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StartingOverx2 posted 8/22/2013 21:40 PM

It must set a person free. Here I am, unable to sleep or eat in days, and asshole ate an entire pizza and is passed out on the couch. Ain't that a bitch. I love how he, who screwed me over, can keep on keeping on, and I, an unwilling participant in this, is a wreck.

TrustedHer posted 8/22/2013 22:15 PM

There's a member here whose tagline for the longest time was "The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off"

Please make sure you drink water and eat something. You need to make sure your body has enough to keep going on.

emotionalgirl posted 8/22/2013 22:23 PM

((((StartingOverx2)))) the best advice the folks here gave me was to put my bitch boots on and take care of me! I put those suckers on and I don't think I am ever taking them off. Remember only you can take care of you and you should be #1 in your world.

It's a long dark tunnel but there is always a light at the end...somewhere!

Chicky posted 8/22/2013 22:31 PM

Hugs StartingOver...

emotionalgirl your last sentence reminded me of something that gives me a tickle every time I think of it. My Dad was suffering through a bout of depression. In an effort to cheer him up I said, "Daddy, there IS a light at the end of the tunnel" He replied, "I KNOW there's a light. It's the f***ing locomotive BEHIND that light that has me worried!"

Landoes posted 8/23/2013 02:15 AM

I felt the same the first month or so. I would see her sleep with no issues while I couldn't even close my eyes for a second.
Cheating has to be the ultimate selfish act.

lilflower1000 posted 8/23/2013 07:45 AM

((StartingOver)) I a little over a year from D-day and still it seems that I am the one who suffers. Although to a much lesser degree than 6-8 months ago.To me, part of it is the no knowing. They know exactly what has happened, exactly what happening and exactly what they plan to do next while you are stuck investigating and snooping just to know about your own marriage. In my case, he felt the control, while I was stuck waiting for him to decide what HE was going to do.. Well, hell no..When I took control of my own destiny, both of our attitudes changed. I stopped being the victim, and he quickly pulled his head out of his ass!! At this point, HE is doing all of the work to keep me happy and I am no longer the victim. He has really become a much more wonderful and loving husband in every way than he was pre-affair. Not sure of all the psychology behind that...

As others have said..take care of you. 180 if you are not doing so already.
Take care of you! Eat, Drink water, go to the gym or run. Take control of your own destiny and take the focus off of him. This is what saved me and my marriage. Take care of YOU! You will be treated by others how you treat yourself.
Good luck to you.

OK now posted 8/23/2013 08:21 AM

As emotionalgirl said, get those bitch boots on and start defining just what your greedy WS needs to do to repair your marriage.

1Faith posted 8/23/2013 08:55 AM

I completely understand.

When I first found out I was a hysterical, crying, emotional wreck.

Lost 30lbs in 5 weeks via the devastation diet

And my FWH would sleep like the dead. Many times I had thoughts of taking the iron and bludgeoning him with it while he slept so peacefully.

Talk to your doctor about antidepressants and perhaps sleeping pills.

This news takes its toll on your body, mind and soul.

You need to eat and sleep even when you feel it is impossible.

Now the focus is on YOU. Do what you need to do to start healing.

Sending hugs and prayers to you.

mandan66 posted 8/23/2013 09:50 AM


1Faith couldn't have said it better. I lost 15 lbs. on the devastation diet also in the first 3-4 months.
See your doctor, don't be afraid to explain the situation, and get whatever meds. you need to ride things out until you get to the other side. Lunesta has done wonders for me.
Anti-anxiety meds help greatly also!

Raven96 posted 8/23/2013 09:57 AM

((SOx2)) I am 4 months out, and I am so sorry you are hurting. This is exactly what I am going through, too, though the sleepless nights are a little further between. This site will help with those sleepless hours, and you are truly safe here. Landoes has it right...this is the ultimate selfish act, and you need to be just as selfish and take care of you! Do not depend on him to make things better. I did wake my WS up several times in the middle of the night to share the thoughts that were keeping me from sleep, though.

It really will get (a bit) easier with time. I also found that you have to be careful who you share with, because sometimes people who aren't going through this have opinions that you can't deal with. I am so thankful I found out about this has helped immensely!

Take care of you!!! Sending good thoughts and peaceful nights your way!!!

FoggedIn posted 8/23/2013 10:34 AM


I am in your shoes also. Only 2 weeks our from Dday & he's sleeping & eating just fine!! I've lost 10lbs already, the only sleep I've had has been courtesy of tylenol pm and it was brief.

Although it's hard to try and take care of yourself right now, even though that is what all the experienced posters here say, I know that's what we need to do. So best luck that you can try and focus on YOU!!! XOXO Hugs and I feel your pain (literally!)

surviving1963 posted 8/24/2013 12:03 PM

I feel your pain. I use to wonder how it could take WH 30 seconds to fall asleep and begin snoring like a bear - while I laid in bed crying and shaking?! Nothing more selfish than a WH. I lost 35 lbs on the devastation diet (such a fitting name). At least he slept so hard it gave me an opportunity to snoop and TRY to find out the truth about this narcissistic person. There will never be the justice BS deserves.

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