Me BS 42 Him WS 44
and then my IC really helped tie it together in a neat bow today.
Basically, when I started IC I had described my childhood as beaver cleaver. Really. You know, that it was really just a great upbringing.
Right before the A, my mom was sick and dying and my dad was not handling it well. Terrible fights with siblings, FOO issues and being disowned were all happening at once. Then the A happened at the tail end of my family nightmare.
Anyway, the IC has helped me to see that alot of how I was feeling about the A was also how I felt growing up. Definitely not a beaver cleaver upbringing. The betrayal from my husband rehashed all these old FOO issues and feelings. I was projecting. And I had basically learned not to trust as a child and this situation just really threw me for a loop.
Huge, huge breakthrough this weekend where this all finally comes out. My husband is actually the one who makes the connection. A huge weight feels lifted when he does.
Today, I shared this epiphany with my IC. Although we touched on it during my sessions, we didn't really dissect it too much. I was always focused on my husband and his betrayal and not my FOO issues. Remember I didn;t think I had any.
Long story short, she made me see on my own that although my husband betrayed me, didn't put me first for a time period, and didn't validate my feelings, he did apologize, own it, and promise to never do it again. She simply said, "He has given you more than anyone in your family has....ever"
What a lightbulb moment. He has. It seems right now that this was/ maybe is the missing piece for me. I will reserve saying it out loud for fear that it is not. But right now, for the last several hours, and even for the last few days since he made the connection for me, my heart feels lighter. I am happy. Could I be ready to forgive? Have I forgiven? Am I ready to let go because of what he has done for me?
I don't know for sure, but I had to share. I had to get it out. Thanks for listening!
OW Coworker DDay April 7, 2012
EA on a slippery slope...
When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves. ~Viktor Frankl
"When you are happy, you can forgive a great deal."