.
I have let him know I'm interested, but I don't feel like I put any pressure. As I see it, he's a grown man and he can speak for himself. I really let him set the pace initially, but as I said, I have initiated contact as well and invited him out a couple of times, so I feel like we are exploring how to communicate with each other. Its' a learning experience for us both. I'm learning to relax and just let it happen. 
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