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Is it possible to enjoy a wedding?

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naivewife posted 8/23/2013 05:42 AM

I responded to post a few weeks ago about someone feeling like crap after attending a wedding. Ironically, about a week later we received a wedding invitation. WH really wants to go. I'm afraid it's going to put me in a very dark place. Just wondering if my fellow BS's have attended weddings after being betrayed and how did it go? Did you do anything special to make it easier on you? (Skip the ceremony? Listen to your iPod during the vows?!?) Or were you able to just go and enjoy?

AStar posted 8/23/2013 06:14 AM

Yes it is possible. I went to a wedding two weeks after DDay with WH. I ignored him for the most part as there were many other friends to talk to.
The wedding actually helped take my mind off the turmoil with WH.
It was a relief to have my mind occupied by something else.
Yes, it did make me think of my own wedding, but bugger it, it was not my day and I was there to celebrate with others. (A few extra glasses of red wine did smooth the day. )
So if you do go, just relax and enjoy.

avicarswife posted 8/23/2013 08:42 AM

Our daughter got engaged just before D-day.

Sadly I feel I missed out on the much of the joy of organising her wedding with her as I was so grief stricken at his betrayal. Her wedding was beautiful - I struggled throughout the day at various times. I got tearful seeing her dad walk her down the aisle and give her away and then during his father of the bride speech. However the overall the wedding was wonderful - but too close to home so early on.

Recently my widowed brother got re-married. His first wife was one of my very dear friends. The wedding was lovely - and I did enjoy it very much.

The vows were definitely the hardest part - I concentrated on admiring the wedding dresses and tried to "tune out" a bit for those.

WH and I got parted at the service at my brother's wedding - it was outdoor and suddenly they (bride and groom) were walking towards us and WH was talking to some guest across the court yard. Initially I was mad at him for not supporting me - I had to stand in a particular area to say a prayer. However in retrospect it was easier not having him close.

The service and vows were the hardest but the reception (plus a wine or 3) was enjoyable.

[This message edited by avicarswife at 8:43 AM, August 23rd (Friday)]

Rhondy posted 8/23/2013 08:54 AM

I attended one 5 months post DDay. I too found the ceremony and listening to the vows very hard. Especially when it got to the part about forsaking all others. Once that was over I really had a good time. So yes you can enjoy it but some parts might be difficult.

7yrsflushed posted 8/23/2013 08:55 AM

Yep, I went to several. The first was with STBXW a few months before in-house S started. The wedding was nice but I spent the entire ceremony supressing the urge to yell RUN, don't do it, over 50% of M's fail at the top of my lungs. Then I realized that maybe they will be in the percentage that makes it. The day wasn't about me after all. The reception was a little better. Yes the vows do suck, my eyes were burning a hole in the side of my STBXW's face the entire time the vows were being made.

Next wedding I went to was after paperwork had been signed and I had detached. I had a blast at that one. Enjoyed the entire ceremony too. Did alot more mingling and generally enjoyed myself.

You know yourself so drinking may or may not be a good idea. I didn't drink at the first wedding I attended but did at the second.

DCP21 posted 8/23/2013 08:55 AM

I'm hoping it IS possible. My daughter is getting married next Saturday. My DDAY was in March, but I still haven't confronted my H yet because of all the wedding planning. It's taken all the joy out of it for me, because it's hard to think of anything else. I'm just going to concentrate on the day and not on the H. However, I think Labor Day will be the time of reckoning. But I hope you have a wonderful time and just live in the moment.

Jwayne10 posted 8/23/2013 09:27 AM

I attended a wedding just a few months after DDay and it was really tough. I don't think I prepared for it though, I didn't think about before hand. When they got to the vows I broke down, didn't even see it coming. After that I prepared for it mentally and the next one was fine.

FooledinPhilly posted 8/23/2013 10:23 AM

I just attended a vow renewal ceremony which was basically a second wedding. It was for a friend of my WH. I almost lost it during the vow's...took all my strength to keep my composure...Since I found out about my cheating husband, I've been thinking so much about our wedding vow's and how much those words actually mean...Its only been a month since I found out so maybe sometime in the future wedding stuff wont hurt as bad, but right now I can say it was extremely hard to enjoy any part of it.

HurtsBad posted 8/23/2013 15:58 PM

Some background. After D, I married OM's BW. XW married OM.

About a year later, we attended the wedding of my SD, the DD of my wife and OM. XW was there, so it was somewhat stressful for me. But SD and her new hubby had known each other for years, and I really believed they'd be married for life.

The wedding was a three-hour drive. OM and XW were killed on the highway that night.

And now, a year and a half later, SD is filing. (Thankfully, not for cheating.)

So I guess you could say I haven't had good experiences with weddings.

NotDefeatedYet posted 8/23/2013 16:07 PM

When I have to go to a wedding, I sort of roll my eyes at the whole thing. It just doesn't have the meaning it used to, and I feel like it's all a big waste of time.

NotDefeatedYet posted 8/23/2013 16:07 PM

Dang.

[This message edited by NotDefeatedYet at 4:07 PM, August 23rd (Friday)]

Flatlined123 posted 8/23/2013 17:00 PM

We attended my nieces wedding this past June. I thought, being almost 4 years out I'd do okay. Yeah, no. I was good before the ceremony and up until the vows.

I cried the whole time they were saying them. H held my hand and kept whispering I'm so sorry I broke my vow to you.

I pulled it together and did okay with the rest of the ceremony and reception.

I'm so thankful we don't have any to attend in the near future.

Sal1995 posted 8/23/2013 17:04 PM

It's difficult when you feel that your own wedding, anniversaries, memories, etc. have been rendered meaningless. Hopefully time will heal this wound. My D Day is around the same time as yours and I'm definitely not there yet. Good luck.

[This message edited by Sal1995 at 5:05 PM, August 23rd (Friday)]

BeyondBreaking posted 8/23/2013 18:16 PM

Someone else's wedding has nothing at all to do with you, or your marriage. It is about them completely and celebrating the place that they are in.

Even if your own marriage is not so hot right now, you should still go and be happy for THEM.

Plus, after the ceremony, there is free drinks, free food, and dancing. All things I personally love. I don't see how someone can complain about that.

I hope everyone enjoyed MY wedding, despite how their personal marriages were going.

Losttransport posted 8/23/2013 18:23 PM

We got a wedding invitation a few months ago around DDay antiversary. We sent a gift, but I didn't want to go. I told WH if he could stomach sitting and listening to the vows he could, but not me. He stayed home with me. Just one more opinion. Good luck.

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