I have called him over 50 times, same with text. I can't seem to stop cause the pain won't stop. I keep asking for the same thing - the truth. He really led me to believe that this time was going to be different. I'm barely eating, every time I sleep I dream of him. I don't want to go outside, it hurts.
Ive told him to simply tell me the truth and I will let go. He refuses to. He knows that if he admits to having someone else I will leave for good, he won't have his side dish anymore. I try so hard not to contact him but fail. He's told me before that it doesn't matter, even if I stop contacting him he'll always know where to reach me - He knows where I live, of course. I've run through a list who might be of help for me to move.... Nothing. They can't help. I have No one to talk to, not a single friend who can really lend an ear. Whenever I set my mind on not calling/texting I'm reminded of the fact that he can look for me if he wants to. As long as I'm here I'll never get away. The anxiety kicks in, the crying starts, the feeling of hopelessness and feeling trapped. Feeling like I'm destined to live like this. Trusting him, getting cheated on, bumping into him, him reeling me back in and telling me that I'all never be able to hide. No one to talk. My own daughter doesn't motivate me anymore. I just simply don't want to feel anymore.
I wish I had someone to guide me step by step. I don't know how to get out this hole. I need counseling but something is always happening with my insurance or job schedule. Now I'm starting school. I'm going to try scheduling again.
If anyone is willing to talk to me and help me, guide me out this hole... please, help me out. I hate feeling like this. I don't know who else to turn to.
I have no words of wisdom, but wanted to let you know that you have been heard.
Again, read, read and then read some more you will gain invaluable information.
You've begged him to tell you the truth but he won't. You know the truth already. Use that right now. There is little to no chance of him ending things with 'her' if he knows you are waiting around for him, pining for him. He knows he can take his time, and when he is ready to come back (in his own good time) he knows you will be there with open arms. Take that away from him, and REALLY consider why you would want to take him back after treating you so badly, much less walking out on his 1yr old daughter. He knows the pain he is causing you, yet he continues to hurt you so blatantly. Losing someone you love is hard, but being in the hellish limbo you are in now is so much worse. The difference is, you eventually get over losing someone, you heal and move on. With limbo there is no healing, just constant pain.
He is manipulating you by telling you that even if you stop contacting him he will reach you.
It's easier said than done, but please try to stop contacting him, at least for now. It doesn't mean you will never talk to him again, but for now give yourself time to process what has happened. I can tell you this too, I have no idea why you would take him back unless he has a personality transplant, but if that is indeed what you want, the quickest way to make that happen is to disappear, stop contacting him, lay low. He will wonder where the hell you went. Right now, he is getting a huge kick out of seeing your missed calls and texts, what an ego stroke for him.
Have a look at the 180 here and implement it as soon as possible. It isn't meant to be used to get them back, (although it can wake them up) it is used to help you detach and that is exactly what you need to do right now.
If you can't eat be sure to drink plenty of fluids, sips of water, milk. Think about seeing a doctor for something to help you sleep and maybe also anti depressants/anxiety meds.
And also very important, keep reading and posting here for support as much as you need to.
You can and will get through this one way or another.
[This message edited by HURTAGAIN1981 at 7:46 PM, August 21st (Wednesday)]
I wish I had someone to guide me step by step. I don't know how to get out this hole.
Your wish is granted....You have us! I am not joking. SI has helped thousands of folks in the exact situation you find yourself.
How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.
So, you need to think of the first bite. I see here lots of times, suggestions for self-care. You have been dealt a critical emotional injury. If this were a physical injury you would be in ICU!!
What can you do today, to give yourself TLC? eating well, sleeping, Anti-depressants, laughing, small things that bring you joy.
Keep posting...we have your back now.
I ate a little, mostly crackers and sliced ham Took DD to the park for a bit... It took a lot of crying for me to be able to feel " OK enough" to make it outside. Watched " House of Cards" TV seems to be the only thing that helps take my mind off EX. Works does the same thing.
I just wish I had more self control. Something to help me not text/call him. I already changed my number and ended up giving it to him... Can't change it again ( I signed up for school and this is the only number they have )
I also wish I had time for myself. I don't really know how to socialize anymore. I feel like I only know how to be a Mom. I wish I had time to go to Bookstores, stores and Museums on my own. Its like I've lost ME.
You sister need more than couseling, you need Council. Go see a D attorney. Not in a few week, not when you get time. Pick up the damn phone, google D attorney's in your area, and pick three. Make appointments for all 3. He is manipulating you. Don't let him.
You are a capable woman. You can do this.
If you can't sleep, and can't eat call your Dr. If you don't have a Dr go to a walk in clinic. You need something to at the minimum help you deal with your anxiety. You are finding yourself in a deep pit with no escape, but if you calm down, and really look around you will find there are all kinds of thing that you can do to get out of that pit.
The first thing you can do by seeing an attorney is creating a parenting plan, where he has to be responsible for his child and give you a chance to do the things you need to do to stay sane, and strong.
I'm not sure why you feel the need to go to school right now with all of this turmoil. If you are able to escape from your reality by doing it great, but if it's just another stressor, then let the school know the personal issues, and drop the classes, for a semester to get your life organized and on track.