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stroppy_wanadoo posted 8/22/2013 00:21 AM

Holy hell, it's fucking difficult.

Going_Under posted 8/22/2013 00:34 AM


The worst thing ever. I lost my 28-year-old niece in June and I still cannot wrap my head around it.

I am so sorry.

Kajem posted 8/22/2013 07:48 AM


tushnurse posted 8/22/2013 08:35 AM


Are you in any support groups? I know it's very hard in these early days, and you may not be ready yet. But if she had hospice, contact them, they will put you in touch with the folks that can help and have been in your shoes.

Let it out, cry, scream, whatever you feel. Take time for you.

(((((and strength)))))

jo2love posted 8/22/2013 08:37 AM


I am so sorry.

MovingUpward posted 8/22/2013 08:39 AM


stroppy_wanadoo posted 8/22/2013 08:53 AM

Thank you all.

Hospice had been called and consulted, but I don't think she had transitioned to hospice care yet when she passed. Still, I will call them.

So many people around me, all being so supportive and loving, and I feel worse each day. I've screamed, I've cried, I've laughed, I've seethed. It's the anger that frightens me and upsets me the most. I'm trying to let it go. I can't. It builds.

20 years of talking to her every day... and I can't anymore. And it makes me so, so angry.

ajsmom posted 8/22/2013 09:00 AM


It's probably the worst thing to have to do.


stroppy_wanadoo posted 8/22/2013 09:11 AM

Forgive me as a use this as a journal for a minute... just need to let it out and let it be "heard."

I am so very angry with her alcoholic, abusive asshat of a husband. I don't feel he has the right to grieve. For the past 6+ years he has made her life a living hell. She needed this site. She may have even read it, as I refered her here enough. But as with everything, she always wanted to be strong and handle things on her own. Fiercely stubborn. Fiercely proud.

He ran around on her for years and lied lied lied. She put up with it for the sake of her boys. And now she's not there for those two kids - 11 and 9 (his bday is on Saturday...). How will they survive?

She passed on their 13th wedding anniversary. I can't help but want to think that was her ultimate FUCK YOU to him. But it's turning into something for him to use to his advantage... Oh poor asshat. His wife died on their anniversary!!! How horrible for him!!!

And do you know what he did? He brought her an anniversary gift while she lay dying in the hospital Monday. Hadn't bought her a gift or card in years. Not even for her 40th bday this past March. A gift! Nice, right? That fucker brought her lingerie. A fucking neglige. Which is even more ridiculous if you knew how simple and almost tom-boyish my bestie was. His sex addicted mind continued to insult her to the end.

And just over 24 hours after her passing, his latest "just friend" was invited into her home. Standing in her kitchen. Her sister who has been staying there this week to take care of the boys was so sickened she needed to leave because she felt she was interrupting something.

So vile he is. When her cancer returned last fall, he sighed and said "Now am I going to have to hear about cancer all the time?" He was verbally and physically abusive in so many ways.

Yet everyone is flocking to him to give their love. He.does.not.deserve.a.flying.fucking.thing.

But here's my mantra for today... I'm trying to use it to let go of some anger. He can't hurt her any more.

He can't hurt her any more, and she has nothing left around her but love.

metamorphisis posted 8/22/2013 09:16 AM

That is so horrible it made me cry. And want to vomit. How heinously unfair. I wish horrid things upon that man. I wish for him to wake one day with the full understanding and weight of the hell he put her through..and that it's too late. Too damn late you fool.
That and that alone will be his punishment for being such an awful man.

Stroppy.. I lost someone very very dear to me suddenly. She was a close friend for years and years and as we got older we had grown apart. I won't say it still doesn't hurt, but I will say at the risk of sounding completely nuts. She will come see you. And she will tell you she's ok and you'll get to tell her how much you hurt. You'll know it in your bones. She doesn't want you to hurt like this.

lostmommy posted 8/22/2013 13:36 PM

I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine losing my best friend. I hope you can find peace at this very difficult time. You'll be in my thoughts. (((stroppy)))

nowiknow23 posted 8/22/2013 13:44 PM


tushnurse posted 8/22/2013 13:50 PM

Try to let it go. She did. She was able to give him the ultimate F you. She is no longer in pain, and only knows happiness and love now. Karma will come crash in on him at some point. It has to. You may even be lucky enough to see it.

Try to remember the good stuff.

((((and strength))))

click4it posted 8/22/2013 14:23 PM


My heart really goes out to you. It IS fucking diffcult.

We are here.

lost_in_toronto posted 8/22/2013 18:05 PM


My mother lost her best friend at the same age to cancer. That was twenty-five years ago, and I was only a teenager, but I remember how hard my mom grieved. My heart goes out to you.

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