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Will I ever trust again??

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EffairEmptyness posted 8/22/2013 14:40 PM

Haven't posted in a while. I've just been trying to deal. WS was sexting and chatting with several women, particularly one. I found out 2/22, but sometime in April she left him a message on his Vm at work. I found it in his deleted items folder. He swore up and down he never even heard it and deleted it. I don't remember it it was bold or not. I was just furious she found it acceptable to still call him and why had he not made it clear there was to be no more contact. He assured me he will make it clear and it won't happen again. He was just avoiding her. I was so angry he did not make it clear. Since then I have not found anything and he seemed to have been straight. This morning I found yahoo chat attempts to six different users. Most were just "hey you" one said "hey name" and one "hey sexy". None had a response. I approached him on it immediately and he says it was not him, he doesn't even go there, doesn't even remember the password, and his account was hacked. I told him I don't believe him, and asked if we were starting again? I did not escalate it and made an appt with our therapist. I'm six months pregnant and don't want to stress out my baby anymore. I've been through so much with this baby, it can't be good for him.

Now I'm obsessed with checking everything and I can't live like this. I just don't see the end!

Jrazz posted 8/22/2013 14:49 PM

The end is when he stops these behaviors (chatting and then lying, obviously). It IS crazymaking, and you're so right not to want to add any more stress to your pregnancy.

Are you two in MC? Is he in IC? He can blabber about "assurances" until he is blue in the face, until the cold hard evidence matches his pretty words you need to protect yourself emotionally and physically.

I had a little one on DDay, and I was lucky to have a place to take her while FWH sorted out his priorities. I'm not saying you leave the house, but is there any way he can be asked to leave until he gets into therapy and shows real work? Do you have family you can lean on? He needs to be 180'd at least because it sounds like he is still tap dancing in the fog, and until he is scared into addressing the ROOT of these issues, the end may get farther and farther out of reach.

Take care of yourself every day even though the A feels like it's pervading everything. You and your unborn child deserve all the positive love and energy you have to spare.

Sending hugs and good thoughts.

sparklezombie posted 8/22/2013 14:49 PM

I've totally been there. And if he's still doing that stuff, it sounds like he needs to go to IC as well as MC. I can tell you from experience that MC alone will not fix his issues. I separated from WH the second time when I was pregnant and now that she's a year old, I'm moving back out again because of the same behavior. MC didn't help us because it didn't help him individually with his own issues.

doesitgetbetter posted 8/22/2013 15:00 PM

If you're 6 months pregnant, you need to see your OB immediately and get a full panel STD test done. And don't let that man have sexual access until the baby is born, he is putting your child at risk EVEN if he uses condoms. Are you willing to gamble on your childs life that he's not being physical with anyone?

EffairEmptyness posted 8/22/2013 15:07 PM

My pain comes from the emotional affair, not a physical one. It was never physical. These women are in a different city or state. I agree he may need IC. Maybe a MC is not the path, though we had not seen him in a while. He's not the type that goes missing or disappears on me. In fact, he's a homebody. Our problems are Internet based.

sparklezombie posted 8/22/2013 15:37 PM

Even if not a PA (yet), he needs IC. My WH started off like yours, then it progressed to meeting women he found on sex sites. It took a few years, but it got there. Maybe if he gets help now, you won't have that issue, but if he doesn't fully commit to IC, then he won't quit. I don't believe they can just quit this stuff on their own. I know WH tried, but it didn't work at all.

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