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Input needed. ow screwing another MM should I tell his wife?

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homewrecked2011 posted 8/21/2013 15:57 PM

2 years ago the OW was my friend. She is now with my XWH, living together but keeping it kinda hush hush, 2 years ago she told several of us that she was screwing a guy, let's say his name is Joe. I thought Joe was single. I recently learned from a trusted source that she never stopped screwing "Joe" and that "joe" is married! I looked it up on facebook. Yep, Joe is married has 2 daughters and get this his son in 2 of the same CLASSES as my 8th grade son. Yep, same class,same period, same teacher, etc.

My question to the tribe: I will have $$$ around Nov and could hire a PI and show "Joe's" wife that Ow is sleeping with her H.

But for now I have no proof. Do I have a trusted friend tell the unsuspecting wife? Or me? or no one?

Thoughts please. BTW OW is still with my XWH!

[This message edited by homewrecked2011 at 4:25 PM, August 21st (Wednesday)]

ajsmom posted 8/21/2013 16:07 PM

Let it go.

Spend your money elsewhere.

WAY too much drama here.


GabyBaby posted 8/21/2013 16:13 PM

I wouldn't bother spending MY money to prove that someone outside my marriage is sleeping with someone else outside my marriage.

I agree with Ajsmom. Stay out of it.

homewrecked2011 posted 8/21/2013 16:23 PM

I can't afford PI now, but should I talk to the wife and tell her what I have been told? I have no proof, just heresay. BTW OW also told a couple of other people.

ajsmom posted 8/21/2013 16:41 PM

You seemed determined, but for the life of me I don't understand why you'd want to entrench yourself in this.

Not your problem.

Not your mess.

homewrecked2011 posted 8/21/2013 16:49 PM

Well, OW told several people she was screwing my H a year before anyone told me. I wonder if I would have believed them. I wonder if this BS already has an idea.

OW is a serial cheater -- I live in a small town, I guess I am going to hear more stories of her and Other Men. My XWH is stupid, he doesnt know she's done several OM in this town prior to him.

Do I just let it go or tell the BS?

Remember, this is the OW whose first H shot and killed the OM and himself...didnt stop her behavior at all.

[This message edited by homewrecked2011 at 4:50 PM, August 21st (Wednesday)]

ajsmom posted 8/21/2013 16:51 PM

My thoughts?

Just. Let. It. Go.

Jennifer99 posted 8/21/2013 16:53 PM

Me the crazy lady says find a way to let her know. Spend $... NO.

Nature_Girl posted 8/21/2013 16:55 PM

I'd not spend any money, but would try to find a way to let her know anonymously.

ButterflyGirl posted 8/21/2013 17:23 PM

I'd not spend any money, but would try to find a way to let her know anonymously.

These are my thoughts too.. I've always been determined to let someone know if they are being used and taken advantage of.. Not sure how to tell her or prove it to her, but you don't want to get too involved and let it go after you give her the heads up somehow.. I would have appreciated that from anyone that might have known.. At least give me a heads up somehow to do some digging.. But at the end of the day, I would focus on you and drop all that crazy drama. I certainly wouldn't want to invite it in my life, so anonymously seems best..

Good luck..

ETA- And good luck finding new friends. You certainly picked a skanky one there. What a slut..

[This message edited by ButterflyGirl at 5:24 PM, August 21st (Wednesday)]

peridot posted 8/21/2013 17:29 PM

I would find a way to tell her without letting her know it's you. I would not spend any money. Several people knew my ex had been cheating on me and never said a word. I wish they had told me.

seriouslylostit posted 8/24/2013 01:58 AM

Spend a little money on spooftel ... Call MM's house with OW number in caller ID ... Hang up when answered and repeat and repeat


Call your X using MMs number in caller ID ... Repeat and repeat

After a couple of days of that some or other shit is gonna blow up

BrighterFuture posted 8/24/2013 03:54 AM

Let her know empathetically and anonymously. Also give her investigative tips anonymously as well at the same time when you inform her. Don't spend your time or money after that. What she decides to do with that information that you provide is upto her.

[This message edited by VeryHurtbroken at 3:55 AM, August 24th (Saturday)]

osxgirl posted 8/24/2013 08:59 AM

I'm of the opinion that though it would be nice to know earlier, most of the time, no one thanks the messenger - and often, they won't believe you either.

So, definitely don't bother spending any of your own money for proof. It would just be a waste, and why spend your money on it?

As far as letting her know, though.... there's a good chance she won't believe you, and also a good chance that if it upsets anything with the OW, she will make life he!! for your X until he makes life miserable for you.

Honestly, what I would probably do is try to find her e-mail address, and if you can find it, set up a dummy e-mail account with yahoo or google or something. Then, send her an e-mail that just says she may want to check out this site (surviving infidelity). That should be enough to make her start questioning things with her WH so that she can find out on her own.

Whalers11 posted 8/24/2013 09:32 AM

I would send an anonymous letter. That's all.

debbysbaby posted 8/24/2013 10:28 AM

I'm of the opinion that though it would be nice to know earlier, most of the time, no one thanks the messenger - and often, they won't believe you either.

This is been my experience as well when I thought I was helping someone out. Except, I also became one of the bad guys in their eyes. Now, I feel bad for them when I find out someone is being played but I wouldn't get involved unless it was my sister or child being betrayed.

homewrecked2011 posted 8/29/2013 05:53 AM


With Spooftel you can CHOOSE the number you want to show up in caller id? OMG I thought it was only a random number that would show up!!!! I am going to have to do this for other reasons.

lieshurt posted 8/29/2013 08:15 AM

I'd not spend any money, but would try to find a way to let her know anonymously.

This is what I'd do.

Ashland13 posted 8/29/2013 08:20 AM

I wouldn't spend the money, but would let her know.

Not getting overly personally involved yourself seems wise and I can understand your feelings about her and what she's doing.

The truth is a gift of life.

Mousse242 posted 8/29/2013 12:09 PM

I would not spend the money but I would let her know what you have heard. Make sure you tell her that it is just that, what you heard, cite sources if you can, tell her of the OW's past with MM and let it go from there.

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