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babbs posted 8/21/2013 10:21 AM

I need your help! Our anniversary is in a little over a week. I told H that I wasnted us to acknowledge our anniversary during our family vacation. We'll likely just have wine after we put the babies down. I don't want to get him a traditional gift rather something more heartfelt. I thought about putting together a collage of pictures we've taken over the years with my thoughts next to each. I don't know if this will be a trigger so I don't want to upset him. I also considered putting a collage of places to go or see together in the future... IDK I haven't decided any help would be appreciated. TIA!

[This message edited by babbs at 10:22 AM, August 21st (Wednesday)]

babbs posted 8/21/2013 10:23 AM

I didn't mean to put a stop to BS posters! Still learning the site Please Post!

OldCow18 posted 8/21/2013 10:34 AM

I'm a BW responding as you said you didn't mean to put a stop sign...

Our 10 year anniversary was 6 weeks after d-day so it was a disaster, our counselor told us that we should share a meal but not consider it a "celebration" ... he tried to plan a dinner out but the babysitter bailed and I never heard about it again. I am so sad about that.

For me, a collage of memories would absolutely kill me, but I do love the idea of a collage of things you want for your future. I know that had he given me a gift it would have only been a reminder of the affair and not our anniversary. It's a tough situation for sure. Good luck, hopefully you'll get some great ideas.

Deeply Scared posted 8/21/2013 10:35 AM

BS's are not to reply on stop sign threads, please do not encourage them to break the site guidelines.

I will remove the stop sign, but please be more careful in the future.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 10:37 AM, August 21st (Wednesday)]

OldCow18 posted 8/21/2013 10:41 AM

Sorry!

LosferWords posted 8/21/2013 10:48 AM

I can only speak from personal experience... the first anniversary we had after d-day was very low key (dinner and a movie). It gave us some time to sit and enjoy a meal together and chat.

I think if it would have been anything way over the top, it would have just been too much to deal with from either of us.

I would say to go with your husband's cues as best as you can.

Good luck.

Kelany posted 8/21/2013 10:55 AM

Before you do anything, ASK him if he wants to acknowledge the anniversary. For me, our anniversary was within 2 months of both DDays, each a year apart. There was no way in hell that I wanted to "celebrate" our anniversary after all that trauma. I didn't even want to acknowledge the day. I wasn't ready for it at all and I told my husband that.

Please ask him first because you're correct, it may be a big trigger for him.

Pictures for me are also a trigger. I look back and think, oh, during our youngest sons first birthday, you already began your first affair. During such and such Christmas you were wearing the watch your second AP gave you. In this picture I look so happy with you, but you were screwing so and so for over a year by this point.

Maybe a heartfelt letter would be better than pictures?

babbs posted 8/21/2013 11:13 AM

Sorry deeply scared!!!

circlingthedrain posted 8/21/2013 12:52 PM

I would suggest you ask your BH as well. I can imagine seeing a collage of pictures could serve as a major trigger if they occurred during the A. Early on a BS will tend to think that everything that happened during the A was a lie.

Undone1 posted 8/21/2013 16:13 PM

Don't do pictures...it will just trigger you BS. When I see pictures, I see my WH smiling and I think "what was he thinking about in that picture..probably not me!"

My WH took me for a bike ride and later we had dinner with friends so we would not be tempted to talk about the A. My goal was just to get thru the day!