The worst thing ever. I lost my 28-year-old niece in June and I still cannot wrap my head around it.
I am so sorry.
Evil never thinks it's evil, it always has a really good reason. ~ Joan of Arcadia, TV Series
Are you in any support groups? I know it's very hard in these early days, and you may not be ready yet. But if she had hospice, contact them, they will put you in touch with the folks that can help and have been in your shoes.
Let it out, cry, scream, whatever you feel. Take time for you.
(((((and strength)))))
Think of the haters in your life as sandpaper; they’ll scratch you up time and time again but in the end you’re polished, smooth, and spotless..while they end up useless
We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.
Hospice had been called and consulted, but I don't think she had transitioned to hospice care yet when she passed. Still, I will call them.
So many people around me, all being so supportive and loving, and I feel worse each day. I've screamed, I've cried, I've laughed, I've seethed. It's the anger that frightens me and upsets me the most. I'm trying to let it go. I can't. It builds.
20 years of talking to her every day... and I can't anymore. And it makes me so, so angry.
It's probably the worst thing to have to do.
AJ's MOM
"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer ____________________________________________ Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09 DS - 31 - Yikes!
I am so very angry with her alcoholic, abusive asshat of a husband. I don't feel he has the right to grieve. For the past 6+ years he has made her life a living hell. She needed this site. She may have even read it, as I refered her here enough. But as with everything, she always wanted to be strong and handle things on her own. Fiercely stubborn. Fiercely proud.
He ran around on her for years and lied lied lied. She put up with it for the sake of her boys. And now she's not there for those two kids - 11 and 9 (his bday is on Saturday...). How will they survive?
She passed on their 13th wedding anniversary. I can't help but want to think that was her ultimate FUCK YOU to him. But it's turning into something for him to use to his advantage... Oh poor asshat. His wife died on their anniversary!!! How horrible for him!!!
And do you know what he did? He brought her an anniversary gift while she lay dying in the hospital Monday. Hadn't bought her a gift or card in years. Not even for her 40th bday this past March. A gift! Nice, right? That fucker brought her lingerie. A fucking neglige. Which is even more ridiculous if you knew how simple and almost tom-boyish my bestie was. His sex addicted mind continued to insult her to the end.
And just over 24 hours after her passing, his latest "just friend" was invited into her home. Standing in her kitchen. Her sister who has been staying there this week to take care of the boys was so sickened she needed to leave because she felt she was interrupting something.
So vile he is. When her cancer returned last fall, he sighed and said "Now am I going to have to hear about cancer all the time?" He was verbally and physically abusive in so many ways.
Yet everyone is flocking to him to give their love. He.does.not.deserve.a.flying.fucking.thing.
But here's my mantra for today... I'm trying to use it to let go of some anger. He can't hurt her any more.
He can't hurt her any more, and she has nothing left around her but love.
Stroppy.. I lost someone very very dear to me suddenly. She was a close friend for years and years and as we got older we had grown apart. I won't say it still doesn't hurt, but I will say at the risk of sounding completely nuts. She will come see you. And she will tell you she's ok and you'll get to tell her how much you hurt. You'll know it in your bones. She doesn't want you to hurt like this.
“The most difficult times for many of us are the ones we give ourselves.” ― Pema Chödrön
Try to remember the good stuff.
((((and strength))))
My heart really goes out to you. It IS fucking diffcult.
We are here.
Laughter will cure life's ills. Have you had your laugh today?
My mother lost her best friend at the same age to cancer. That was twenty-five years ago, and I was only a teenager, but I remember how hard my mom grieved. My heart goes out to you.
