That you are trying to help and Heal?
I had multiple affairs over a few months time. It all started in mid Feb. A one night stand and a recurring A that lasted until late may/early june. D-Day was 06-14. That's the day my wife discovered everything and the day I called the OW and told her my wife knew all about us and it was over. I have had absolutely no contact with the OW since that day. I have been open about everything, I told the BS about my other texting program, I have given her passwords on the phone accts and my email. I wrote her a letter telling about the affair. I know how bad I screwed up and am working to fix it.
I told her we had sex in the car, I sold the car. I have my other vehicles for sale just because the OW rode in them.
I told her I had sex in my office. on my day off I completely stripped my office of everything including counters, repainted and installed new counters, new chairs everything.
I told her we had slept together in our house, I threw the bed out and have since bought us a new home. We have yet to move. We closed over 3 weeks ago and have only begun to pack. I can't seem to get her motivated to get out of the house that she hates.
Last night she triggered, and we got to talking. She asked me if she would of left me DURING THE AFFAIR would I of gone to the OW. I said yes. She now thinks I said that if she was to leave me now I would still be with the OW. Which would never happen. I know they sound similar but have hugely different meanings. I am 2000% done with the OW and NEVER want anything to do with her again
When we talk she has a rage that builds and soon she is yelling things at me, asking me questions then cutting me off when I try to answer or calling me a liar. When I get frustrated and yell back to please let me talk, suddenly I'm becoming defensive. is it defensive to want to get the truth out, not the movies going in her head that are feeding the rage?
I try to answer all her questions, I don't know exact dates, I don't remember exact conversations or text messages. When I have left out a detail that I thought was unimportant and it comes up, suddenly I am a liar by omission.
I make mistakes but I try to monitor everything that comes out of my mouth. Last night we fought over a sliding back door. a few weeks ago I made a comment that our new house had a perfect wall to install a sliding back door. I thought nothing of it. She has associated that door with the OW, that I want the door because the OW has one on her house. I just thought it would be cool to walk out onto a deck in the back yard.
My other question is she always tells me to leave her alone, when she triggers. I can't!! I feel that we need to talk to get over the movies playing in her head. Should I leave her alone? or continue to try and talk it out?
I am kind of rambling today so I do apologize if this only makes sense in my head.
Any communication help would be greatly appreciated.