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Yakamishi (original poster member #38230) posted at 6:36 PM on Wednesday, August 21st, 2013
What would you consider "work" when you ask your WS to do the work necessary to reconcile?
Me: BH
Her: WW Mrs.yaka
Kids:4
Variouse clues to EA. WW promised it would stop.
D-Day of EA 9/13/2012 2:01PM found 2 yrs of text messages, confessed to EA
D-Day of PA: confessed on 9/22/12 11:53 PM. Worst moment of my life
Kelany ( member #34755) posted at 6:41 PM on Wednesday, August 21st, 2013
For us it was:
NC immediately
IC
MC
him going to SA meetings
answering my questions truthfully.
Timeline
Reading a few books
COMMUNICATING
Helping me heal by giving me comfort, talking when I needed to talk, giving empathy, allowing me to vent or cry or even be angry without getting defensive.
BS - Me
SA/FWH Him
DDay 1 - Jul 11
DDay 2 - Jul 12
R Dec 12
Former 80s Icon wishful thinking
LosferWords ( member #30369) posted at 3:11 PM on Thursday, August 22nd, 2013
Luckily my wife was able to figure out most of this on her own, with a few cues from me. The work she did that helped me the most was:
NC, including working towards "mental NC"
Written timeline
Digging for the "Why", which included:
- IC
- Reading books, including highlights/annotations
- Exploring FOO issues
Listening to me
Practicing empathy toward me
Helping me reclaim dates/locations/acts of intimacy
Transparency with email/facebook/phone/etc.
Supporting me with my mental needs (SI, IC, ADs)
Hope this helps.
PrincessPeach06 ( member #39588) posted at 3:17 PM on Thursday, August 22nd, 2013
WS did the "common sense" stuff right away on his own (NC, counseling, addressing FOO issues) but did not read any books. Finally after a big fight I told him I was done asking and begging him to read and figure out how to help me, that he needed to desire to do that on his own.
I explained that if the doctor told him he had cancer *I* would read every book and research everything I could to find out how to help him feel better and get through it. I said this is not a whole lot different - maybe there is no cure but I want to see him want to help me no matter what it takes because he wants to.
He immediately started reading and hasn't stopped. It has started making a huge difference!!
Me (BS): 36
Him aka narcissistic psychopath (WS): 36
Married 17 years 6 kids ages 16-7
DDay #1 (EA) July '08
DDay #2 (EA/ONS- different OW) May 15, 2013
Finally this is R 8/14/13
Filed for divorce 5/8/15
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