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what is the SI school of thought...

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nutmegkitty posted 8/21/2013 10:20 AM

on initiating weekend plans? Is it up to the guy, always? Is the woman too needy/pushy if she initiates the asking?

Where is that fine line, dammit!!!

Amazonia posted 8/21/2013 10:21 AM

How long have the two people in question been dating?

nutmegkitty posted 8/21/2013 10:22 AM

loosely, a couple of weeks.

nowiknow23 posted 8/21/2013 10:42 AM

I'm clearly not a guy, and my dating skills are old and rusty, but I fail to see how you initiating plans does anything other than show interest.

Unless your plans involve eloping or something.

Crescita posted 8/21/2013 10:46 AM

Go for it!

Amazonia posted 8/21/2013 12:41 PM

Unless your plans involve eloping or something.

IMHO, if you are a planner and have something you want to do, and you invite a guy along, and that freaks him out, he's not the right guy for you.

ETA: That is to say, I think one should be themselves as much as they can, instead of doing what they think they are "supposed" to do, or what they think would make the best impression on the other person, while in the early stages of dating. I'd rather find a guy who accepts me for who I am than one who I can manage to impress enough by playing the game well enough to get him to stay, if that makes sense.

[This message edited by Amazonia at 3:25 PM, August 21st (Wednesday)]

cayc posted 8/21/2013 13:24 PM

The fine line is that neither person should have to do ALL the asking. Sometimes you will, sometimes he will. If only one person is, then that means either one person is actually uninterested or is incredibly passive, neither of which is attractive.

click4it posted 8/21/2013 15:30 PM

Ditto to what cayc just said.

damncutekitty posted 8/21/2013 16:05 PM

How often do you talk? How much have you gone out in the last few weeks?

ladies_first posted 8/21/2013 16:27 PM

After "a couple of weeks", I woulndn't assume you had weekend plans unless it was mutually agreed upon.

Otherwise, what cayc said.

Personally, I think you're smart to raise the question mid-week so neither feels like "if nothing better pops up, I'll give you a call on Saturday afternoon."

InnerLight posted 8/22/2013 14:55 PM

I fail to see how you initiating plans does anything other than show interest.

Actually it can do more than show interest. It can also give the message:
- You don't have to make any effort, I will do all the planning.

All the same, that doesn't mean you sit like a passive lump waiting to be asked out. You can express your interest by saying, 'There's a free concert in the park on Saturday and I think the band is really good.' If he doesn't respond or ask you out then make your own fun plans.

nutmegkitty posted 8/22/2013 20:49 PM

Well, I asked him, and he has kid obligations. But he said that he liked that I asked.

Bombshell posted 8/22/2013 23:47 PM

I just had to chime in. I have been seeing a guy for about a month. Both of us looking for companionship. He's got kids still at home and he has to travel out of state...a lot. He made the first move and I have contacted him a couple of times about getting together as well. He let me know that he's had experiences where women have blown up his phone and got upset when he wasn't able to call them back. He didn't like it.
I have let him know I'm interested, but I don't feel like I put any pressure. As I see it, he's a grown man and he can speak for himself. I really let him set the pace initially, but as I said, I have initiated contact as well and invited him out a couple of times, so I feel like we are exploring how to communicate with each other. Its' a learning experience for us both. I'm learning to relax and just let it happen.

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