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Newest Member: SadDadOf3 (46038)

User Topic: Anniversary ideas
babbs
♀ 40368
Member # 40368
Default  Posted: 10:21 AM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I need your help! Our anniversary is in a little over a week. I told H that I wasnted us to acknowledge our anniversary during our family vacation. We'll likely just have wine after we put the babies down. I don't want to get him a traditional gift rather something more heartfelt. I thought about putting together a collage of pictures we've taken over the years with my thoughts next to each. I don't know if this will be a trigger so I don't want to upset him. I also considered putting a collage of places to go or see together in the future... IDK I haven't decided any help would be appreciated. TIA!

[This message edited by babbs at 10:22 AM, August 21st (Wednesday)]


Posts: 50 | Registered: Aug 2013
babbs
♀ 40368
Member # 40368
Default  Posted: 10:23 AM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I didn't mean to put a stop to BS posters! Still learning the site Please Post!

Posts: 50 | Registered: Aug 2013
OldCow18
♀ 39670
Member # 39670
Default  Posted: 10:34 AM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm a BW responding as you said you didn't mean to put a stop sign...

Our 10 year anniversary was 6 weeks after d-day so it was a disaster, our counselor told us that we should share a meal but not consider it a "celebration" ... he tried to plan a dinner out but the babysitter bailed and I never heard about it again. I am so sad about that.

For me, a collage of memories would absolutely kill me, but I do love the idea of a collage of things you want for your future. I know that had he given me a gift it would have only been a reminder of the affair and not our anniversary. It's a tough situation for sure. Good luck, hopefully you'll get some great ideas.


Me, BW forty something, DD & DS,
Married to WH (49) 11 years, together 16
D-Day 6.8.13

Posts: 620 | Registered: Jun 2013
Deeply Scared
♀ 2
Member # 2
Red  Posted: 10:35 AM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

BS's are not to reply on stop sign threads, please do not encourage them to break the site guidelines.

I will remove the stop sign, but please be more careful in the future.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 10:37 AM, August 21st (Wednesday)]


"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.


Posts: 199203 | Registered: May 2002
OldCow18
♀ 39670
Member # 39670
Default  Posted: 10:41 AM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry!


Me, BW forty something, DD & DS,
Married to WH (49) 11 years, together 16
D-Day 6.8.13

Posts: 620 | Registered: Jun 2013
LosferWords
♂ 30369
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 10:48 AM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can only speak from personal experience... the first anniversary we had after d-day was very low key (dinner and a movie). It gave us some time to sit and enjoy a meal together and chat.

I think if it would have been anything way over the top, it would have just been too much to deal with from either of us.

I would say to go with your husband's cues as best as you can.

Good luck.


Why don't you just say it? I'm the worst toy-maker in the world. I'm a Cotton-Headed Ninnymuggins!

Posts: 8276 | Registered: Dec 2010
Kelany
♀ 34755
Member # 34755
Default  Posted: 10:55 AM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Before you do anything, ASK him if he wants to acknowledge the anniversary. For me, our anniversary was within 2 months of both DDays, each a year apart. There was no way in hell that I wanted to "celebrate" our anniversary after all that trauma. I didn't even want to acknowledge the day. I wasn't ready for it at all and I told my husband that.

Please ask him first because you're correct, it may be a big trigger for him.

Pictures for me are also a trigger. I look back and think, oh, during our youngest sons first birthday, you already began your first affair. During such and such Christmas you were wearing the watch your second AP gave you. In this picture I look so happy with you, but you were screwing so and so for over a year by this point.

Maybe a heartfelt letter would be better than pictures?


BS - Me
SA/FWH Him
DDay 1 - Jul 11
DDay 2 - Jul 12
R Dec 12

Former 80s Icon wishful thinking


Posts: 2031 | Registered: Feb 2012
babbs
♀ 40368
Member # 40368
Default  Posted: 11:13 AM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry deeply scared!!!

Posts: 50 | Registered: Aug 2013
circlingthedrain
♂ 25733
Member # 25733
Default  Posted: 12:52 PM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would suggest you ask your BH as well. I can imagine seeing a collage of pictures could serve as a major trigger if they occurred during the A. Early on a BS will tend to think that everything that happened during the A was a lie.


BH (me), 53
FWW (Her) 55
DD18, DS15
D-Day 12/23/2007
R going well

Wish I didn't know now what I didn't know then --- Bob Seger


Posts: 326 | Registered: Oct 2009 | From: East Coast
Undone1
♀ 37683
Member # 37683
Default  Posted: 4:13 PM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Don't do pictures...it will just trigger you BS. When I see pictures, I see my WH smiling and I think "what was he thinking about in that picture..probably not me!"

My WH took me for a bike ride and later we had dinner with friends so we would not be tempted to talk about the A. My goal was just to get thru the day!


Undone1
Married 10+ years to my high school sweetheart
DDAY 10/27/12
Me 55
WH 55
Blended Family: 25, 21, and 20
Married 10 years
"The Universe Unfolds as it Should"

Posts: 301 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Missouri
Topic Posts: 10

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