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Just my story

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Hopeforredemptio posted 8/22/2013 20:18 PM

Not going. To be some long winded post. I have been married almost 22 years cheated off and on with many women for 15 of them. Wife's know but not known for many years. We had our D Day almost a year ago the actual day was more like a couple of months, bits of the story coming out at a time. At the beginning of this process I hit a bottom of sorts. Never bought into sex addiction until I looked at myself one day I realized I hated the person I was. It broke through the compartment I kept it in. Been in counseling since and proud to say I have been affair free since then I truly love my wife. She is so damn strong. Our R is slow but steady like it should be, ups and downs fights, but no affairs, I look at myself every morning and say, "not today" no promises for tommorrow but I got today. The worst part for me was realizing I stole our entire life from her, my kids childhood is gone, almost every little memory is destroyed. I love her and owe her my best. I have been lurking here for a while crying and reading. Thank you all for sharing and making me realize I am not alone, I can be better.

stilllovinghim posted 8/22/2013 23:10 PM

I'm letting you know you've been heard, sometimes new posts get bumped to the bottom rather quickly and the original poster is I'm sure scratching their head wondering why no one has replied.

At any rate, welcome to SI. There's tons of helpful advice here as well as wonderful members willing to lend a hand. If you haven't already, take a look at the Healing Library over there on the left.

I don't have any experience with SA and my views regarding it may cause a lot of disagreements between members so I'd rather not express those views, plus, I don't want to hijack your thread.

So can you tell me what kind of work you've been doing to fix yourself and help your BS feel safe? Have you written a timeline with all info leaving nothing out? Have you offered up all accounts, passwords, cell phones, anything else hidden for 100% total transparency?

[This message edited by stilllovinghim at 11:13 PM, August 22nd (Thursday)]

UnexpectedSong posted 8/23/2013 09:17 AM

Are you in any treatment for SA? I do like the "not today" mantra.

ResoluteH posted 8/23/2013 09:40 AM

Just my encouragement in response to just your story. Hang in there. If you and your wife can save your marriage, it's worth the work. Even if you can't, it's worth the work.

Hopeforredemptio posted 8/23/2013 09:51 AM

Don't really care how you feel about the "not today" mantra. Are you a WS? Just wanted to be heard that it gives me relief to see I am not alone.

BaxtersBFF posted 8/23/2013 10:10 AM

Since the stop sign is on, only WS's can respond...

There are plenty of us here who understand what you are dealing with. You most definitely are not alone.

[This message edited by BaxtersBFF at 1:27 PM, August 23rd (Friday)]

20WrongsVs1 posted 8/23/2013 10:44 AM

Hope...wondering if you misread UnexpectedSong? The statement seemed positive to me.

I like the mantra, too.

stilllovinghim posted 8/23/2013 10:53 AM

Same here...

What exactly are you wanting from us? Support? Empathy? You'll have it and more. A good way, however, to not garner help and support is by acting like you give zero fucks. I agree the mantra of "not today" is excellent and helps many different types of addictions.

So, drop the defensive attitude. I really hope this isn't how you treat your W. If so, your road ahead is going to be a helluva lot longer, harder and lonelier.

[This message edited by stilllovinghim at 10:54 AM, August 23rd (Friday)]

ResoluteH posted 8/23/2013 12:00 PM

20WrongsVs1 wrote,

. . . wondering if you misread UnexpectedSong? The statement seemed positive to me.

I misread it at first, too. I read "do not like" instead of "do like." I had to look at it again before I got it right.

UnexpectedSong posted 8/23/2013 18:00 PM

it gives me relief to see I am not alone.

You're definitely not alone. I'm a WS and have been diagnosed as SA by two therapists.

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