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Newest Member: ChumpInMP (46060)

User Topic: He says if I leave, he won't see our daughter anymore
sparklezombie
♀ 40095
Member # 40095
Default  Posted: 12:26 PM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So I told WH I'm leaving in October (once rental house is empty) because I caught him cheating again - online sites to find anon sexual encounters with other women while on business travel. This is far from the first DD.

He really doesn't want me to leave. Says he is sorry. Wants to work on it, etc. But then he says that if I leave we can't work on our marriage and if I leave - that it doesn't work like that. Also, if I leave he wants nothing to do with our one year old daughter. He won't even see her anymore. That doesn't sound like someone who is remorseful right? I'm not misreading things am I? It feels very threatening and he keeps saying that him not seeing the baby would be my choice because I'm choosing to move out. It's so stressful and I just can't wait for October, but then there is still that small part of me that wonders if leaving is the right thing. To be fair though, I think that part is getting smaller by the day.


BS: Me
WH: Husband
One daughter - 22 months
Married 11.5 years
2.5 false R's.
Status: Divorcing.
You can't pick up a turd by the clean end. Time to flush the toilet.

Posts: 253 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Somewhere on the Eastern Seaboard
Tred
♂ 34086
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 12:28 PM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sounds like he is trying to use your daughter as bait to guilt you into staying. I call bullshit.


Married: 17 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 4138 | Registered: Dec 2011
SadFlower
♀ 37725
Member # 37725
Default  Posted: 12:36 PM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

See a lawyer at once, if you have not already done so. That is a hideous threat. How low can you go, making a dear little one-year-old a pawn? I agree, that doesn't sound like remorse at all.

Even if he never sees her again--and he may be bluffing just to get you to stay--he will be on the hook for child support. Lawyer up!


Me: BW, age 66
Him: WH, age 64
Married 19 years
In R.

D-Day: August 14, 2012
9 year LTA with former co-worker and family "friend"/7 years EA+PA, 2 more years EA


Posts: 417 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Connecticut
confused615
♀ 30826
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 12:36 PM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So he cheats..over and over..and over again...and then tells you if you leave(a reasonable and expected response to being cheated on)...he will stop being a dad to his child?

OMG. That's blackmail. It's cruel..and abusive.

His being a father should have nothing to do with whether the marriage remains intact. he is her father,regardless.

Honestly? FTG.If this is how he is going to be..I would leave anyway. If that means your DD loses her dad..so be it..it was going to happen any way. I understand..you don't want that for her,of course. But if he is going to make a threat like this..he will make it again..and again,to keep you in line and tied to him.

This is not a man who is remorseful. This is an asshole who is using his child to manipulate you into staying.

Im a parent. there are NO circumstances possible that would ever..EVER...make me say something like that. I AM their mother. Being their mommy has nothing to do with WH.

Ugh. What a dickbag.


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciled.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 8098 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
krazy8516
♀ 40076
Member # 40076
Default  Posted: 12:41 PM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sparkle, this really was a shitty thing for him to do. Anyone who would say something like that doesn't deserve to be a parent anyway, IMO. And he doesn't deserve you. You have put up with his crap for too long.

I hope things get better for you, I really do. ::hugs::


me: BW, 30
him: WH, 25
us: edging closer to R every day

married 2y, together 2.5y
1 beautiful daughter, 23m

"Someday soon, I'm going to put my life together; Win or lose, I'm starting over again."


Posts: 368 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Texas
fourever
♀ 30631
Member # 30631
Default  Posted: 12:41 PM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You are misreading NOTHING!

Selfish Asshole! Show him the door as soon as you are back from the attorney.
How dare anyone threaten this, especially a self-serving, selfish, jerk who brought this on himself and you and your child.
Good riddance!

Why would anyone want to stay with that threat?

Sorry, I know this is strong, but wow, what a gut punch.
A little REALITY will go a long way with this one.


In R since shortly after DD.
Discovered what was right in front of him and nearly lost.

Always, tell the other BS! Always!

"It's hard to be in love when you can't tell lies"!


Posts: 908 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Northeast
nowiknow23
♀ 33226
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 12:48 PM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What an unbelievable jackass move.

(((((sparkle & DD)))))


You can call me NIK

"Keep your face always toward the sunshine - and shadows will fall behind you."
-Walt Whitman


Posts: 26547 | Registered: Aug 2011
StillGoing
♂ 28571
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 12:50 PM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

he keeps saying that him not seeing the baby would be my choice because I'm choosing to move out.

It's his choice not to fight tooth and nail to see his child as much as possible. Absolute dad fail right there. Not on you.


"You have insulted my footwear."

Posts: 7637 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
Take2
♀ 23890
Member # 23890
Default  Posted: 12:55 PM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Of all the f'ed up things I've read here - that is right up at the top of the list!!!

I know there are plenty of deadbeat dads here - but to actually tell you he will disappear from her life? I think I'd look at him and say: "No problem, I'll just find her a new Daddy then!" What an ass!!


"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell...So, If fear was not a factor - what would you do?

Posts: 4171 | Registered: May 2009 | From: New England
ButterflyGirl
♀ 38377
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 12:56 PM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My unremoreseful dickhead of a STBX said basically the same about our 2 sons. That if I leave, he's dropping out of their lives and moving. Said he wants to start a new life in Russia with his brother.

That was, till child support started being figured out. Now, all of the sudden the fucktard wants more time. Honestly, I wish the abusive asshole would just leave. Fuck the money, fuck the support, just get the hell away from my kids with your abusive antics and bullying and manipulation.

I would tell a lawyer right away. I would try to get him to say it again in a text message or email so you have proof. This is manipulation at its finest, and you should get the hell away from him. Children should NEVER be used as pawns like this..

FTG!


xBW~ 35
Two DS~ 7-Eleven
"I've wiped the shit off. It can be wiped off you know." ~ asurvivor

Posts: 2725 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
standingonmarble
♀ 31217
Member # 31217
Default  Posted: 12:57 PM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He sounds desperate to maintain status quo in his life.

Such a hard lesson for these types to learn; control is just a fantasy.


At one time he was a man standing on marbles. Now I am a woman standing on marble.....

We are done fighting with each other and decide to fight FOR each other.


Posts: 739 | Registered: Feb 2011
lynnm1947
♀ 15300
Member # 15300
Default  Posted: 12:58 PM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, isn't he the good dad? (Disgusted.)On the other hand, given his behaviour, perhaps not seeing the baby would be a good thing.

I think he is just trying to control you. I'm sorry he's being such an asshat.


Age: 64..ummmmmmm, no...............65....no...oh, hell born in 1947. You figure it out!

"I could have missed the pain, but I would have had to miss the dance." Garth Brooks


Posts: 7524 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Toronto, Canada
Pass
♂ 38122
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 1:02 PM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He's an arse. If you leave, he gets to make the decision to act like a dad or not. Don't let him push that shit on you.


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after 17 year marriage, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 2157 | Registered: Jan 2013
HurtButHopeful?
♀ 25144
Member # 25144
Default  Posted: 1:06 PM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Like someone else said, I'd get Mr. sparklezombie to say it in an email, or text, etc. Then when you go to court for custody, child support, etc. they can see what his plans are.

Wow. His love for his baby is really conditional. No matter what my FWH did it would not decrease my desire to be with my children...it would increase it.

Mr. sparklezombie is some piece of work....

Even if he L his baby, but is saying that to manipulate you into saying, he is still messed up in his head.


Reconciliation means that we both are authentic and vulnerable. I still have my H, and he's a better man than ever!

Posts: 1716 | Registered: Aug 2009
jjsr
♀ 34353
Member # 34353
Default  Posted: 1:10 PM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Gently, but it sounds to me like you and your child would have a better life if either of you didn't see him.


Me: BS
Him: WS
Married since 1985
Parents to 2 adult sons and 3 of the cutest cats you have ever seen
D-day 8/6/11 Truth about ONS and 9/21/11 Truth about EA
Trying to reconcile

Posts: 1668 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: midwest now.
sparklezombie
♀ 40095
Member # 40095
Default  Posted: 1:31 PM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Gently, but it sounds to me like you and your child would have a better life if either of you didn't see him

Yes, I think so too sometimes. It's hard because we've been together so long (17 years) and I feel like this is normal or that I deserve it, even though the rational part of my brain says otherwise. I see my IC again today. She has said that he's emotionally abusive and after hearing him yell this stuff at me this morning I would have to agree. I hope he comes around, but I don't have much hope. I also hate the he blames me and says all of this is my fault.


BS: Me
WH: Husband
One daughter - 22 months
Married 11.5 years
2.5 false R's.
Status: Divorcing.
You can't pick up a turd by the clean end. Time to flush the toilet.

Posts: 253 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Somewhere on the Eastern Seaboard
JanaGreen
♀ 29341
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 1:39 PM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If he really means it, he's a shit father anyway and having him around is probably NOT going to be beneficial to your daughter.

What an asshole. That makes me INCREDIBLY angry. How could someone walk away from a precious one-year-old baby?


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 5-year-old daughter. Baby Green 2.0 expected June 2015!!!!!!!!!

Posts: 6972 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
AStar
♀ 39971
Member # 39971
Default  Posted: 1:41 PM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow sparklezombie, your H is a piece of work. Your precious child is not a bargaining chip, or to be used to emotionally blackmail you.
He must choose to fully commit to you or leaving in October is the right thing to do for your own well being. Hugs to you and your daughter.


Me BS (41)
Him WH (45). EA and possible PA (denied)
D Day 7/21/2013
M 8 years - filing for D

**The cruelest lies are often told in silence- Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 115 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: New Zealand
sadtoo
♀ 2027
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 1:48 PM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He is a controlling, manipulative, abusive, JACKASS.

You and your daughter will be better off without him. Stop talking to him and move. Call a lawyer. Make sure he/she is a SHARK. Have him/her do the talking for you.

I hope someday you meet a wonderful man who will be a kind and loving husband to you and a loving and nurturing father to your daughter.


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 8040 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
sparklezombie
♀ 40095
Member # 40095
Default  Posted: 6:13 PM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Now tonight he says I can leave but that I'm not taking my daughter with me. I guess he figured out that blackmailing by telling me he wouldn't see her wasn't going to work and now he says she can't come live with me. That's crap. She goes where I go and I'm tired of his crap.

And I do have a good lawyer. I'm actually a lawyer although I don't litigate. But I have a good friend who does domestic relations and is representing me. She doesn't take any crap from anyone. I just can't believe he would now say he's going to fight or custody.


BS: Me
WH: Husband
One daughter - 22 months
Married 11.5 years
2.5 false R's.
Status: Divorcing.
You can't pick up a turd by the clean end. Time to flush the toilet.

Posts: 253 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Somewhere on the Eastern Seaboard
Topic Posts: 31
Pages: 1 · 2

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