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stupidgurl posted 8/21/2013 16:29 PM

How does everyone feel about a baby post-A?

It has been almost six years since A. I have been working hard on myself, my H has made it clear we are going to stay together. I am committed to the relationship 200%. I have been faithful since, no slip ups or inappropriate behavior at all. We have 2 already, but want 4.

What do you guys think? Is it a good idea? I am 31 and do not want to have any past 35. The window is shrinking by the day, it is now or never!!

We both have agreed to more finally. Has any of you had a child post-A? How has that worked out? Are you both able to love and care for the child properly, or does it strain the already fragile relationship?

1Faith posted 8/21/2013 16:50 PM

IMO, that is up to you and your husband.

If you both want another child and are committed to your marriage and your family then I don't see why not. It is your decision what is right for you and your family.

does it strain the already fragile relationship?

Would you still classify your relationship as strained?

A baby certainly won't solidify a strained relationship. Sleepless nights, feedings, extra expenses, etc.

I have been faithful since, no slip ups or inappropriate behavior at all.

Must comment: An affair isn't a slip up. It is a conscious decision to cheat, lie and betray your spouse.

A slip up is stepping on someone's toe. Or eating an extra piece of cake.

Your comment makes me pause as if you are even surprised this hasn't occurred. ???

A remorseful spouse knows without a ounce of doubt they will NEVER cheat again because they own the behavior and never want to repeat the pain and despair their horrid decisions have caused.

pewpewpew posted 8/21/2013 16:57 PM

^^^ ditto.

I too want another, of course.
I'm also very conflicted. My WH cheated while I was pregnant so I'm thinking I will trigger hard during my pregnancy.

I am just 1 year out - I'm thinking of waiting another year to make sure that's safe.

stupidgurl posted 8/21/2013 17:25 PM

Hi guys, yes I did trivialize "slip ups" I mean like flirtations, checking out guys, or looking up OM. I have not looked back, nor do I look around. By slip up I did not mean sleeping with anyone, or even getting inappropriate with them.

I do get what your saying pew, my H's EA was during my 2nd pregnancy, I did not think that maybe I would be the one to trigger? I felt so fat and unattractive, I think that is why I was so forgiving of his behavior. I look back now and dang I was beautiful all glowing and happy smiling with my dimples showing.

Anyways, if we are in an ok place then I guess it will be ok. I will talk to him about it when he gets back from his trip.

Thanks!

FR2012 posted 8/27/2013 23:37 PM

Another baby was something we had been talking about before my A. We wanted to add to our family. But then after my husband found out about my A we wanted to wait so we could figure everything out and so we could heal the damage I had done to us.

I ended up getting pregnant about 3 months after D-Day. We didn't know until I was about 2 months pregnant. So at the time we found out we were almost 5 months out from D-Day.

I had our baby at the end of April this year. Honestly, it was hard because that close to D-Day we weren't sure about another baby. We weren't sure how things were going to be between us.

Are you both able to love and care for the child properly

Yes, we are still able to love and care for our kids properly. We had our kids out of love. So we aren't going to let anything come in the way of how we care for our kids. Even when we are having a disagreement we still parent our kids together.

Ever since having our son though, things have been good. We have been able to parent him and our daughter the same. We talk about how to raise our kids together.

Now I wish that we would have waited to have another baby. But nonetheless, he is here and it is good. There have been days that things are not so good, my husband having bad days because of what I did. But we are working on things. Having a baby hasn't really hindered on our healing.

You just need to talk about it with your husband and figure out when the time is right.