SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

Lostly88 posted 8/21/2013 22:45 PM

Hi I'm new and am lost on how to mend this broken heart here's my story

Me n my bf have been together for going on 5 years at the begaining of this year he told me he had cheated on me a year into the the relationship never said anything till he decieded he wanted to spend his life with me I was beyond hurt still am I cry a lot and I'm going against MYSELF by staying with...... I love him I feel sooo dumb but I do I've never love anyone like I love him and if this don't make it i don't want to love like this again
I do have to say I myself had a lil thing with an old coworker who no longer works with me nor do I have contact with. I however did not have anything physical it was all emotional he really liked me n I really liked how he made me feel n k we nothing was going to happen between us but I walls still hide me talking to him I feel as if I cheated but to that extant. When he told me the turth I told him my turth too he said that the emotional hurts more the Physical.??!! We've stayed together since the. But I just do t know how to put this past me. I mean we really do love and enjoy each other

LosferWords posted 8/22/2013 00:19 AM

Hello, and welcome to SI.

Sorry for the circumstances that have brought you here, but I think you'll find a great deal of resources and fellow members to help get you through.

A good place to start is the Healing Library in the upper left hand corner of the screen.

It sounds like you and your BF have both had some recent discoveries of behaviors that are long over with. The hard part of it is, during the time of the discovery, it is like it just happened to each of you.

There are many different types of affairs, all of them with their own pain involved. PA's (Physical Affairs), EA's (Emotional Affairs), ONS's (One Night Stands), LTA's (Long Term Affairs). The list goes on. There are two threads that all of these have in common: 1) The betrayal hurts, and 2) There was some broken thinking that went on with the person who was in the affair.

A book I would highly recommend is Not "Just Friends" by Shirley Glass.

IC (Individual Counseling) is also helpful as is MC/CC (Marriage Counseling or Couples Counseling).

It sounds like you two really love each other, and I hope you can work through things. Keep posting. We're here to support you however you need.

Take care.

AStar posted 8/22/2013 11:21 AM

Hi Lostly88.
I am so sorry you are going through this difficult time.
Any infidelity- emotional or physical - hurts when discovered. It shatters your faith on yourself.
I don't believe you can compare one infidelity situation to the other as in you and your boyfriend. We all have different reactions and tolerances, we have different outlooks and histories. What needs to be acknowledged is the hurt and betrayal you and your partner feel.
Please see the Healing Library for help. Both of you need to deal with the As.
Saying one is worse than the other can be a way to minimize one A over the other.
Take care of yourself and try to work through your emotions. Try IC and couples counselling. An A doesnt have to be the end of a relationship. Sure you are both changed, but you can emerge stronger if its what you both want.

Lostly88 posted 8/22/2013 23:00 PM

I just want to thank you for your words and understanding it feels good to know that I have someone to talk to who understands again thank you so much