SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

Monday WW and I were having a phone conversation regarding expenses when she broke down crying stating "I cant do this anymore".
I answered her with "just come home". She said what? I broke down crying and told her "I just want you to come home". She replied "I can't". I told she could, but I understand.

All I want is my family back. Even with ALL she's done, I still love her and miss her.

F#ck this really sucks.

[This message edited by jimbo25319 at 7:25 PM, August 21st (Wednesday)]

This breaks my heart for you. (((jimbo25319)))

((Jimbo)). I'm sorry.

My wxh came back, but it wasn't the same. Everything had changed. There was no trust, no joy, and no emotional security. There was no way to get it back.

I didn't feel safe with him. That's the hardest realization - the one that what you had was gone, and can not come back.

(((jimbo25319))) So sorry for your hurt.

My WH moved out 6 months ago. We seem to be doing well, yet he's "extended" that move back date several times.

It was my DS15 who broke down sobbing the other night, saying "I don't know what's going on! It seems like things are better, but nothing changes." Broke my heart to see him venting my same struggles. It kills me what this has done to our kids. Bad enough the devastation to me.

All I want is my family back. Even with ALL she's done, I still love her and miss her.

^^^ I totally get it. Sigh.

more (((jimbo25319)))

Even though she's technically moved, 3/4 of her clothes are still here. 3 chests and a closet full of her clothes remain. She was supposed to get this earlier this week, but couldn't because of "the weather". She has taken a lot of stuff. Hell, the other day the TV remote died and when I went to get some batteries, gone. Heck, you take all the batteries, but not your clothes?

(((jimbo25319)))

I so wanted my stbx to "just come home" for the longest time. I understand about wanting your family back. It does suck.

Now I have begun to remember the bad parts and how depressive and remote my stbx often was. My DD and I usually have a pretty good time. and while parenting is hard alone at least I don't have to deal with stbx's negativity as well as a 9 year old's testing. I am beginning to think maybe I dodged a bullet.

Oh well isn't that just a fun experience? Going to the spot where you KNOW that you left something and finding it gone?

Get some boxes, dump her shit in them, and tell her to come and get them. Her excuse for not coming to get her clothes is total bullshit. How is the *weather* going to keep her from coming into an enclosed space to gather up her shit? It's not like she had to dis-assemble a playset.....

Keep your own emotions close to your chest, Jimbo, 'cuz I get the feeling that your WW is jerking you around.....

I totally understand this. I want my wife back, even though she never moved out....

Whoever comes back wont be the same person.

My wife is gone forever. I have to decide if there is a future with this new person.

http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/faq_bs.asp#FAQ11

Read it, over and over and over. You are losing yourself in this process. It's for you! I don't want to delude you and give you the hope that she will suddenly snap out of her fog when you implement it. It's not designed for that. It gives you yourself back. Better, stronger and more able to deal with this.

Brother, she's totally got you accepting being her plan B. One second she's cold and uninterested, the next she's scared and can't do this anymore. I would bet that she and the OM had an issue shortly before she called you and she needed to re-ascertain that her soft landing is still in place.

I know you're hurting. All the yanking around she's doing is merely driving the knife deeper. Please, if for nothing else, protect your son.

Strength and prayers

If she comes back, it should be because she groveled at your feet and BEGGED to come back.

You deserve better.

Your old marriage is gone. You can't magically make it reappear. You would be building something new. And right now you have a possible partner telling you "no." Box her stuff up and put it in the garage or outside for her. You need space to heal. I know what your heart is thinking, but your head needs to catch up to the reality of the situation. No more sharing your emotions with her. She hasn't earned them and definitely doesn't deserve them.

Hugs..

[This message edited by ButterflyGirl at 7:53 AM, August 22nd (Thursday)]

(((((Jimbo))))

I know it's hard and you miss her but she is not the same person anymore and neither are you.

She should be on her hands and knees begging to come back for you to consider R.

I understand that you miss her. I miss my ex sometimes but I remind myself that the person I loved died when he decided to have an A and put that above me and my children.

I would ask that she gets all get stuff out of your house asap. It will make you feel stronger not having to see her stuff everyday.

You will get stronger and you will heal, and most of all you WILL be ok.

Monday...she broke down crying stating "I cant do this anymore".

My suggested answer...

"You have to do this. This is what you chose. So either do it or fix it."

It sounds more like she does not like dealing with the consequences of her actions. She does not want to face the responsibility associated with those actions. She wants to "be on her own" while having you take care of things for her at the same time.

I would limit any contact and not have what contact you do maintain be through the phone. Emails and texts only. You need a record.

Get her stuff out of the house and get the locks changed. Your home needs to be a safe place for you to heal.

Heck, you take all the batteries, but not your clothes?

Jimbo, sorry you are hurting mate. I understand missing the person you thought you had. But when I read this, my first thought was she needed the batteries for "toys". Detaching has got to be hard, but it sounds like you need it.

I know you gals and guys are right. I'm grasping for straws that aren't there.

I've told her many times that she chose this path. It's really hard to detach. Last month, my only focus was getting her out of the house. But I NEVER expected her to move in with him.

I understand, jimbo.

All that "strength" you had to get her out of the house was really a focus. And now that she is gone, all you want is to have her back.

Keep detaching, friend. The more emotional distance, the stronger that you will become. And maybe---just maybe---she will realize her errors. But that is for her to work out. You need to focus on you.

Remember, you are leaving the door of the marriage open for her currently, but that door is slowly closing. If she comes around, great, but you have to move forward from this point that you are in. Take the advice of Brandon, and STATE to her:

"You have to do this. This is what you chose. So either do it or fix it."

Oh Jimbo I have been there.

I let my wh come home because it was all too hard. I just wanted my old life back. He just used the FR time to real in another piece of crap OW. And the hurt just began again for the next DDay.

Gently the wife you once new is gone forever. She will never be the same person she used to be.

It's hard to detach. I'm sorry you are hurting. Take care of yourself.