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Unagie posted 8/22/2013 09:54 AM

We broke up last night. I wasn't even the one to do it!! He asked to speak to me and we got out much. He apologized for saying hurtful and hateful things to me and for treating me so badly all this time. He says he hated himself but couldn't seem to stop. He wants to try to be friends again. I told him I'd be moving out and since I can't afford a place here by myself right now I'd probably be going to my family until all my bills were paid off. He asked if I would consider staying in the state because he didn't want to lose us possibly being friends as well. I said I'd think about it because I truly do love this city but if I can't then I have to do whats right for me. He told me he understood. Then we watched a show together and went to sleep. Its possibly the most peace we've had between us in a year. We talked about a lot more then what I just listed here but the basic gist is that we've broken up. It hurts and at the same time I'm okay...

Brandon808 posted 8/22/2013 09:58 AM

Sorry to hear that, but maybe it was due.

It seems clear you've been more motivated to work on yourself and own your actions.

MissesJai posted 8/22/2013 11:15 AM

I'm sorry Unagie. I think you're okay because deep down, you know this is what's best for you. You have all of us here to support you. Big hugs!

solus sto posted 8/22/2013 11:17 AM

(((Unagie))) I'm sorry. I know this wasn't the outcome you wanted and worked hard to achieve.

Can I make a suggestion? Spend some time NC. Delving into "friendship" is confusing in the best of circumstances, post-infidelity. And some people just aren't really friend material. I'm not saying your SO is not friend-worthy; I'm simply suggesting that you take some time to evaluate whether he is.

Sometimes, leaving the past behind is best when moving forward.

Millions of hugs to you. I really am sorry.

Threnody posted 8/22/2013 16:22 PM

Unagie, I want you to know that you're going to be okay. In fact, you're going to absolutely blossom. I have faith in you and in your abilities. I want you to have faith in you, too.

I'm sorry for your pain. Keep hanging on. You're actually through the worst of things.

hopefulmother posted 8/22/2013 17:50 PM

If for the first time in a long time, you finally have peace...then perhaps it is for the best.

Perhaps move back home. Follow your dreams and continue to grow and flourish. Feel good about yourself. You tried. You can lead that horse to water, but you can't make it drink.

silverhopes posted 8/22/2013 18:15 PM

we've broken up. It hurts and at the same time I'm okay...

Sending you lots of hugs, my friend. You did your best, you're going to get through this, even though it hurts. Hold your head up!

I said I'd think about it because I truly do love this city but if I can't then I have to do whats right for me.

That's right. You have to do what's right for you. Heal at your pace, and be where you need to be to be healthy. It's up to you whether you want to be friends or not. Think about what would be healthiest for you. It sounds like you're moving forward carefully, and you keep shining!

nowiknow23 posted 8/22/2013 18:32 PM

Sending you strength and comfort, Unagie. (((Hugs)))

krazy8516 posted 8/22/2013 18:39 PM

Aww!

It sounds like he's done you a huge favor. Like somebody else said, it seems like you were willing to put in way more effort than him, and that never would have worked.

I would definitely postpone a "friendship." I bet after a little while on your own, you will feel much better without him in your life. IMO, it sounds like he's trying to keep you on the back burner in case his other relationship(s) doesn't work out. You don't want to be somebody's second choice. You are better than that.

Mrs Panda posted 8/22/2013 18:49 PM

I'm sorry Unagie.

But listen, you have been suffering too long. Time to find you some happy.

Why stay friends ? Just leaves an ex with potential to become intertwined in future. Many of us probably cheated with an ex at some point . personally, I think staying friends with an ex is a recipe for disaster.

Much like "closure ", " we can be friends" is something people say to feel better about the end of the relationship.

Friends do things together , share confidences, boost each other up. How can you do that with an ex?

IMHO the only reason to stay friends is to leave the option for a relationship open later on.

Acquaintances , sure. Friends? IDK

NC means no new hurts.

Hugs. MP

ThoughtIKnewYa posted 8/22/2013 19:08 PM

(((Unagie)))

I'm sure you'll find your happy once you've worked through the pain.

I also think trying to remain friends is a bad idea. At least, for now. I agree that it's like he wants to eat cake with your approval. FWIW, I never tried to stay friends with ANY of my exes.

knightsbff posted 8/22/2013 19:17 PM

(((Unagie)))

Glad you are finding some peace. It's going to be ok.

CheaterMagnet posted 8/22/2013 19:36 PM

(((Unagie)))

So glad you are feeling peaceful. I understand what you mean. We're kind of in the same place. PM me anytime.

jo2love posted 8/22/2013 19:40 PM

(((Unagie)))

Sending you strength and hope for better days.

LosferWords posted 8/22/2013 19:42 PM

Sending strength to you, and wishing you brighter days ahead, Unagie.

badchoice posted 8/22/2013 20:38 PM

I am sorry to hear the news. I know it is not the outcome you wanted.

Be strong.

Unagie posted 8/23/2013 13:34 PM

It finally hit me. The finality of all of it and I can't stop crying. Oh dear god this hurts so much.

BaxtersBFF posted 8/23/2013 13:39 PM

You'll be okay unagie. It's okay to cry and to mourn the loss.

She-Ra posted 8/23/2013 13:40 PM

Hi unagie

I'm so sorry about how things have ended with you and your BF. I wish all the strength in the world to get through this. Big hugs!!!! Take care girl

JanaGreen posted 8/23/2013 13:54 PM

Huge (((((HUGS))))) to you, Unagie.