SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

Some of you may remember the little fight my BFF had back in Feb... We have not spoken since then... I would like for her and her husband (my cousin) to attend my graduation and dinner afterwards but i' m not sure how to approach her.... I'm also in the process of buying a home with my SO and i dont want to tell her because she will have something negative go say... We are building a KB home and she hates that builder but we are happy with the home we've chosen...

My BFF and i have been friends for 20 yrs and she is opinonated and judgmental... I'm in a happy place and i just DO NOT WANT THae NEGATIVITY...

What Would My SIer's Do?

Why do you want her to attend your graduation?

It kind of sounds like you want her in your life, but not as who she actually is (the drama llama)...which doesn't really work out practically.

You can't change people or expect them to change for you, so unless you want her as she is, I wouldn't invite her back into my life personally, or not on a deeper level at very least. Can you just send her an invite and keep it casual?

I can but not sure how to keep it casual,,, she'll ask questions about whts been going on in my life etc... She may want meet before hand to hash out everything then what??

You are right though i do want her to be different and maybe i should just leave things the way they are right now.....

Thanks for your input...

I guess by "keep it casual" I meant invite her but avoid one on one conversation.

You are right though i do want her to be different and maybe i should just leave things the way they are right now.....

^^^this

I wouldn't bother. She's always been this way, so she's not about to change now.

I wouldn't bother. She's always been this way, so she's not about to change now.

I agree with this.

enjoy your time. This is a happy time for you, and her being who she is will either pull you to an unhappy place, or take away from you being the center of attention. If you want to let her know you did it, send her a Graduation announcement afterward with a cute pic of you in cap and gown.

Thx Ama, Lies, and GB....

She would definitely see right through me if i try to keep it casual with her.... She has known me since i was 19 she is/was like an older sister to me and i've shared a lot of things with her..... <sigh> we stopped talking before for 2yrs because i wnt back to my ex husband.. During that time She said to me her husband my
cousin will not talk to me as long as WE (she and I) are not talking. Yeah she really said that to me.....
My response to her was well he's a grown as man and if diesnt want to talk to me because of our tiff fine by me.....Although we started talking again those words has always been in the back of my mind... Now we are here again....

Tnurse i like ur post mmmmm! Let me ponder that one....

I wouldn't bother. She's always been this way, so she's not about to change now.

ditto. She's never going to be the person you think she should be. You have to make peace with that - not for her, but for you.

I guess i should add that she has apologized for what happened. Actually she apologized that same day and by text right after she said my church and ex husband got my head all F'd up... This is a person who was inviting me to her church. My cousin her husband is an elder and she is a deconess...the way she was acting that day no one would believe her position in the church....

Yes i do have to make piece with it all..

My trick is to only reach out to difficult people when donning an armadillo suit.

By that I mean if you are in a really good place, confident in your decisions, nothing can bring you down, the thoughtless remarks kinda just bounce off, and you can focus on the positive aspects of the encounter. If you are struggling at all, stressed, in any way vulnerable, better to go no contact and eliminate all negative influences until you are in a better place again.

I'm in a KB home in Texas, so I'll throw congratulations right your way and tell you to just carry on without her. If the thought of inviting her is already stressing you out, what on earth is your reaction going to be if/when she attends?

It's YOUR time of celebration. Keep the focus on what you've achieved and the successes heading your way. Let her manage the drama llama petting zoo all on her own.

Are you going to the ATX g2g? I hope so! I want to finally meet you.

Threnody:, thank you so much for that post and allof you are sooo right...

Over the years i've held my tongue with her so much i guess she expects me to continue to do so but i've had enough of her negativity to last me a lifetime....

Wher is the Tx G2G?? I would love to go...

Crecita this is sooo true and you are correct i may not be as strong as i should be to deal with her whatever comments she may make...

Threnody: congrats on the KB home..