I am struggling between wanting to know and hear my WS's feelings, and then getting upset when he shares them with me. It's a constant struggle, and I need help.
I'll be able to sense that something is bothering him, and he'll tell me everything is fine. I'll push and tell him how important it is for him to be honest with me, and he'll tell me how he's feeling. And then I'll feel upset at whatever he said, which kind of teaches him to not share his feelings I guess.
Another problem lately is that I feel like I have to reassure him a lot of my feelings for him and wanting to be with him. An example is that I'll invite him over, and he'll saying something like he thinks I don't actually want to see him and I just feel obligated to ask him. Or another example is that he'll say that he feels sad because I'm going out with my friends and don't want him there.
I want him to share these feelings with me, and I want to encourage him to talk to me. But I'm also feeling exhausted from the fear of what happens if he doesn't feel happy with me. I feel like I have to reassure him, and that makes me angry because he's the one that slept with two other women.
I don't think he's intentionally doing it to make me reassure him. He used to keep everything silent to avoid fights, and it's become a problem in the past month because I started insisting that he be more open and honest with me, and I kept telling him that his feelings are important to me.
How do you balance this?