People keep telling me to wait a year to make a final decision but I cant get past what hes done to me. Knowing that I never deserved anything he put me through makes it really hard to see past the good hes done since I took him back.
He says he didn't like her, then why did you have sex with her? "I don't know" is the answer I get. That doesn't cut it. He says every time he did something with her, sexual or not, he felt guilty but persisted on into a PA. WHY?
I did everything I could to save our M especially pre A and nothing worked. I mean, he got mad at me for yelling at our oldest when he spent all of 2 hours a day at home not helping me. On top of that, I had ptsd from being raped 9 years ago and still healing from a c-section in july '12 but that didn't stop him from berating me about not putting out. Don't even get me started on the neglect, I cant believe I never cheated... Or left all together.
I cant get past his A, I cant even see a keyhole of light in the tunnel. I just don't feel a connection with him anymore, there's nothing there, there's no butterflies or spark left. He's singlehandedly killed any love I had for him. Its just not there anymore, im not in love with him anymore and its all his fault. I suppose I'll just go with it until I can either get out or, I doubt, he changes my mind.
O'well, at least its not my fault it went to hell in the OWs hand bag.
[This message edited by DoneWithLove at 7:20 PM, August 22nd (Thursday)]