I find the act disgusting, not the person. I was simply commenting that I would be unable to live with myself if I stepped out of the marriage. I know (based on my reaction to bad things I've done in my past) that I would have nightmare about it for years and my subconcous would wage total war on my mind. This is also a reason that I have a hard time understanding how hardened criminals can seem so remorseless of their grevious deeds.
This has been on my mind since. How do they do it? How do people ever really overcome the bad choices that they've made? No matter what I do, I slammed over and over with bone deep pain from what I've done. I think if I didn't have kids I would just end the torment. I'm also at a loss as to how my parents go on about their life, showing no remorse for being shitty parents...do they even know? Is that the trick? To live in denial? The man who molested me...I know he has a daughter now, does he lay awake at night crying his eyes out for the damage he's inflicted? I feel like I'll never be free from the past.
You worry you will never be free from the past. I don't think it's about being from from it. I think it's about becoming stronger so the weight of it is no longer a burden. All of us have done things we regret in way or another. Things we could have done better. Things we did very badly to ourselves or to others. Life goes on. Disregarding the past does not free you from it because everything is connected. Your parents do not (or cannot) show no remorse for being bad parents, but it affects you and the way you relate to them. That is not the easy way out because there is nothing "easy" about it. It's harder on everyone.
Keep at it. You will be glad you did.
The man who molested me...I know he has a daughter now, does he lay awake at night crying his eyes out for the damage he's inflicted?
Did you report him? Dear God, if not please do. They don't stop. I know this so first hand. They do not stop unless very drastic measures are taken and even then it's rare.
We overcome bad choices by making consistent good ones. Patterns build. Remorse and shame do not cohabitate well together. Shame is very narcissitic, actually. Recognizing, fixing, moving forward. That's remorse. The rest is sick mental masturbation.
'til the roof comes off. 'til the lights go out. 'til my legs give out, can't shut my mouth
Shame is very narcissitic, actually. Recognizing, fixing, moving forward. That's remorse. The rest is sick mental masturbation.
Thank you for saying this. It's something that's been on my mind when rational thought gets it's time in the sun. I know I have to stop dwelling in the pain. I guess I also kind of feel like
Recognizing, fixing, moving forward.
it didn't stop my BH from wanting out last summer, so I feel like the work I've done isn't enough, nor will it ever be.
I'm also at a loss as to how my parents go on about their life, showing no remorse for being shitty parents...do they even know? Is that the trick? To live in denial?
Realized that a whole lot of my issues comes from childhood and how my parents took their shit out on me, parental karma which passes down to the next generation. We have to be the ones that break that cycle and hoping our kids dont get the same. My BS already said that our little one has started to receive this and I can see it started how our parents did, need to change that.
I feel like I'll never be free from the past.
I can agree on that, I also feel the same that my past will always be here and from this A, it will always be here. The way I feel that we can is to finally forgive ourselves and parents and then become better, easier said than done but I feel like its the best way to do it.