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Newest Member: Ibelieved (46047)

User Topic: 11 months down, 1 to go
Yakamishi
♂ 38230
Member # 38230
Concerned  Posted: 7:59 AM, August 23rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

11 months since D day. 1 month till anti-versary. And I'll be honest....NOT looking forward to it. Almost as if the triggering of that day will ruin all the progress WW and I have made.

Any suggestions on how to "survive" the day?


Me: BH
Her: WW Mrs.yaka
Kids:4
Variouse clues to EA. WW promised it would stop.
D-Day of EA 9/13/2012 2:01PM found 2 yrs of text messages, confessed to EA
D-Day of PA: confessed on 9/22/12 11:53 PM. Worst moment of my life

Posts: 222 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Massachusetts
AStar
♀ 39971
Member # 39971
Default  Posted: 8:27 AM, August 23rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Claim it back. Claim it for yourself. Do something either for you or with your W to claim back that day.
I had a negative anniversary not relating to infidelity and on that day one year later, I did a spiritual cleansing ceremony just for me. It does help to do something symbolic to claim back what rightfully should not be a negative day.
Good luck to you and your wife.


Me BS (41)
Him WH (45). EA and possible PA (denied)
D Day 7/21/2013
M 8 years - filing for D

**The cruelest lies are often told in silence- Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 115 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: New Zealand
SadFlower
♀ 37725
Member # 37725
Default  Posted: 8:31 AM, August 23rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yakamishi, I just went through my first antiversary, and like you, I was dreading it.

My first piece of advice is to schedule something for yourself that you will enjoy. I had an hour-long aromatherapy massage. Ahhhhh.

Unexpectedly, though, I woke up that morning in an optimistic mood. I thought more about the good things that had happened in the last year rather than the devastation I felt on D-Day.

FWH and I had a conversation that was partly painful and partly uplifting. Even though we still have issues to work out regarding the past, I found that looking towards the future helped.

I will add that FWH is remorseful and has been fully NC, and our relationship is better than it's been for quite a while. If that were not the case, focusing on the positive would not have been possible.


Me: BW, age 66
Him: WH, age 64
Married 19 years
In R.

D-Day: August 14, 2012
9 year LTA with former co-worker and family "friend"/7 years EA+PA, 2 more years EA


Posts: 417 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Connecticut
LosferWords
♂ 30369
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 8:33 AM, August 23rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For me, the anticipation building up to the one year mark was way worse than the actual day itself. Once the day came, it really felt anticlimactic. I triggered a couple of times, but certain thoughts would get me through the day, like, "This day sure as hell is a lot better than it was last year.", or "One year down of knowing the truth.", or "All the pain I went through in year one is done and gone, time to move forward."

It also felt good to move forward from counting the days since d-day in months. Now I had that bigger chunk behind me.

So for me, it wasn't anything really special I did for myself, it was more mental exercises that got me through.

Good luck and take care.


There will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears. And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.

Posts: 8292 | Registered: Dec 2010
musiclovingmom
♀ 38207
Member # 38207
Default  Posted: 3:29 PM, August 23rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with Losfer Words. The build up was WAY worse than the actual day. I took my son for an EKG that day and then we started a vacation (adults only) by having dinner with my parents and dancing with some friends. My anniversary, 3 days later, was a much harder day to get through.

Posts: 1174 | Registered: Jan 2013
IGaveItMyAll
♂ 38622
Member # 38622
Default  Posted: 3:32 PM, August 23rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was so worried like that day was going to be terrible. I set it up and expected it to be bad. Mostly I was thankful that I wasn't in the same spot that time last year. I reflected on what I learned about myself in that year. I think I psyched myself out leading up to it.


ME-BS 34
FWW-28
M 6 Yrs
DDAY- 8/20/12
R

Posts: 332 | Registered: Mar 2013
SmallButStrong
♀ 40128
Member # 40128
Default  Posted: 6:18 PM, August 23rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've planned a weekend road trip with my sister, who has been a huge source of support for me. I'm putting the whole weekend on a credit card so we can stay in a nice hotel and have some spa treatments!

You and I have the same D-Day (which falls on a Sunday), so maybe get out of town with a friend?


Me: BW
Him: WH
Married 13 years at time of D-Day, 2 small children
D-day 1: 8/16/12 (told it was EA only)
D-day 2: 9/22/12 (the OW confessed to the truth and exposed the PA)
12 month affair, 10 months PA
Today: In MC and IC, attempting R

Posts: 84 | Registered: Jul 2013
Yakamishi
♂ 38230
Member # 38230
Default  Posted: 6:47 PM, August 23rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks folks.

SBS, funny, I read your post and when you said or D day lands on a Sunday, immediately thought.."No! It was a Saturday! And it was pouring rain.I remember it clearly." Heh, then I realized you were talking about the upcoming 22ND. Lol.

Funny how things stick to ya.

Thanks for the ideas and encouragement all.


Me: BH
Her: WW Mrs.yaka
Kids:4
Variouse clues to EA. WW promised it would stop.
D-Day of EA 9/13/2012 2:01PM found 2 yrs of text messages, confessed to EA
D-Day of PA: confessed on 9/22/12 11:53 PM. Worst moment of my life

Posts: 222 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Massachusetts
Topic Posts: 8

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