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blame, rationalization versus understanding what happened

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rbf1234 posted 8/22/2013 18:20 PM

Over the past 10 months, I often feel blamed by the things WH says. (Particularly when he has linked the cheating with painful things I/we went through 20 years ago.) He says he is just trying to describe what he went through. And when I react defensively he says it is because I don't want to hear him.

So my questions are:

1. Anyone else have trouble listening to negative feelings from the WH ... post DD?

2. Any tips for being able to listen to the negative stuff while still protecting my right not to be blamed for the infidelity?

3. Is it possible that in MC we started talking about long term problems in the marriage before dealing with the affair? But if so, what does it mean to deal with the affair without addressing the underlying problems in the marriage?

Thanks!

poopylala posted 8/22/2013 19:23 PM

I don't know how much help up be but you can acknowledge the behaviors and actions you exhibited in the past while also making clear that it didn't make him do anything- it was his own choice to react the way he did.

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