Topic: Its over
Member # 37091
| Posted: 9:54 AM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013|
We broke up last night. I wasn't even the one to do it!! He asked to speak to me and we got out much. He apologized for saying hurtful and hateful things to me and for treating me so badly all this time. He says he hated himself but couldn't seem to stop. He wants to try to be friends again. I told him I'd be moving out and since I can't afford a place here by myself right now I'd probably be going to my family until all my bills were paid off. He asked if I would consider staying in the state because he didn't want to lose us possibly being friends as well. I said I'd think about it because I truly do love this city but if I can't then I have to do whats right for me. He told me he understood. Then we watched a show together and went to sleep. Its possibly the most peace we've had between us in a year. We talked about a lot more then what I just listed here but the basic gist is that we've broken up. It hurts and at the same time I'm okay...
Posts: 3611 | Registered: Oct 2012
Member # 35619
| Posted: 9:58 AM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013|
Sorry to hear that, but maybe it was due.
It seems clear you've been more motivated to work on yourself and own your actions.
D final 8/2012
Posts: 4466 | Registered: May 2012 | From: southeast
Member # 24849
| Posted: 11:15 AM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013|
I'm sorry Unagie. I think you're okay because deep down, you know this is what's best for you. You have all of us here to support you. Big hugs!
FWW - 42
"You cannot expect from others what you, yourself, are not willing to do." - Iyanla Vanzant
Posts: 6528 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: So Cal.....
Member # 30989
| Posted: 11:17 AM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013|
(((Unagie))) I'm sorry. I know this wasn't the outcome you wanted and worked hard to achieve.
Can I make a suggestion? Spend some time NC. Delving into "friendship" is confusing in the best of circumstances, post-infidelity. And some people just aren't really friend material. I'm not saying your SO is not friend-worthy; I'm simply suggesting that you take some time to evaluate whether he is.
Sometimes, leaving the past behind is best when moving forward.
Millions of hugs to you. I really am sorry.
WH (Trac-fone), 54, PD
2 kids-DD27, DS19
When we are no longer able to change a situation - we are challenged to change ourselves.--Viktor Frankl
Posts: 12649 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
Member # 1558
| Posted: 4:22 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013|
Unagie, I want you to know that you're going to be okay. In fact, you're going to absolutely blossom. I have faith in you and in your abilities. I want you to have faith in you, too.
I'm sorry for your pain. Keep hanging on. You're actually through the worst of things.
“If you don't like my opinion of you, you can always improve.” ~ Ashleigh Brilliant
"Great love requires determination." ~ tryingtwo
"Don't try to win over the haters, you're not the jackass whisperer." ~ Brene Brown
Posts: 14090 | Registered: Jun 2003 | From: Middle-of-Diddly, TX
Member # 38790
| Posted: 5:50 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013|
If for the first time in a long time, you finally have peace...then perhaps it is for the best.
Perhaps move back home. Follow your dreams and continue to grow and flourish. Feel good about yourself. You tried. You can lead that horse to water, but you can't make it drink.
Major TT 8-14
Friends since 1993
Married 2004 with 2 toddlers
My wedding band is a symbol of hope, forgiveness, love, and grace.
Posts: 1421 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: PA
Member # 32753
| Posted: 6:15 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013|
we've broken up. It hurts and at the same time I'm okay...
Sending you lots of hugs, my friend. You did your best, you're going to get through this, even though it hurts. Hold your head up!
I said I'd think about it because I truly do love this city but if I can't then I have to do whats right for me.
That's right. You have to do what's right for you. Heal at your pace, and be where you need to be to be healthy. It's up to you whether you want to be friends or not. Think about what would be healthiest for you. It sounds like you're moving forward carefully, and you keep shining!
Find peace. Or sleep on it.
Sometimes my monkeys, sometimes my circus.
Infidelities are like icebergs - they may take many different shapes and sizes, but they all damage your ship.
Posts: 4131 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: California
Member # 33226
| Posted: 6:32 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013|
Sending you strength and comfort, Unagie. (((Hugs)))
You can call me NIK
"The dark does not destroy the light; it defines it." - Brene Brown
Posts: 34468 | Registered: Aug 2011
Member # 40076
| Posted: 6:39 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013|
It sounds like he's done you a huge favor. Like somebody else said, it seems like you were willing to put in way more effort than him, and that never would have worked.
I would definitely postpone a "friendship." I bet after a little while on your own, you will feel much better without him in your life. IMO, it sounds like he's trying to keep you on the back burner in case his other relationship(s) doesn't work out. You don't want to be somebody's second choice. You are better than that.
me: BW, 30
him: WH, 25
us: edging closer to R every day
married 2y, together 2.5y
1 beautiful daughter, 23m
"Someday soon, I'm going to put my life together; Win or lose, I'm starting over again."
Posts: 368 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Texas
Member # 27303
| Posted: 6:49 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013|
I'm sorry Unagie.
But listen, you have been suffering too long. Time to find you some happy.
Why stay friends ? Just leaves an ex with potential to become intertwined in future. Many of us probably cheated with an ex at some point . personally, I think staying friends with an ex is a recipe for disaster.
Much like "closure ", " we can be friends" is something people say to feel better about the end of the relationship.
Friends do things together , share confidences, boost each other up. How can you do that with an ex?
IMHO the only reason to stay friends is to leave the option for a relationship open later on.
Acquaintances , sure. Friends? IDK
NC means no new hurts.
Me-42 FWW Him-45BH
M 14 years. Reconciled.
DDay#1 Nov 2008
DDay#2 Aug 2009 (Prior A from 2001)
"Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand." -Kurt Vonnegut
Posts: 2032 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: The SouthEast
Member # 18449
| Posted: 7:08 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013|
I'm sure you'll find your happy once you've worked through the pain.
I also think trying to remain friends is a bad idea. At least, for now. I agree that it's like he wants to eat cake with your approval. FWIW, I never tried to stay friends with ANY of my exes.
Posts: 11836 | Registered: Mar 2008
Member # 36853
| Posted: 7:17 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013|
Glad you are finding some peace. It's going to be ok.
fWW 40s, BH 40s
D-day 27 Aug 2012. Kids 23, 16, 12. 2 dogs.
I edit often to fix stuff ☺️
Profoundly grateful Every. Single. Day. that I am blessed with an H with strength, integrity, and compassion, and that he decided to try.
Posts: 1699 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Deep South, USA
Member # 33581
| Posted: 7:36 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013|
So glad you are feeling peaceful. I understand what you mean. We're kind of in the same place. PM me anytime.
If Happy Ever After did exist, I would still be holding you like this.
All those fairly tales are full of shit.
One more fucking love song I'll be sick. ~ Maroon 5
Posts: 1574 | Registered: Oct 2011
Member # 31528
| Posted: 7:40 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013|
Sending you strength and hope for better days.
Posts: 43565 | Registered: Mar 2011
Member # 30369
| Posted: 7:42 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013|
Sending strength to you, and wishing you brighter days ahead, Unagie.
Posts: 20011 | Registered: Dec 2010
Member # 35566
| Posted: 8:38 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013|
I am sorry to hear the news. I know it is not the outcome you wanted.
Me: fWH/BH 46
Separated transitioning to D
Posts: 730 | Registered: May 2012 | From: L.A.
Member # 37091
| Posted: 1:34 PM, August 23rd (Friday), 2013|
It finally hit me. The finality of all of it and I can't stop crying. Oh dear god this hurts so much.
Posts: 3611 | Registered: Oct 2012
Member # 26859
| Posted: 1:39 PM, August 23rd (Friday), 2013|
You'll be okay unagie. It's okay to cry and to mourn the loss.
WH - 46 (crap...)
BW - gerrygirl
Posts: 6113 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Tri-Cities
Member # 36033
| Posted: 1:40 PM, August 23rd (Friday), 2013|
I'm so sorry about how things have ended with you and your BF. I wish all the strength in the world to get through this. Big hugs!!!! Take care girl
Madhatters / mid 30s
2 year old beautiful daughter
Posts: 1002 | Registered: Jul 2012
Member # 29341
| Posted: 1:54 PM, August 23rd (Friday), 2013|
Huge (((((HUGS))))) to you, Unagie.
He's 41, I'm 35. One awesome 6-year-old daughter, and a brand-new sweet baby boy, June 5.
Posts: 7658 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: The land of a thousand guilts and poured cement
|Topic Posts: 33|