And in the midst of all this, we are neck deep in a major remodel of our house, things are a mess . DD is getting ready to start her senior year. Thanks selfish ass for doing this to us AGAIN.
I don't know that I can do this.
So you do it one day at a time until you can't...and on that day you know. If that day never comes the doubt and questions fade and eventually become replaced with strength and conviction.
I don't have anything wise to give. Just sympathy.
Did he do any work after your first d-day? Examine himself and his issues? Work on learning how to build boundaries? How to communicate with you?
If he doesn't and he won't then even if you can get to a place of forgiveness, you can't get to a place of trust and safety because in his mind its just a slip.
You don't have to do *anything* right now. Just BE.
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.
I am at a loss. I am heartbroken and devastated for you. When I saw the thread title, there were a list of people who went through my head, thinking "Please don't let it be ..." and you were at the top of the list.
I know that you are strong, and will survive whatever comes. And I believe that when the path to take is clear, then you will have peace and will know that it's right.
I am so, so, so very sorry.
So I "get" it. Not like you do, but I get it. And I am so sorry. I'm sorry you hurt so horribly. Hugs.
I am sorry. I did read your story and it makes me so sad for you and angry at him.
admitted he is SA. So here I am, two years from dday 1 and finally an answer that helps me make some sort of sense
I am not qualified to say that he is or isn't. But neither is he. Could he be telling you what you want to hear to minimize HIS actions, his choices?
All I suggest is tread lightly. Regardless if he is a SA or not, he still continually chose to make horrid choices that hurt you and your family immensely.
He claims it was a "slip" back in May
Someone else mentioned this on another post. No, it is NOT a slip up. It is a conscious choice to lie, betray and hurt your spouse.
A slip up is stepping on someone's toe or having an extra piece of cake. It is not intentionally seeking other woman and hooking up. No way.
The job of forgiveness is for you to set yourself free.
You can't forgive someone who is not remorseful. VERY different the regretful.
He has not demonstrated that he even wants your true forgiveness. He wants his cake and eat it too. Close the bakery.
True remorse is NEVER allowing yourself to head down the infidelity path again because you are acutely aware of the pain, heartache and suffering it has caused.
File for D. You don't have to go through with it but convey you mean business. How many Ddays can you have before this ends? He hasn't change because he doesn't want to. (((sorry)))
Be an example to your daughter that she is more than an option. Be strong.
This stops when you say it stops. You have the power to end it.
Big hugs and lots of prayers.
[This message edited by 1Faith at 12:32 PM, August 22nd (Thursday)]
Good god these WS's (including mine) that do this shit make me want to go out on a vigilante rampage.
They are sick and I am very sorry you are in this situation. I am coming to my own conclusion that my WH is a sex addict as well, but sprinkle in a few personality disorders on top of that and viola!
Damn it! I am mad today for you and everyone who feels this way.
[This message edited by crazyblindsided at 1:05 PM, August 22nd (Thursday)]
I agree, a slip? Like, sorry I slipped while holding this chef knife and drove it into your back again?
This. I'm so sorry, boontje.
So he read my journal last night as he stayed in the guest room, and came to me this morning and admitted he is SA. So here I am, two years from dday 1 and finally an answer that helps me make some sort of sense. I asked him what HE is going to do for himself because right now I am focusing on ME. He says he is going to find therapist for SA.
I think you said the right thing to him, that this is something he needs to take responsibility for, while you take care of yourself. Please watch his actions. He really, really does need to take responsibility for his choices, SA or not. He could start by owning that it wasn't a "slip", it was a choice. Getting into therapy is another good first step for him. Sending you strength, boontje.
"And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be."
- Sarah McMane
I just don't know how human beings are capable of hurting others so much...
My heart aches for you.
But I read fire and strength in your words. Hang onto those. Be good to yourself. You are stronger than you know!
Forgivingnow....I chuckled at your typo of my name