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Turning it around on the left spouse

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mof2 posted 8/21/2013 13:38 PM

I have just come upon an issue with my soon to be ex H. I was told that he posted something on facebook that insinuated that I cheated on HIM. For the record, NEVER did I cheat on him or would have. I loved that man with every fiber of my being. Has this happened to anybody else? With all the pain he caused me, how in the world could he do something like that????

osxgirl posted 8/21/2013 13:59 PM

While my X never posted anything in public like this, he did say at one point that he thought maybe I was cheating on him. I really let him have it on that one.

The only thing I know to tell you is this: I believe it is a combination of two things. First of all, projection. They figure if they are doing it, everyone else must be too. In fact, my X told me a number of times through our S and D that lots of people cheat, and that I would be surprised to know some of the people we knew who cheated. As if that makes it all ok.

The other part is guilt deflection. If the WS can believe that the BS cheated too, then the WS doesn't have to feel nearly so guilty about it, right? Sigh.

Phoenix1 posted 8/21/2013 14:50 PM

Fucktwit accused me of this as well (nothing publicly), which he knew good and well was a false accusation. That is just another bullshit way for them to try to justify their own sick, disgusting actions, i.e., "you did it to me so I had every right to do what I did."

soveryweary posted 8/21/2013 15:04 PM

mof2, I have no idea why they do it.
Mine always says things to allude to me going to cheat whenever I go out.
He's just grasping at straws, trying to make you look like the cheater.

Pass posted 8/21/2013 15:12 PM

The Princess spent our entire marriage doing a version of this. She never accused me of cheating, but always ("jokingly") "reminded" me that I wasn't allowed to cheat: "You know, while I'm away, you're not allowed to let X (neighbour) suck your cock."

It looks like she needed some reminders as well.

trebleclef posted 8/21/2013 15:46 PM

Me too. Just recently our adult daughter was talking to a new acquaintance who happened to be the same line of business and as WH and knew both WH and his partner. Apparently WH's partner had told this man that I was the one who cheated. Fortunately my DD defended me with gusto and set the record straight in no uncertain terms, but I was livid.
A) either this is what WH told his partner
B) partner made this up

As luck would have it, I accidentally ran into the partner not long after and confronted him. He denied he ever said any such thing and was very offended that I would think he was capable of that. I dunno - someone's lying and I'm not sure I see a motive for the stranger to!

I think it came from WH - and I assume it's part of the whole rewrite history to make yourself look/feel better thing. Infuriating.

damncutekitty posted 8/21/2013 15:52 PM

I found out last summer that my XH denies ever being married to me and tries to pretend our 10 year relationship never happened.

I figure it's fair because I try to pretend he doesn't exist.

nowiknow23 posted 8/21/2013 15:56 PM

Wasband accused me for years. Actually, decades. Before dday, I assumed it was due to his low self-esteem. I'm now convinced that he assumed everyone had the same wayward thought processes he did, so of course I cheated - everyone does.

Vulcanized posted 8/21/2013 16:30 PM

XH walked around telling anybody who'd listen that I cheated on him. Followed by ... this is my friend, who's helping me get over being cheated on. Fortunately, that move just outed him as the cheating SOB that he really is.

He only accused me the last year. Which was odd, considering he was NEVER faithful.

mof2 posted 8/21/2013 16:49 PM

These people are truly crazy. I confronted him about it in an email and he said "no, I would never do that" (He also said he would never cheat on me). We then got into talking about our marriage ending and he said the last few months he lost just "fizzled" for him, but that he did love me unconditionally. Really, then why did you leave? An affair will definitely make your feelings for your spouse "fizzle". Nut job!

fraeuken posted 8/22/2013 12:31 PM

Same here. I was accused privately and he also told my in laws and select friends. I never did and was really hurt by that. There is nothing you can do about it really, but it hurts.

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