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Off Topic :
Not sure what i should do

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 idkam (original poster member #18375) posted at 4:59 PM on Thursday, August 22nd, 2013

Some of you may remember the little fight my BFF had back in Feb... We have not spoken since then... I would like for her and her husband (my cousin) to attend my graduation and dinner afterwards but i' m not sure how to approach her.... I'm also in the process of buying a home with my SO and i dont want to tell her because she will have something negative go say... We are building a KB home and she hates that builder but we are happy with the home we've chosen...

My BFF and i have been friends for 20 yrs and she is opinonated and judgmental... I'm in a happy place and i just DO NOT WANT THae NEGATIVITY...

What Would My SIer's Do?

2015 It's time to get Fit, Fine, and more Fabulous. Come and join me.

posts: 2046   ·   registered: Feb. 26th, 2008   ·   location: Texas
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Amazonia ( member #32810) posted at 5:12 PM on Thursday, August 22nd, 2013

Why do you want her to attend your graduation?

It kind of sounds like you want her in your life, but not as who she actually is (the drama llama)...which doesn't really work out practically.

You can't change people or expect them to change for you, so unless you want her as she is, I wouldn't invite her back into my life personally, or not on a deeper level at very least. Can you just send her an invite and keep it casual?

"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

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 idkam (original poster member #18375) posted at 6:31 PM on Thursday, August 22nd, 2013

I can but not sure how to keep it casual,,, she'll ask questions about whts been going on in my life etc... She may want meet before hand to hash out everything then what??

You are right though i do want her to be different and maybe i should just leave things the way they are right now.....

Thanks for your input...

2015 It's time to get Fit, Fine, and more Fabulous. Come and join me.

posts: 2046   ·   registered: Feb. 26th, 2008   ·   location: Texas
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Amazonia ( member #32810) posted at 6:34 PM on Thursday, August 22nd, 2013

I guess by "keep it casual" I meant invite her but avoid one on one conversation.

"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

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lieshurt ( member #14003) posted at 6:35 PM on Thursday, August 22nd, 2013

You are right though i do want her to be different and maybe i should just leave things the way they are right now.....

^^^this

I wouldn't bother. She's always been this way, so she's not about to change now.

No one changes unless they want to. Not if you beg them. Not if you shame them. Not if you use reason, emotion, or tough love. There is only one thing that makes someone change: their own realization that they need to.

posts: 22643   ·   registered: Mar. 20th, 2007   ·   location: Houston
id 6458852
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GabyBaby ( member #26928) posted at 6:45 PM on Thursday, August 22nd, 2013

I wouldn't bother. She's always been this way, so she's not about to change now.

I agree with this.

Me - late 40s
DD(27), DS(24, PDD-NOS)

WH#2 (SorryinSac)- Killed himself (May 2015) in our home 6 days after being served divorce docs.
XWH #1 - legally married 18yrs. 12+ OW (that I know of).

I edit often for clarity/typos.

posts: 10094   ·   registered: Dec. 26th, 2009   ·   location: Here and There
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tushnurse ( member #21101) posted at 6:50 PM on Thursday, August 22nd, 2013

enjoy your time. This is a happy time for you, and her being who she is will either pull you to an unhappy place, or take away from you being the center of attention. If you want to let her know you did it, send her a Graduation announcement afterward with a cute pic of you in cap and gown.

Me: FBSHim: FWSKids: 23 & 27 Married for 32 years now, was 16 at the time.D-Day Sept 26 2008R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.

posts: 20380   ·   registered: Oct. 1st, 2008   ·   location: St. Louis
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 idkam (original poster member #18375) posted at 6:56 PM on Thursday, August 22nd, 2013

Thx Ama, Lies, and GB....

She would definitely see right through me if i try to keep it casual with her.... She has known me since i was 19 she is/was like an older sister to me and i've shared a lot of things with her..... <sigh> we stopped talking before for 2yrs because i wnt back to my ex husband.. During that time She said to me her husband my

cousin will not talk to me as long as WE (she and I) are not talking. Yeah she really said that to me.....

My response to her was well he's a grown as man and if diesnt want to talk to me because of our tiff fine by me.....Although we started talking again those words has always been in the back of my mind... Now we are here again....

2015 It's time to get Fit, Fine, and more Fabulous. Come and join me.

posts: 2046   ·   registered: Feb. 26th, 2008   ·   location: Texas
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 idkam (original poster member #18375) posted at 6:59 PM on Thursday, August 22nd, 2013

Tnurse i like ur post mmmmm! Let me ponder that one....

2015 It's time to get Fit, Fine, and more Fabulous. Come and join me.

posts: 2046   ·   registered: Feb. 26th, 2008   ·   location: Texas
id 6458906
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MissesJai ( member #24849) posted at 7:00 PM on Thursday, August 22nd, 2013

I wouldn't bother. She's always been this way, so she's not about to change now.

ditto. She's never going to be the person you think she should be. You have to make peace with that - not for her, but for you.

44
Happily divorcing..
My Life is Mine!!!!
#BlackLivesMatter
Don't settle for no fuck shit....

posts: 7497   ·   registered: Jul. 17th, 2009   ·   location: So Cal.....
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 idkam (original poster member #18375) posted at 7:23 PM on Thursday, August 22nd, 2013

I guess i should add that she has apologized for what happened. Actually she apologized that same day and by text right after she said my church and ex husband got my head all F'd up... This is a person who was inviting me to her church. My cousin her husband is an elder and she is a deconess...the way she was acting that day no one would believe her position in the church....

Yes i do have to make piece with it all..

2015 It's time to get Fit, Fine, and more Fabulous. Come and join me.

posts: 2046   ·   registered: Feb. 26th, 2008   ·   location: Texas
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Crescita ( member #32616) posted at 7:51 PM on Thursday, August 22nd, 2013

My trick is to only reach out to difficult people when donning an armadillo suit.

By that I mean if you are in a really good place, confident in your decisions, nothing can bring you down, the thoughtless remarks kinda just bounce off, and you can focus on the positive aspects of the encounter. If you are struggling at all, stressed, in any way vulnerable, better to go no contact and eliminate all negative influences until you are in a better place again.

“Happiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue.” ― Viktor E. Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning

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Threnody ( member #1558) posted at 7:53 PM on Thursday, August 22nd, 2013

I'm in a KB home in Texas, so I'll throw congratulations right your way and tell you to just carry on without her. If the thought of inviting her is already stressing you out, what on earth is your reaction going to be if/when she attends?

It's YOUR time of celebration. Keep the focus on what you've achieved and the successes heading your way. Let her manage the drama llama petting zoo all on her own.

Are you going to the ATX g2g? I hope so! I want to finally meet you.

“If you don't like my opinion of you, you can always improve.” ~ Ashleigh Brilliant
"Great love requires determination." ~ tryingtwo
"Don't try to win over the haters, you're not the jackass whisperer." ~ Brene Brown

posts: 14329   ·   registered: Jun. 6th, 2003   ·   location: Middle-of-Diddly, TX
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 idkam (original poster member #18375) posted at 8:52 PM on Thursday, August 22nd, 2013

Threnody:, thank you so much for that post and allof you are sooo right...

Over the years i've held my tongue with her so much i guess she expects me to continue to do so but i've had enough of her negativity to last me a lifetime....

Wher is the Tx G2G?? I would love to go...

2015 It's time to get Fit, Fine, and more Fabulous. Come and join me.

posts: 2046   ·   registered: Feb. 26th, 2008   ·   location: Texas
id 6459122
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 idkam (original poster member #18375) posted at 8:59 PM on Thursday, August 22nd, 2013

Crecita this is sooo true and you are correct i may not be as strong as i should be to deal with her whatever comments she may make...

Threnody: congrats on the KB home..

2015 It's time to get Fit, Fine, and more Fabulous. Come and join me.

posts: 2046   ·   registered: Feb. 26th, 2008   ·   location: Texas
id 6459138
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