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ButterflyGirl posted 8/23/2013 01:07 AM

Since I've spent over $12,000 in legal fees so far, I must admit I have been trying to negotiate with the FTFred so that we can avoid our 6-hour trial coming up. I don't want to spend any more money for something so freaking obvious!! I ignore all his digs at me and focus on the kids, but what causes me to end the conversation for tonight? Him texting, "Get over it. I never loved you and never will."

Yeah, like I'm really still in love with you and your abusive manipulating bullshit you constantly pull on me. I tried to get you on meds. I tried to get you in counseling. I tried to help you with your FOO issues, but I'm DONE!! Grow the fuck up and stop using your past as an excuse for your behaviors. I've even called CPS on you and your skank moron!! And that skank is sleeping at my house and playing mommy to my kids. And you think I want you back?? You think I'm not over you?? Really?? Focus on the kids already!! I love them more than I hate you. Take a fucking hint and get to the same place asshole! PUT THIER BEST INTERESTS FIRST!! Oh, but my bad, you're too NPD to love anyone more than yourself..

But now I just have to share a few lyrics I heard to today that I think fit the situation. Would never send them to him since he would never get it, but they make me feel better..

Daughtry- "Over You"

Now that it's all said and done,
I can't believe you were the one
To build me up and tear me down,
Like an old abandoned house.
What you said when you left
Just left me cold and out of breath.
I fell too far, was in way too deep.
Guess I let you get the best of me.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'M BETTER OFF WITHOUT YOU
MORE THAN YOU, MORE THAN YOU KNOW.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces.
From spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I GOT OVER YOU.

You took a hammer to these walls,
Dragged the memories down the hall,
Packed your bags and walked away.
There was nothing I could say.

And when you slammed the front door shut,
A LOT OF OTHERS OPENED UP,
SO DID MY EYES SO I COULD SEE
THAT YOU NEVER WERE THE BEST FOR ME.

SBB posted 8/23/2013 01:25 AM

I love them more than I hate you.

Nature_Girl posted 8/23/2013 01:57 AM

Yep, I'm getting over him! THanks for sharing!

ButterflyGirl posted 8/23/2013 02:15 AM

Found this thread in General:

http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=505664&HL=40095

It's about an H threatening to drop out of his daughter's life if the BW leaves him. And then later on threatening to take the child and not let the BW see her. Which of course is all manipulation trying to force the BW to stay..

I totally related to this thread as basically the same happened to me, and I even responded a couple times. What I failed to mention near the end is that my STBX did turn it around as well (after threatening to leave in the beginning), and has now threatened to take the kids away from me too. After reminding him he is thousands behind in retroactive child support, he will say crap like, "Then I will just take the kids away from you and you will owe me child support :-)"

What kind of sick, twisted assholes use the children as pawns like this?

I will ALWAYS love my children more than I hate them, and that includes never EVER using them as pawns against him. What a horrible way to treat a child. I HATE him for doing that..

Nature_Girl posted 8/23/2013 03:16 AM

Yeah, I used to think that the horror stories I heard about divorcing parents where one totally uses the children as pawns were somewhat exaggerated tales of woe spun by bitter, pathetic spouses. What an idiot I was. So arrogant and full of myself. So certain that no one would REALLY act like that.

Now I know parents can and do act much worse than I ever dreamed possible. I cannot understand what kind of person behaves that way, and honestly I'm glad. I don't want to understand THAT. It's too toxic.

ButterflyGirl posted 8/23/2013 04:03 AM

I cannot understand what kind of person behaves that way, and honestly I'm glad. I don't want to understand THAT. It's too toxic.

I don't want to understand it either. If I started to investigate why, as an empathetic, sympathetic person, would I feel for these people? Would I begin to understand it somehow and give them justification for some trauma they went through or FOO origin issues? BUT I DON'T CARE. I DON'T WANT TO UNDERSTAND IT!! It's sick and twisted and fucked up beyond my recognition, and I don't want to waste any brain space on it.

We are who we surround ourselves with. We are what we buy. We are where we go.

My life was a black hole of crap, trying to find a way out and show him the light.

Now that I'm physically away from him, my life is filled with family, old friends, Boy Scout moms, moms of my kids' classmates, grocery stores, libraries, book stores, playgrounds, water parks, my mom's pool, church with my kids' cousins. I love my life now.

But stupid FTFred and his skank are constantly trying to bring me down, bothering me, texting me, emailing me, cursing me out, dicking me around with the kids, sending me a horrible song on my 10th anniversary about how she doesn't care if I'm dead or alive, financially ruining me, the list goes on and on. How the hell do I cut that crap out of my life??

Just as you said, this behavior is toxic, and I want it out of my life as soon as possible. I guess it's up to me to stop letting it get to me, but damn, it's a struggle. I don't want to understand it and try to figure out how to make it stop, I just want it to go away...

Even though the skank continues to send me texts, I've yet to block her. I'm thinking a few more and I will have enough for a restraining order. That toxic bitch better watch her back. I'm cutting this shit out any way I can think of..

And if I can figure out how to play my cards right, Mr. Toxic FTFred will get fried in court.

These assholes don't deserve children. Perhaps they deserve play time every now and then, but true loving parents they are NOT..

ETA: By the way, Nature_Girl, thanks for officially dubbing him FTFred. I love it

[This message edited by ButterflyGirl at 4:06 AM, August 23rd (Friday)]