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huRtZ413 posted 8/22/2013 19:11 PM

Cause of my attitude .... Well there you have it guys . He is mad cause I said I don't care I did nothing wrong ( thinks I mean nothing wrong by lying ) I mean as in I didn't cheat but i guess . He's making these threats idk if he is for real cause he keeps coming in saying you really want me to go through with this...is this working shit like you said you will do this with me ?... I'm so fucking sad that jerk.

[This message edited by huRtZ413 at 7:15 PM, August 22nd (Thursday)]

Jospehine85 posted 8/22/2013 19:30 PM

Either your WH is still in an A, in which case, throw him out.

or

He is resorting to an emotionally stunted method to extract "I love you"s from you. In which case, throw him out.

If the reason for his behavior is the former (affair), you don't want him if it includes a girlfriend.

If the reason for his behavior is the latter, throwing him out may make him wake up and realize that you don't pull someone closer by pushing them away. If he doesn't wake up, you don't want him.

(((huRtZ413))) Tell him that divorce should never be an idle threat and that if that is truly what he wants you will expect him to pack his belongings and leave. If it is not what he wants, he needs to stop mentioning it.

ETA This ^^^^ will be most effective said in a very very very calm and matter-of-fact manner.

[This message edited by Jospehine85 at 11:26 PM, August 22nd (Thursday)]

huRtZ413 posted 8/23/2013 09:02 AM

Empty threats ! I told him go ahead and said he didn't want to that he loves me but sometimes it feel like I want to and he doesn't want me stayin for any other reason than I want to . he apologized and now the high point of this roller coaster has gone down again ugh! He says there are times where we take steps forward and and then I take us back with cruel comments .idk I'm I wrong to bash him ? he says if I'm wanting R then we both need to work at it not just him . I told him about what he did wrong ( broke our deal at work) and he apologized and said he was wrong but didn't want to give me another reason to cry cause it kills him to see me this way and that he handled it exactly the way he way suppose to and is sorry he didn't tell me and quit his job .

PrincessPeach06 posted 8/23/2013 10:18 AM

My H did the "I hate seeing you this way" thing for a while but had NO CLUE how to deal with what I was going through because he wasnt doing the work (specifically reading on how to help me!!!). We even did get in fights where he said we were done.

The turning point was where I explained to him that if he was serious he would do whatever it took to help me heal - without me asking! All I needed was him to understand that my anger, hurt, lash outs are normal and how to best deal without threatening to walk away. One thing I do not do is bash him or say cruel cutting things - it doesn't make things any better and makes me feel worse. But I do tell him exactly what makes me angry and sad in a calm way and now he responds wonderfully.

((Hugs))