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11 months down, 1 to go

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Yakamishi posted 8/23/2013 07:59 AM

11 months since D day. 1 month till anti-versary. And I'll be honest....NOT looking forward to it. Almost as if the triggering of that day will ruin all the progress WW and I have made.

Any suggestions on how to "survive" the day?

AStar posted 8/23/2013 08:27 AM

Claim it back. Claim it for yourself. Do something either for you or with your W to claim back that day.
I had a negative anniversary not relating to infidelity and on that day one year later, I did a spiritual cleansing ceremony just for me. It does help to do something symbolic to claim back what rightfully should not be a negative day.
Good luck to you and your wife.

SadFlower posted 8/23/2013 08:31 AM

Yakamishi, I just went through my first antiversary, and like you, I was dreading it.

My first piece of advice is to schedule something for yourself that you will enjoy. I had an hour-long aromatherapy massage. Ahhhhh.

Unexpectedly, though, I woke up that morning in an optimistic mood. I thought more about the good things that had happened in the last year rather than the devastation I felt on D-Day.

FWH and I had a conversation that was partly painful and partly uplifting. Even though we still have issues to work out regarding the past, I found that looking towards the future helped.

I will add that FWH is remorseful and has been fully NC, and our relationship is better than it's been for quite a while. If that were not the case, focusing on the positive would not have been possible.

LosferWords posted 8/23/2013 08:33 AM

For me, the anticipation building up to the one year mark was way worse than the actual day itself. Once the day came, it really felt anticlimactic. I triggered a couple of times, but certain thoughts would get me through the day, like, "This day sure as hell is a lot better than it was last year.", or "One year down of knowing the truth.", or "All the pain I went through in year one is done and gone, time to move forward."

It also felt good to move forward from counting the days since d-day in months. Now I had that bigger chunk behind me.

So for me, it wasn't anything really special I did for myself, it was more mental exercises that got me through.

Good luck and take care.

musiclovingmom posted 8/23/2013 15:29 PM

I agree with Losfer Words. The build up was WAY worse than the actual day. I took my son for an EKG that day and then we started a vacation (adults only) by having dinner with my parents and dancing with some friends. My anniversary, 3 days later, was a much harder day to get through.

IGaveItMyAll posted 8/23/2013 15:32 PM

I was so worried like that day was going to be terrible. I set it up and expected it to be bad. Mostly I was thankful that I wasn't in the same spot that time last year. I reflected on what I learned about myself in that year. I think I psyched myself out leading up to it.

SmallButStrong posted 8/23/2013 18:18 PM

I've planned a weekend road trip with my sister, who has been a huge source of support for me. I'm putting the whole weekend on a credit card so we can stay in a nice hotel and have some spa treatments!

You and I have the same D-Day (which falls on a Sunday), so maybe get out of town with a friend?

Yakamishi posted 8/23/2013 18:47 PM

Thanks folks.

SBS, funny, I read your post and when you said or D day lands on a Sunday, immediately thought.."No! It was a Saturday! And it was pouring rain.I remember it clearly." Heh, then I realized you were talking about the upcoming 22ND. Lol.

Funny how things stick to ya.

Thanks for the ideas and encouragement all.

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