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Weekend family trip - cautiously optimistic

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StillStanding1 posted 8/22/2013 11:40 AM

Quick history: My 2 teenagers found out about the A 6 months before I did. My DD17 has been absolutely livid with her dad, as she confronted him in September 2012 and he continued on with the A and the deception until February. My DS15 was the first to know, but has handled his anger more constructively.

My H decided to move out, but Dday was a "fog lifting" experience for him and we decided to try to R. DD was not on board AT ALL and our family has been a mess for 6 months. She is in IC, as are we (and MC). My H and I are trying very hard and things have been going fairly well.

We spent a week camping with our boys (an annual tradition) in July, but DD boycotted. She was gone a lot this summer, working at a camp and only home 24 hours each weekend. She was still angry and belligerent with me and H. She has repeatedly told me she "doesn't fit into my happily-ever-after scenario". It's really hard to work on R when your family is tugging in opposite directions and your home is filled with stress and anger.

However, I rented a cabin for this 3 day weekend getaway to go whitewater rafting, fishing, etc. Last summer weekend hurrah. DD said a month ago she wouldn't come. Earlier this week, DD asked if she was still invited. (She pretty much has avoided us for 6 months). I cried and told her it would mean the world to me if she would come. She said she would. We hugged. I sobbed. I thanked her.

I ended up having long deep talks with each teen this week (although our MC says I shouldn't talk to them about our R process), but felt they needed to know. Didn't talk details or anything, but shared some of what I've learned about A's and their addictive nature and real honest insights about trust, selfishness, the rollercoaster of R... The discussions seemed to go pretty well. They are great kids going through the most devastating time of their lives...

I am so emotionally overwhelmed. Optimistic for the first time in months. Nervous, scared, too. Hopeful... Terrified...

H is super excited. The guilt and remorse have been overwhelming and compounded by the reactions of the kids. We both hope that maybe this can be the start of a new chapter for our whole family -- one where healing can begin to take place. Just baby steps...

Just wanted to share... and hopefully get some encouragement from all of you...

tushnurse posted 8/22/2013 12:44 PM

Sounds like a perfect opportunity for the kids to see the changes Dad is making to be the guy they loved. Try not to force things. Allow our DD to be alone if she chooses to. The fact that she is coming at all sounds like a big step forward.
Don't be disappointed if it isn't the picture perfect Norman Rockwell event, but appreciate it for what it is.
(((and strength)))

Jrazz posted 8/22/2013 14:43 PM

I agree with tushnurse on all points.

Remember that triggers come out of nowhere and the emotions sneak up sometimes. Try not to have big expectations, but view it as a much needed change of scenery for all.

I'm glad you guys are in MC. Keep that up, and keep taking small steps in the direction that feels right.

Skan posted 8/22/2013 18:19 PM

I'll be praying hard for your family to be able to use this time together, to draw closer. (((hugs)))

StillStanding1 posted 8/22/2013 19:28 PM

Thanks All! Car is packed and I'm saying my prayers.

I'm long past hoping for Norman Rockwell... relieved if we don't have WWIII.

So far, all the attitudes are good.... We shall see!

Fingers crossed!

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