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I just don't know what is wrong with me. DDAY was Dec 2011, D was final last October. For a while I was all good,happy, knew I could do this.

Now, over the last couple of months I feel like a blob. No ambition, house is getting cluttered, I stopped working out because it seems like a bother, disorganization/ poor planning on grocery shopping, on and on. I just seem overwhelmed. It sounds like depression to me, but why NOW?

I also can't hold onto a thought for long and I know many of the jobs I am applying for I will not have the mental capacity to the job well-- ie Admin asst, even receptionist. I used to be bright and a quick learner, now I can't even remember what my son has for homework.

I know 1 contrib factor is I have the children everynight since I put a stop to the ON with OW. That is for the best as she is a predator and in SC the age of consent is 16 unless the older person is a teacher. So, legally she can "do" my son....It's a challenge having them every night. On the weekends they go to Dads until 10 or so and come home.

Also,,I was so geared up last year for the trial that did not happen, I wonder if I can finally stop and feel feelings, not staying on high alert anymore is contributing to this state I'm in.

Anyone else seem this way?

[This message edited by homewrecked2011 at 5:59 PM, August 22nd (Thursday)]

I am actively working to lower my hyperalertness. After years of daily abuse, it is an effort to get out of that hypervigilence, always ready to react type of mindset. It feels unnatural to relax sometimes, and like you, I was all set to testify and get real down & dirty at the divorce trial, but that didn't happen.

I try to force myself to just have a "lesser" reaction than what feels natural. I accept that I won't be able to stop all the "alert!" thoughts, but I can counter them when they come with calming ones that contain true facts rather than fears.

Naturegirl-- I think you are on to something....I, too had to be on alert all the time. XWH was always trying to have sex with me at inappr places and times, and I was always trying to stay one step ahead of him with our finances and NOT letting him know how late many bills were. I knew if I went to work full time back then, he would just spend more and the kids would be in day care and we would still be in the hole each month.

Now I am drama free. So maybe it is me coming down off of stress, always having to be a step ahead of him.

Plus, I am learning "what do you know vs what do you think". It has helped me not to project what i think is going on with XH when I see him in our driveway at visitation.

Thank you for the insight.

I'm learning that there are so many layers to healing from domestic abuse. It takes tremendous amounts of time & deliberate effort to make new, healthy reactions & thoughts be normal. My body needs to learn to not overreact as well.

I'm trying to find ways to live my life differently. Trying to break free from various thoughts that held me prisoner, trying to give myself new, healthy things to think about & do, both here at home as well as ways I'm trying to integrate myself socially & in the community. It is a Very Big Deal to come back from domestic abuse.

I was diagnosed with Adjustment Disorder after divorce.

I finally started Zolof around a month ago.

Look at my timeline...look how long it took me to finally stop living on the anxiety and get help.

One of the first signs that this stuff is working...I can find words again. I used to always have that word on the tip of my tongue. They are back.

I also sleep better and have been much more focused at work.

Be very careful of the decisions you make while you are going through this shit--they can haunt you for years.

I took a lower level position after I left the X under the impression that it would be less stressful. It turned out to be much more stressful because I could not lower my mindset to the position I had accepted.

I feel like I am some kind of la la land sometimes and I have to really work at concentrating. I have conversations and forget what was said!

I have recently stopped our counseling sessions,,, maybe I better get us back to see her.

After reading about the Adjustment Disorder, I see my youngest son with a lot of the symptoms also.

I can relate. Glad to see I'm not the only one.

These are one of many reasons I have my EXSO so damn much! The level of mindfuckery I was exposed has left me... F'd