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FoggedIn posted 8/22/2013 18:08 PM

So our first MC session is tomorrow. I'm ready, sooooo ready! Although I have no idea where to start. No idea if the MC will give us a starting point? I have no idea what to expect from this first session, or if I should expect anything.

So for those of you that have BTDT, do you have any thoughts, suggestions, questions I should ask, or things I should prepare myself for?

(quick background) WH had A with prostitute 2 weeks ago, I discovered 2 days later, swears he didn't screw her, although he's admitted to doing plenty of 'other' things. He is remorseful, wants to R, we are being mostly civil to each other (I've had my moments!). I had sex with him after I knew (came to find out it is called 'hysterical bonding', disgusted with myself!), scheduled for STD screening next week (having some not ok symptoms, guess it could be the stress, lack of sleep, food, etc.). He also swears, he's never strayed before.........I'm not convinced!
I'm 38(BW), He's 53(WH), we have 6 kids, blended family (Brady bunch-My3+His3, 5 boys/1 girl, We raising/raised (ages 13/16/18/23/24/25) all 6 and a new grandbaby and DIL). Married 12 years.

Thank you for help and suggestions!!!

XOXO

jjct posted 8/22/2013 20:01 PM

My advice is in the "things you should prepare for" category.

Any effort to talk about your previous M and its problems should be stopped. If it's not about his choices, his broken moral compass - and now, in front of a paid listener, his shit - you're wasting your time and money.

You did not cause this and you cannot fix what is inside him, that caused him to make the horrible choices he made.

So, I'd listen. Listen well. For his ownership of his choices.
If the subject wanders into the M or you, I'd say; "What M? Douchenozzle killed it. Let's get back to the murder scene."

Many a seeming remorseful WS is more than happy when the convo takes the "what was wrong with the M or you" course because it takes the stabbing spotlight offa them.

Like you're the reason they did the deed.
Like the M was.
Fuck that noise.
Like I said, listen for that

FoggedIn posted 8/22/2013 20:59 PM

((JJCT))

Thanks for your response.

I definitely won't listen or stand for any blaming of me in all of this!! I'm not perfect, oil have my weaknesses & my shortcomings, but certainly not the kind that sends a man 15 years older than me to the crotch of a hooker!

Up to this point, he hasn't pointed the finger at me. I hope he doesn't, but I am trying to be prepared for anything!