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DD16 needs to have oral surgery. We don't have any formal orders in place yet so I sent him a text telling him if he could send anything to help out I would appreciate it (never expect or count on it). He said he might be able to help and needed DD16 SSN. To which I asked if that meant he got a job with benefits (the only reason he would need her SSN). I felt pretty sure he did already, but I wanted to see if he would confirm it. He confirmed it (which I now have in writing). He then said he could cover DD22 as well but also needed her info. I told him that because DD22 was an adult it would be her decision and he needed to ask her directly. Then I made the statement that I hoped this meant he would actually start to help support DD16 now instead of leaving it all to me (I don't count on his support or need it, but it would be nice to have him accept responsibility for his parental obligations toward his child). His response: "Are you going to be nice during this process? Since no one talks to me, you ask her (meaning DD22). I tried before with negative results. I am trying."

Okay, so some of the responses I would LIKE to send include:

* You are asking me to be nice after I just find out about your year old secret OC? Yeah, that'll happen.

* No worries. I will be placing your feelings in the same priority as you had for mine while you stabbed me in the back repeatedly for 20 years.

* The kids aren't talking to you? Really? Could that possibly be because they are absolutely disgusted with your behavior as much as I am?

* Could the kids' response possibly have something to do with the fact that you have abandoned them physically, emotionally, and financially because you couldn't keep your dick in your pants?

* Get used to being treated like a worthless pariah, asshole. That is the consequence for putting your family behind your own selfish needs all these years.

Oh, I could go on! I SO want to rip into him like a monkey on a cupcake, but I am exhibiting total restraint and giving him crickets. It is SO hard!!! The signed dissolution papers should be here in the next day or so, and having to be nice until I see them signed off in full and file with the court is absolutely killing me!

Wait, he's paying ZERO cs? No, no, no! You need an order for cs. Do you have an attorney? If not, get one ASAP!

Wait, he's paying ZERO cs?

I know what you are saying Ark, but it is a LONG story and he has been unemployed for over a year (until now). He won't be skipping off into the sunset without paying, trust me!

I SO want to rip into him like a monkey on a cupcake,

Thanks for that. I needed it today.

Hang in there sweetie. You're doing just fine.

What is it about the clarity that 16 year olds seem to possess? They can't figure out how to load the dishwasher, but they can figure out when someone's been an asshole to them. And it's even sadder when the asshole can't seem to figure out the devastation in his/her child's eyes is a direct result of their shitty actions.

Sorry your x is an ass.

T/j

Wow LadyQ you are so right. Same thing at my house.