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Ex refused to allow me to speak to my kids..

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GrievingMommy posted 8/22/2013 19:18 PM

This man is so cocky and doing a power play big time but my children are paying the price. My lawyer and the judge will love (not) his behavior. He sent two extremely rude (think swear words, name calling) emails last week after not wanting to disclose that he moved from MI to NJ! The kids and I live in MN so that's an 18+ hr drive (not including stops). I didn't get CS in July so when my CS caseworker called his job on Aug 2nd, it was discovered he got a new job he didn't tell me about and still hasn't told me his contact info.

In the last EIGHT MONTHS this man has only spoken with his 4 yr old children one time and had seen them two overnights prior to taking them Saturday for his three weeks with them. He shows no interest in them otherwise.

DS and DD are very attached to me which is to be expected. I told XH on Saturday when they (him and wife #3) took the kids, that I'd like to Skype on Tuesday or Wednesday. I got a text Tuesday afternoon stating the children weren't available to Skype till Thursday (today)! I called and said I'd like to at least talk to them on the phone. They got back to me on Wednesday and said they could talk on the phone last night before bed. Wednesday rolls around and I realize that why can't they Skype since it's just as easy as talking on the phone. I figured it was a power play since I'm the one that asked for Tuesday/Wednesday.

Here's how it played out when I asked about Skyping:

ME: Since talking on the phone is just as easy as logging on the computer, I'd like to Skype.


HIM/THEM: Sure, we can let you know a time to Skype tomorrow night.

ME: Why can't I Skype tonight since they're home? Even for 5-10 minutes same as a phone call.

HIM: It's not a matter of ease.....(Wife #3) has finals due all this week and needs every possible minute on the computer when daddy gets home from work. We should have everything put together for the second computer by tomorrow night so they can Skype.


ME: That is unacceptable. 'Wife #3's' homework doesn't come before me Skyping with my children. 'Wife #3' can survive 5-10 minutes off the computer. 'Wife #3' can log the children on whether you are there or not. That way she'll have the PC all to herself when you get home.

HIM: Nor does a vacation come before my parenting time, but I guess it is what it is. And since you want to follow the agreement exactly as it's written, I don't recall seeing anything about Skyping requirement on my end. So keep in mind that I am doing you a favor.....unlike you have done for me, so act accordingly.

ME: My vacation time didn't come before your parenting time. You were notified in January and of the 11 weeks you could have them. Don't worry, the change of Skyping while with you is already in the works....among other things.

You chose to take a new job instead of your children when they were available. I have the kids available to Skype when you want to. What time are they available tonight?

HIM: I already told you when they were available....I didn't say they wouldn't be available at all the whole trip, so I am baffled at your response. You do not make the children available at my beck and call, so it's funny that you would expect such. Very funny. Just seems like you enjoy conflict. One of us will let you know their availablity tomorrow. We are busy having fun....I am not longer available to text.

ME: So you are refusing to let me Skype with them even though they're available, which you stated was tonight? Since you never even inquire about Skyping, it's impossible to refuse your request. That said, rarely have they ever not been available.

I don't like conflict. You are making the conflict by not allowing me access to my children.

HIM: Denying access? Nope, just said that they are not available to Skype on s'mommy's computer, who also is not required to facilitate such. Unless you would also find it acceptable to require grandma to facilitate Skyping when I choose. You are welcome to come here and see them if you like.....I would never refuse your access to them. And I do not appreciate your attempt to do it to me. If you would like to Skype tomorrow, I will make them available, otherwise we will make other plans. Your choice! sent @ 7:26 pm

ME: So you've lived there for weeks/months and you don't have your computer set up? Highly doubt that.

So you're changing it to they now can't Skype? Your text at 6:27 pm said they could Skype and you'd be "doing me a favor". sent @ 7:29 pm

I told you that you could call and talk to the kids at GMa's when you asked (you chose not to call). They don't have Skyping capabilities as you were told. sent @ 7:32 pm


If they are now no longer allowed to Skype, I'd like to talk to them on the phone tonight. And then Skype tomorrow night. sent @ 7:44 pm.

<end of texts/contact>


I called and left a voice mail at about 8:05 last night stating I'd like to speak to my children. I didn't get to speak to my babies at all. Now my babies haven't been allowed to even speak to their mommy in five days. :( My heart hurts.

Supposedly they'll be Skyping tonight but I'm not holding my breath till it does.

This man is truly sick on so many levels. His anger and bitterness is being taken out on our children.

[This message edited by GrievingMommy at 8:28 PM, August 22nd (Thursday)]

caregiver9000 posted 8/22/2013 19:38 PM

I don't like this. Any of this at all.

How do you know what state he is in currently? How do you know WHERE they are at all?

Do you not have rights to phone contact in your custody agreement?

If I did not speak to my children tonight I would blow up his phone and I would contact law enforcement.

I don't like this at all.

I am so sorry. I don't want to make it worse. Maybe I am over reacting? Hopefully you can get some more perspectives.

(((GM))) big hugs and please let us know when you speak to them.

Nature_Girl posted 8/22/2013 19:40 PM

Yeah, this is not good. I would be inclined to ask the police to drop by for a wellness check. Seriously.

caregiver9000 posted 8/22/2013 19:45 PM

I've been jumping at my own shadows today, and even contemplating setting random things on fire, so I don't want to be the one calling for action, but I can't seem to let this one go.

It's late on NJ time. Late for a couple of 4 year olds on an unfamiliar schedule.

Mousse242 posted 8/22/2013 20:09 PM

Audio record all conversations with him. Period.

peridot posted 8/22/2013 20:23 PM

Do you have his address? I would not let him take my children unless I knew where he lived.

If you know where he lives then do a well check and ask the police to have your kids call you.

GrievingMommy posted 8/22/2013 21:13 PM

I saw/Skyped with my babies for about 26 minutes! Phew. If he didn't allow me to tonight I would be opening a can of whoop ass tomorrow (I still will be with my lawyer but a bit less desperate pace).

He did give me his home address in NJ after about four emails stating that the children were not going to go anywhere until I had it. He relented two days before the desired pick-up date. He has yet to give me his work contact info though.

The divorce decree says that I have to have the children available to him at least Skype three times/wk. Which is one of the ammendments that will be added so I have that same right when we go back to court. I'm working on a list that I want to ammend/add.

I think I should go for 100% legal custody (already have sole physical) since he won't coparent at ALL and won't see the kids. Probably won't happen, but can't hurt. A judge will be appalled when they read the emails.

You guys would light him on fire if you read what he wrote to me.

[This message edited by GrievingMommy at 9:15 PM, August 22nd (Thursday)]

Sparkles posted 8/22/2013 21:19 PM

I'm glad you were finally able to skype with them. Total dick move on his part and hopefully it will bit him in the ass. It would have made me crazy not to talk to my kids for days!

stillstrong posted 8/22/2013 23:02 PM

How were the kids? Did they seem to be missing you terribly, or were they missing you but having a good time?

Strongmama posted 8/22/2013 23:18 PM

I'm sorry he's suck a jerk! My ex has pulled stuff like this and didn't let me talk to my kids even when they were wanting to talk to me
Hope your babies are okay, and you too of course. Hopefully he will grow up and realize how bad his behavior is and how those sweet kids will know what he's done one day, and will most likely make the choice on their own to not talk to or see him at all. What a bunch of jerks!
I'm sorry.

caregiver9000 posted 8/22/2013 23:23 PM

Thank you for updating!! I am relieved for you.

I can't believe it is not "reciprocal" if he gets it, you would in reverse...

Go after him and I can imagine he is a jerk in writing. It is his default setting.

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