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its done, i cried

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hexed posted 8/23/2013 01:13 AM

X and I met at a UPS store with a notary to finalize the papers. We met at a restaurant across the street actually to review them one last time. We had a fun light hearted conversation and were laughing when we went into the UPS store.

A young guy... probably mid 20s was handling things for us. He asked for the name of one of the documents that was being notarized. I told him. its ".....divorce....". His jaw pretty much hit the counter. He couldn't shut up about it. He kept saying things about how we didn't seem like people getting a divorce. How chatty and comfortable we were. blah blah blah...genuine surprise."

I knew I'd cry. I had a long bit of driving to be done that I had scheduled for after the signing. I knew I'd need to process. My X has been in my life since first grade. He was the one who listened to me cry and bitch when my parents divorced in the 7th grade. He loved me through the awkward years of HS when everyone else thought I was a dork. He's been a constant in my life. Constant doesn't = good but he's been there. I knew I'd need to process. I knew I'd cry. I was prepared.

But that guy in the UPS store ruined. I teared up right there. Had to put one my sun glasses and look the other way. Damn it! I didn't want to cry in front of X.

He was off to celebrate OW's Bday. He says he's sad but I just don't think he really knows about sad

All of that said, I'm glad its done. There is a nice bit of peace with it.

click4it posted 8/23/2013 01:26 AM

Wow hexed....that made me tear up.

((((((((((hexed)))))))))))

wishing you peace.

c6284x posted 8/23/2013 01:54 AM

I remember my trip to the UPS store. For some strange reason I was embarrassed that the papers we were having signed were divorce papers.

There is something about seeing your names on the papers with the words dissolution of marriage on it to be overwhelming. We signed less than 3 months after my dday, so it was still raw for me. She on the othere hand was getting this out of the way for Mr. Perfect.

Williesmom posted 8/23/2013 06:51 AM

((Hexed))

I know exactly what you mean.

cayc posted 8/23/2013 07:11 AM

(((hexed)))

She11ybeanz posted 8/23/2013 07:22 AM

((hexed)) My heart really hurts for you.....but I know it will get better! Hang in there sweetie!

Weatherly posted 8/23/2013 07:22 AM

(((((((((hugs)))))))))

cmego posted 8/23/2013 07:35 AM

((((hexed))))

nowiknow23 posted 8/23/2013 07:45 AM

((((hexed))))

FaithFool posted 8/23/2013 07:47 AM

Of course you did. Sheesh, you're human.

Onward and upward!

burnedcanuckEMS posted 8/23/2013 09:40 AM

I understand where you are coming from. I have known my ex for over half of my life. We were friends in high school, went our own ways, then met ten years later and married. Its hard having your best friend betray you with infidelity. Through our divorce people were also shocked - we had two appointments we went to together - one was to sign the legal papers when the house sold, the other was his loan appt with the bank so he could buy out our fifth wheel from me. Both the lawyer and the loans officer were shocked we came to the appts together. It still makes me sad even though I am glad its over.

MissMoneypenny posted 8/23/2013 09:53 AM

I feel for you ,Hexed ! I am not yet divorced, haven`t even filed yet due to financial reasons but I know once we both sit in the Divorce Court we will both cry !

hexed posted 8/23/2013 10:17 AM

Thanks all. I'm just feeling a little out of sorts.

Good grief its been nearly 6 years now. At any point along the way he could've stopped all this and he knows exactly how. His actions have always spoken loud and clear. Because of that I was able to move on from the M.

I've never been able to fully let go of my own mental idealized concept of M. That's the part that's been disappointing.

The young man's comments were just like cold water b/c we were standing there laugh and chatting the same way we did when we were first together. All the hurt and anger that makes communicating in a bad M difficult have long since gone. Its much easier to see the good parts again. He's still an alcoholic. He's still got all sorts of traits that never want to deal with again but I can now see the parts of him that I liked.

The young man needed to be quiet about it. I didn't need a reminder of what was.

ajsmom posted 8/23/2013 10:27 AM

It is a very sad moment, indeed.

In defense of the UPS guy, he probably just blurted out what he saw. I'm sure hearing the word "divorce" was probably the last thing he expected to hear, especially given how you two presented yourselves.

Oh, and when you take a trip down memory lane, remember ALL the other times you had to defend his sorry ass with his drinking and carousing and overall mistreatment of you and your DS. Detachment from an alcoholic is tough. I know. I'm in the same walk.

You'll get through this.

Guaranteed.

AJ's MOM

hexed posted 8/23/2013 10:54 AM

Thanks AJ

I know all the bad stuff. In some ways its harder when the good stuff is made real again.

I think I would've been OK if the UPS guy hadn't kept on and on about it. One comment was fine but come on...once was enough. I didn't need half a dozen comments about it!

I had to step away for a minute to compose myself so I was making copies. X paid. He JOKINGLY asked for half the cost of the whole thing. ($15). I suggested he could pay his half of the filing fees ($250). Funny -- he didn't give me $235 damn it!

Crescita posted 8/23/2013 11:01 AM

(((hexed)))

burnedcanuckEMS posted 8/23/2013 11:14 AM

Mine is an alcoholic too, and addicted to pot, and god knows what else since around the affair I strongly suspected he got into hard drugs. Despite it all I am the one and only person in his life who ever truly saw his potential. Its sad he wouldn't ever go get help. Thinking of his good traits makes me so sad. Sad for his spirit and the fact that he is letting his addictions take over his life.

Grace and Flowers posted 8/23/2013 11:25 AM

I've never been able to fully let go of my own mental idealized concept of M. That's the part that's been disappointing.

The young man's comments were just like cold water b/c we were standing there laugh and chatting the same way we did when we were first together. All the hurt and anger that makes communicating in a bad M difficult have long since gone. Its much easier to see the good parts again. He's still an alcoholic. He's still got all sorts of traits that never want to deal with again but I can now see the parts of him that I liked.


(((((hexed)))))

I feel the EXACT same way. I'm so sorry.

Eta: sorry, don't know how to do quotes

[This message edited by SadMad2012 at 11:26 AM, August 23rd (Friday)]

lostmommy posted 8/23/2013 12:57 PM

(((hexed)))

NaiveAgain posted 8/23/2013 13:28 PM

(((hexed))) I'm so sorry for your loss.

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